What is the big deal??!!!

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here and post about something that has been bothering me some time now -- my weight.

Now before you all freak out on me, I'm not saying that my current weight bothers me. I'm saying that it bugs me that other people are having such an issue with it. I have constantly heard over the last few months, "You don't need to lose anymore weight," or "Are you still trying to lose weight?" I asked Tim the other night if he thinks I'm too skinny ... of course not. I ask my mom because she will be the first to tell me if I start to look unhealthy. She thinks I'm OK. Please don't think I'm that I'm fishing for compliments here. Let me explain why this topic is so bothersome for me.

For those of you who knew me in high school, you remember what I looked like in a cheerleading outfit. While I always thought my thighs were big, looking back I should have been happy with my 115 lbs. But there were always thinner girls around ... anyway, when I went to college, all of my physical activity stopped. I had been cheering year-round since 6th grade. This had a huge impact on my metabolism. Living in the dorms and eating at the dining hall and sorority house (LOVE MS. ELLA!!!!!) did not help. So at summer break of my first year of college I had packed on not the freshman 15, but 25 lbs. I carried that 25 around for 4 years ... and added some more along the way. Tim and I had our wedding date set for July 2000, and when I went to try on my wedding dress after being altered, it wouldn't zip.

Oh Lord. This is every bride's worst nightmare. So I decided that I was going to do the Atkins Diet until the wedding. No carbs. I ate eggs, bacon, burgers with no bun, green vegetables (translation: green beans because I don't like anything else!) and cheese for 2 months. It was successful; I lost 20 lbs. But I still can't eat bacon to this day! And naturally, the first year of marriage, it came right back, plus some.

Fast forward to 2003 -- I find out I'm pregnant with Kendall. "Hooray," I think. I can eat whatever I want because I'm preggers!! AND I DID!! We had Mexican once a week, Coldstone Creamery almost twice every week, and Grilled Stuft Burritos once a week. By the end of my pregnancy, I had gone from 130 lbs. to 195 lbs. Yes, people, that's on a 5'1" frame. I also had been placed on bed rest due to hypertension, which didn't help with the weight gain.

Like all pregnant women who know nothing about childbirth, I expected to lose at least half of my 65 lbs. when I left the hospital. Ummmmm, no. After 3 days of labor and an emergency C-section (during which they had been pumping me full of fluids), I only lost 10 lbs. How is that possible? I gave birth to a 7 pound baby!! I was terribly frustrated ... many of you remember this feeling. So I got home and started planning my workouts and new diet. Of course, I couldn't do anything for at least 6 weeks due to the incision in my abdomen. After that, the leisurely walks I had planned with my baby in her stroller were NOT HAPPENING. Have you ever tried to walk with one of those travel systems??? Uh, no thanks. So I proceeded to put off the weight loss.

Fast forward again to November of 2005 -- I found a picture my mom took in the kitchen of her old house. I was standing sideways, in my skinny size 10 jeans. It was the beginning of November ... and I had finally lost all of my baby weight!! And at Thanksgiving dinner it felt really good to have everyone tell me how good I looked. Little did I know I was about 3 weeks pregnant. Sooooo ...

When pregnant with Tanner, I decided I was NOT going to gain as much weight as I did with Kendall. I tried to really watch what I was eating. And it helped that I was chasing Kendall around and not on bed rest. Makes a huge difference!! I also wanted to make sure I didn't have high blood pressure again. At this point I could walk with Kendall in a stroller, and I tried to as much as my body could handle it. At the end of my pregnancy I had gone form 130 to 165 lbs. A huge improvement!! And after Tanner was born, I knew I was going to have to do something to lose the weight. Fast. I had been unhappy with the way I looked for so long. So in January, when I had only dropped down to 155 lbs, I signed up for Weight Watchers after a friend told me she had started and lost 15 lbs. eating Taco Bell every day. Sounds like the diet for me!!!!

Most of you have heard me sing the praises of WW until you're probably tired of hearing about it. I've recommended the program to everyone who says they want to lose weight. And while I didn't attend many meetings (difficult with my 2 year old and newborn), I found the program very easy to follow. I counted my points, wrote everything I put in my mouth down in my little points tracker, drank tons of water, and took my vitamins. I tried not to draw from my 35 bonus points. That's it. Most people don't believe this, but I didn't exercise at all. But I followed the program without fail. And it is a lifestyle change; you learn how to stop eating when you are almost full ... you learn how to judge what is a good portion size ... you learn to make better choices with your food ... and that stuff sticks in your brain. My mom used to joke around that I could tell you the points of every piece of food from memory. Of course, I can tell you how much a portion of chicken is, or a hamburger from McD's, or a taco salad from Taco Bell. And, by the, when I look back at what I was eating when I was pregnant with Kendall, I'm not surprised I had high blood pressure. A bowl of ice cream at Coldstone with no toppings (and how good is that?!) is around 11 points. A grilled stuft burrito is 35 points. That is more than a day's worth of points just in the burrito!!!!! Yikes!!!!

So now it's a year and a half later. I started WW at 157 lbs. I'm now 42 lbs. lighter. WOW!! I haven't calculated the total weight loss ... that's pretty amazing. And am I still trying to lose? No. Am I still "doing" WW? I guess so; it's not a diet that you can "do." It really is a lifestyle change! Once you get to the weight you want, you know how to regulate it. I don't have to write anything down anymore. But I still pay attention to what I eat. My weight fluctuates within 5 pounds. I'm unhappy with anything else. I threw away my old clothes just to make sure I don't go back to my old eating habits! (That's a tip from WW, by the way.)

Personally, I like the way I look now. Of course, I still don't like the way my stomach looks in a swimsuit. But I've had two kids!! That skin has been stretched and pulled ... it won't ever be what it was in high school. I am not obsessed with my weight. I get on the scale every morning. It's how I keep myself in check, but I don't cry if I've gained a pound. I am ECSTATIC with how I look in my clothes. I am smaller now that when I got married. I am very proud of myself ... I set a goal and I achieved it. So why do other people have such an issue with it?

Just to set the record straight--

I am not anorexic. Never could be -- I LOVE to eat. I love food. I love the social aspect. I love the way food tastes, especially food that is not so good for me.

I don't starve myself.

I am not bulimic. I don't like to vomit, I don't like to exercise, and I don't like taking laxatives. Enough said about that.

I am not OCD. I don't have time to be OCD. In fact, if I am any acronym, I am ADDPC - attention deficit disorder post children.

I am healthy. My weight is perfect for my height. According to some charts, I'm still overweight for 5'1".

I am thin. But I am fit, too. I still have muscle tone. I still have big thighs and a bubble butt.

I look exactly like I hoped I would after giving birth to two kids. :)

There. I've let it all out. Long, I know. I feel so much better though. See what happens when I don't get to blog very often!!

Now I'm off to the beach on Saturday to eat like a king!! And I won't hide behind my kids if someone wants to take a picture at the pool!