Searching for Inspiration

I'm currently out of blog mode -- I've been searching for blog inspiration ... none can be found at this moment.

Perhaps it is buried beneath the sleep in my eyes.

Or perhaps it has been hidden by the 3 1/2 year old and the 19 month old who have currently taken over my playroom.

Perhaps it is warmly tucked in the covers Kendall did not sleep well under last night, or the night before, or the 3 nights before that.

Or maybe Tim's took it to work with him at the beginning of this week, and since I haven't seen him much due to his crazy work schedule, he has forgotten to return it to its proper storage place.

For whatever reason, my inspiration is currently lost.

I shall let you know when it turns up again.

Who Are "They" Anyway??

You know who I'm talking about ...

"They" say you should give a baby veggies before fruits.
You should put a baby on his back to sleep, "they" say.
Kids need limits is what I've always heard from "them."
"They" say you should hold and rock a baby whenever it cries.
"They" say you should lie a baby down to sleep when he is awake.

I've always prided myself on being an avid reader, but I think my reading may be getting a little out of hand now.  Most nights I find myself multitasking, with a book on my lap and one of my many shows on the TV.  (OK, so this is actually dual-tasking, unless you count the glass of wine that is usually on the end table beside me.)  For many months now, I've been passing back and forth between my usual beach smut books and my parenting books, but more recently I've found myself just focusing on the many parenting books I have around the house.

I began reading parenting books before Kendall was born to prepare myself for what was to come with motherhood.  Of course, everyone reads What to Expect When You Are Expecting (because that's what "they" tell you to do), and I even threw in a little Belly Laughs just for kicks.  Then once K was born, there was On Becoming Babywise.  And once I thought she should be sleeping through the night or be on a schedule of some kind (because that's what "they" said), I began reading the plethora of sleep advice books -- Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was my favorite, and it's still the one I recommend to my new-Mommy friends.  When we found out we were pregnant with number 2, I started reading other books about bringing home a new sibling.  Of course most of that reading came from one of the seven magazine subscriptions I had because there wasn't much sitting and reading with a 20-month-old running the roost.  When Tanner was born, I started the Babywise and Sleep Habits books all over again, and Toddler Wise, Screamfree Parenting and The Happiest Toddler on the Block also came into play because K was becoming a bit precocious and unbearable (little did I know ...).  So I was pretty busy with the reading for a few years.  But it was good because I cared what "they" had to say and the advice "they" had to offer.

Now that both of my kiddos are older and a bit more manageable, I realize I've taken many years off from reading.  A few years ago Tim and I attended a behavior management seminar (hey, it was free) with Dr. Jim Fay.  I picked up several books from that seminar about how to handle early childhood issues.  There's even a cute one about what to say when the kid says something you have no idea how to respond to.  Good for a laugh.  When the ugly potty-training monster started rearing his head recently, I found myself searching through the bookshelves in the family room, praying to find a book I hadn't already read that could possibly bring me a miracle shed some light on this for me.  Naturally, "they" must have some advice for a mom who is at her wit's end, right?

As luck would have it, I have the best best friend in the world who sees me ready to jump out of a window can see me trying as hard as I can.  She ordered On Becoming Childwise for me, and I read it in two days.  Then I decided I would put some of the ideas into play, and that lasted about 2 more days before I threw my hands up, screamed, and went back to my old ways.  Then I tried re-reading my Jim Fay book, which also expresses many of the ideas Childwise does, but then it also says some things that are completely contradictory.  For example, Childwise says that many parents give their kids too many choices and too much freedom, making the kids feel as if they are in charge.  However, Dr. Fay says that parents should make deposits into the "trust account" with their kids by allowing them to make many choices (whether silly or not) so that when it's time for the parent to make an important choice (like you have to wear your seat belt), the parent can remind the child that they have been allowed to make many choices throughout the day - now it is the parent's turn to make a choice.

Anyway, after all this reading I'm just so darn confused about this parenting thing.  According to one group, I'm doing it all right.  According to another, I'm doing it all wrong.  According to another, my kids are going to be self-centered mass murders sociopaths.  According to another group, my kids are perfectly normal (which I seriously doubt some days).  How is a woman supposed to raise kids in an age like this when there is so much contradiction around???

So here's what I've decided --

"They" were completely wrong about how hard it would be for me to get pregnant.  "They" were completely wrong about how, if I was prepared, my labors and deliveries would go smoothly.  "They" were wrong about letting them cry it out or rocking them to sleep.  "They" did not prepare me at all for the roller coaster of being a mom and what it entails.  So I will no longer be listening to "them."  I will continue to read, but I will treat it the same way I treat what my pediatrician says (don't judge if you don't have more than one kid).  I will nod in agreement, insert the appropriate, "I see's", and then do what ever I darn well please.

Because in my heart, I know what's best for my kids and my family.  Sure, my kids eat chocolate and jump on the furniture.  Sure my daughter sasses me and occasionally rides from point A to point B without her seatbelt buckled (not on the big road though).  Sure my son is almost 4 and is just now "potty-trained."  Sure he still sucks his thumb.  And sure they beat each other regularly, but I'm sure they are going to turn out OK.  And I will do what I have to in order to survive.

Because I'm the mom, that's why! ;0)

Kindergarten Book Club

OK, just a quick post about my conference with Mrs. Nations, the best kindergarten teacher EVER, yesterday.

You know I requested a conference after Kendall brought home the second "yellow note" that mentioned talking and being a kid distraction.

Of course, upon sitting down with the greatest kindergarten teacher in the world (no, really), I expressed my concern over the notes.  In a sweet fashion, Mrs. Nations proceeded to grin and giggle.  I usually would take offense to this, but she then proceeded to tell me the following, in random order:

Kendall is perfect.

She (Mrs. Nations) would gladly take 18 more just like her.

Kendall is wonderful 99% of the time.

Kendall is helpful and sweet.

Kendall knows all of her sight words and reads very well.  In fact (the piece de resistance!!!!) Kendall is in the TOP READING GROUP, which includes only 4 children who are pulled out separately to read the hard book. :0)

Kendall transitions well from one activity to the next.

Kendall has succeeded in making a lot of friends, even boys, and she usually makes the right choices when her friends begin to, um, stray.

After oodles and oodles of praise, I said, "Well, there must be something she needs to work on if she's having notes sent home."

Being ever-prepared, Mrs. Nations responded with the following:

The only thing Kendall needs to work on is slowing down on her work.  I should be happy she's not a perfectionist and she doesn't beat herself up when she doesn't get it perfectly correct.  (Is that a negative disguised as a positive?  I remember them teaching us that in teacher school.)  She also needs to work on keeping her hands to herself, which is where the notes stemmed from.  Kendall likes to play with her Best Friend This Year Forever Lexi, and even when they are separated, they seek each other out.

It's cute, I think.

I'm jut happy she has friends at school.  Being the shy one that she was, I was always fearful that she would have a hard time making friends.  So I'm happy she has Lexi, and Zoe, and Brett, and Kenny (whom she is going to marry, and I'm a little wary of that because he has crazy food allergies and can't have sugar; he may not survive in our family), and Jonathan, and Charlese.  And I'm glad she's friends with poor little Tiffany, who "never dresses her best" or "wears pretty dresses" and "always looks dirty and cries."  (That's another blog for another day, but don't let me forget to post it!)  And now I believe what Jeannie and Beth told me -- if there have only been 2 notes in 100 and some odd days, we're doing just fine!

Whew!  I'm glad that went well.

And I have a good reader.  I'm a happy mommy.

She's Got Legs

Legs for miles, I tell you!!

I find that, after looking back over the last few weeks, I haven't posted much about Kendall.  I guess because she's at school all day, I don't find myself having many stories to tell.  And once she's home, it's a mad dash through snack, homework, dinner, bath, and bed.  So there isn't much time for posting all the things she's been up to.

Namely, growing.

I mean seriously.  I think because I see her all the time, her growth is subtle.  Her face is slimming, the feet are getting bigger, and her hands are starting to look more like my hands.  She is an avid writer, compiling letters to her friends and stories in every spiral notebook in the house these days.  She has recently gone through a a growth spurt, which has resulted in needing new shoes and jeans, along with more groceries -- she seems to always be hungry.

But last week was the first week we've had some warmer days, and K couldn't wait to get out of those jeans and into a skirt.  I obliged since it was in the upper 60s, and we were going to be riding bikes and playing outside.  The boys and I headed out to get the chalk before K came.  And when she exited the garage, this is what I saw.

Legs.

Miles of legs.

Who is this young lady?  Where did she come from?  She obviously does not belong to me, with her long thin legs.  I still see bits and pieces of my baby in there ... in the eyes and the lips ... but that body is growing up way too quickly!!

All of a sudden I find myself wanting time to slow.  K will be six-years-old in 2 1/2 short months.  I just want time to stop for a little while ... I want her to be my little girl a little while longer.

Looks Can Be Deceiving ...

I know a bankruptcy stays on your credit record for 7 years -- and I know it's only been a few months since ours was "official" -- but it feels like we just can't get away from it.  Most of you have heard the horror stories of the vendors who were stalking us after the disintegration of Tim's company, but this mess with one of our neighbors is really getting out of hand now.

Yesterday when Tim got home from work, he sat with Tanner for a while, playing and talking.  Then the phone (the work phone) started ringing, and all Hell broke lose.

Of course, I have to give Tim credit -- I never would've known all this was going on if I hadn't asked.  he was so calm and cool about it, which tells me he's proabbly been dealing with it for a while.

Anyway, after about an hour of him talking on the phone "in private," which amounts to whispering on the phone in the bathroom because it's the only way to get away from the kiddos, I went in to figure out what was going on.  I knew he'd been on both cells and the house phone, so there must be something juicy taking place.

So he gave me the low down in a very low-key way.

There is this ex-vendor, we'll call him Asshole Mike.  Apparently Sequoia Builders Development, Inc. owes him about $4000.00 from a previous job. Like a few other vendors, Mike has taken a particular joy in bringing suffering to our family.  For the past few months, he has been calling our home at all hours.  The calls here can be ignored (we didn't answer the phone for 6 months ... we can keep doing the same), but he has recently begun calling Tim's employer.  He calls with all sorts of allegation of theft and lying.  Obviously, Tim's "boss" can't keep taking these calls and just ignoring them.  So yesterday one of the head honchos called and basically told Tim he needed to get this under control.

Any ideas how to do that?

I guess Mike just feels like the $4000.00 SBD owes him (mind you, it's SBD that owes him, not Tim or me) is worth ruining our life.  If any theft or lying on Tim's part could be proven, he would have to be let go.  Of course, that won't happen because Tim is trustworthy and honest.  He is a hard worker, and without him, his employer would be up a creek without a paddle.  And to bring the story full circle, upon talking to Mike, he mentioned to Tim's "boss" that he had spoken to Matt (our neighbor), and Matt told him of all kinds of ways that we are "flaunting our money."

OK, HERE I DRAW THE LINE.

I have had this discussion with several of my close friends, and now I'm just gonna put it out there for all of you.

I imagine that on the outside, the Morris world looks pretty peachy.  We live in this big house that is always pretty well taken care of.  Mr. Morris has a job, and Mrs. Morris just gets to stay at home with kids.  The Morris kids always look well put together with cute clothes and shoes.  Mrs. Morris has new highlights and a new car.  Mr. Morris drives a company truck to work and still has another very nice truck parked in the garage alongside a Harley Davidon.  The Morris family still has the money to take their kids to fun things like Toddler Trike at Sparkles and the Disney Rockin' Road Show.

That is what you all see, right?  From your standpoint, I imagine it does look like a pretty awesome life.

Now from where I stand, things are a little different.  We do live in a big house that is well taken care of, but it has a hefty mortgage payment every month.  Tim works unGodly hours to pay that hefty mortgage, and when he's home, he's busy taking care of the upkeep -- not just of our house, but of my mom's house and the empty house still for sale in our neighborhood that doesn't even belong to "us" anymore.  And in the spring and summer, that includes yard work.  I don't just get to "stay home" with the kids.  I wanted to go back to work this year, but there were no teaching jobs.  So, instead, I gladly watch an 18-month-old in order to bring in some extra money to help pay for groceries.  I also work hard twice a year to sell everything I possibly can at local consignment sales in order to keep my kids looking well taken care of.  Those cute clothes my kids wear ?  They are bought at consignment sales and shops or on sale.  Always.  My new highlights were a gift from my loving husband, who can see how hard I try and wanted me to have a treat.  I used a coupon and only paid $55 for them.  Not a splurge at all.  The "new" car is a 2000 with 140,000 miles on it, and we paid cash for it when one of Tim's buddies decided to sell it.  The truck has been a member of the family longer than both kids, and thank God!, will be paid for after this month.  And the HD was purchased from my cousin amidst a nasty divorce for an awesome price.  Yes, we take our kids on fun outings, but not as often as I would like to.  Usually it is when it is free, discounted, or I have a coupon.  We sell everything we possibly can when we can in order to get some extra cash.  We no longer have a 4-wheeler or a boat (which was very difficult to let go of, mind you).  I try hrd not to spend money because I know that Tim will have to work twice as hard to put it back in the account.  I worry daily that Tim will work himself into an early grave, and all this added stress from the bankruptcy that won't go away isn't helping.

See not all rosy, hunh?

Now don't get me wrong.  I am happy.  With my life, anyway.  While I'm not glad that we had to go through a bankruptcy (I mean, who wishes for their credit to be ruined??), I still look it as a Godsend as far as helping us get our priorities in check.  I feel like Tim and I appreciate each other more now, and we appreciate what we do have.  Even when we do get back on our feet (which will not happen if these buttheads don't stop trying to ruin our lives), I'll still live frugally.  And in hing sight, just think of everything could have in savings if we hadn't been spending it back when we had it!  But, hindsight's 20/20, I suppose.

And I can hear your argument (probably because many of you have said it aloud to me) -- Why don't you just pay him the $4000.00 so he'll leave you alone?

Simply stated, because I don't owe him a dime.  Tim doesn't owe him a dime.  A company that is not defunct owes him money.  And when that company filed bankruptcy, it was decided that no money would be repaid.  To anyone.  And this man is by no means the only person SBD owes money to ... and it certainly isn't the largest amount owed.  But SBD has no money.  It was in debt when the company dissolved ... so there is no money to pay him.  The money that Tim and I make is not SBD money, therefor I will not alow a penny of it to go to someone else.  The money Tim works hard for is money to pay our bills and take care of our family.  Plain and simple.

It may sound selfish, but that's just the way it is.

I know times are tough -- trust me.  And some people are just looking for a way to make it work, just like we are.  But bullying and blackmailing is not the way to do it.

So poo on Mike.

My American Obsession

For 9 years I have watched American Idol, religiously.

By religiously, I mean from the first day of auditions to the finale, I have been glued to every move the judges and contestants have made.

I was ecstatic when Kelly won over Justin. I cried as Ruben beat Clay.  I rejoiced when Fantasia championed over Diana.  There was no surprise when Carrie swept Bo under the rug. I  was shocked when Taylor beat Katherine.  I was indifferent when Jordin won over Blake.  Cartwheels were turned when David C. won over David A. (but I wasn't surprised in the least).  And I was completely tickled when Kris won more votes than Adam.

But, I'm sad to say, this will probably be my last season watching American Idol.

While I love Ellen -- I find her funny and quirky -- she just doesn't bring what Paula brought to the show.  I find myself agonizing over the comments the judges have made every week ("I just didn't get that WOW moment.") ... and thank God for DVR and the fast forward button.

So knowing this is my final season, I have chosen my favorite early on.  (Of course, some would say I have chosen him early because he probably won't be around for long.  Whatevs.)

My Idol of choice this season is Casey James.

Oh, Casey, Casey, Casey.  He is wonderful beyond belief.  With his golden, wavey locks and chiseled chest ... I just can't get enough of him.  And last night really sealed his spot in my heart with his rendition of  "You'll Think of Me."  Just as Keith Urban is one of my all time favorites (What is it with the blonde hair?  Sooo not my type at all.), Casey will now be one of my favorite "Idols."

I am sad to see Idol go ... though it has been filled with another show that has a combination of singing and acting and good looks (see my future posts about my obsession with Glee), AI will always hold a place in my heart.

Sniff, sniff.

A Scrapper's Dream

I just experienced a most wonderous weekend. Granted, some people may find me terribly dorky for doing what I did this weekend, but I loved it, nonetheless.

On Friday morning, my girlfriend Tracy and I embarked on a drive north to Elijay for a scrapping weekend. 3 days devoted completely to scarpbooking. A dream that I've been dreaming for a year or so, I was so excited to head out of town. I knew I would miss Tim and the kids, but I also knew that I needed to get away so I could miss them. This is the first time I've been away from all three of them at one time; Tim and I have gone without the kids before, but this was the first time I've left all 3 of them.

Anyway, Tracy and I arrived at the Lodge (Yes, that's the actual name of the cabin) around 11 AM on Friday, unloaded our scrapbook supplies (which consisted of several bags and boxes) and our tiny bags of clothes/toiletries, claimed our beds (we got top bunks -- so cute), and headed downstairs to get started.

The Lodge is the perfect set up for a scrapbook getaway. Upsatirs is the living area, complete with a full service kitchen, 3 large bedrooms loaded with bunkbeds, and 4 bathrooms. It appears to be just a regular mountain getaway cabin minus the queen/king beds for couples. But when you head downstairs, you are greeted by two rooms, fully equipped with crafting tables (4 ft long) cricut machines and cartridges galore (if you are a scrapper you understand my excitement), a bathroom, and long counters for cutting. Each room was set up with 10 tables, placed side by side. When we arrived several women were already getting to work, with paper spread out and bags overflowing with photos everywhere. I was giddy as I opened my bag and pulled out the first album I planned to work on.

Granted, we had both spent several days prior getting things organized. You can't just jump into one of these weekends without a plan. I had decided I would finish the kids' birthday albums (I was 1 birthday behind in K's and 2 behind in T's), finish T's baby album (yes, he's almost 4 so I figure I should get on this), and work on the Morris Family 2009 album. I started scarpping at 11:30 AM and the time started flying. The only times I stopped were to eat lunch and dinner. At 1 AM, people started heading up to bed. Tracy, Kelly and I felt like we were just getting in our grooves, so we decided we would stay up a few hours longer. As we laughed, talked, and shared stories, we got our memories into our boooks. Not feeling tired at all, we checked the clock and found that it was 4 AM!

Seriously?!

We considered going to bed (not really), but figured some people would be waking soon enough so we just stayed up.

I haven't stayed up all night long ... well, ever, I think. At least not since those slumber parties in school when we stayed awake so we weren't the first girl asleep and had to endure some form of crazy slumber-party torture. When people started waking in the morning, Kelly, Tracy and I paraded around, claiming to be "Scrapping Rockstars," boasting of our up-all-nightedness. Yes, the staying up all night caught up with us later Saturday, with Tracy and I both having to take power naps. But we had so much fun staying up and laughing. And not a drop of alcohol. (Though I think Tim still believes we were partying due to the fact that I lost my voice sometime over the weeknd and it hasn't returned.)

All in all, a wonderful weekend. By Sunday morning I was really missing home and ready to get back. I wish I could convey how much this weekend meant to me ... how much I appreciate the chance to get away ... how much fun I had with my girlfiends ...how much I enjoyed not being called "Mommy" for just a few days ... how nice it was to not have to cut someone's food at dinner ...

But then again, without all those things I missed, I wouldn't have anything to scrap! And now I feel refreshed and energized to start spending some time outside with the kiddos since the weather is finally warming up.

Time to make some more memories!