Favorite Photo Friday

Gymnastics Performance May 2013

Love.  Love.  Love.  We've been trying to find something that both kids enjoy (that doesn't blow the budget!) and that they are both good at.  Gymnastics is it.  While I had hoped tumbling would be a transition to cheerleading for K, she seems to really like just tumbling.  Tanner is a natural too ... he is so strong.  I was a proud momma watching them smile with their trophies. :)

Stained

For the life of me I cannot figure out how my 6 year old boy gets so darn dirty.  After scrubbing stains out of clothing for the last 30 minutes just to have to wash (and possibly re-wash), dry, and then fold them, I am amazed at how much stuff collects on Tanner's shirts.  Not only is there yogurt, PB & J, chocolate, and marker, but there are also signs of Sharpie, chalk, grease, toothpaste, and some other un-nameable substance.  Smells like rubber cement so I'm not entirely sure what it is.  They don't use that stuff in school anymore, do they?

Anyway, since there is no possible way he made all of that mess himself (though he did leave the house one morning with syrup, water, and toothpaste on his shirt ...), I'm convinced that he not only wipes his own face with his shirt, but his friends must also use his shirt as a napkin.

Or tissue.

Ewww.  I hope that's not what the un-nameable substance is ...

Oh, the joys of having boys!

Four Letter Words

OK, it's not what you think.

But the last few weeks have been filled with four letter words. The first word that comes to mind is busy. We have been doing some much needed upheaval around the Morris house with some renovations and such. OK, so that was more than a few weeks ago, but it feels like its never ending. Tim and I continue to have conversations about how we need to finish Tanner's bedroom (we still haven't settled on a theme yet ...) and we still need to do some more stuff to Kendall's room to make it complete. We continue to "spring clean," which is really just our every week cleaning on steroids. Yard work has begun again, and while I love the green grass, I don't love the daily watering of the new flowers and trees. They are gorgeous, mind you, but I wish we could get a little rain so I didn't have to drag the hose(s) out to water.

The second four letter word that comes to mind is fast. I swear it hasn't been 6 months since I blogged. But the days just get away from me. I have good intentions, people. I have a long list of blog ideas on my note pad on my iPhone. Just in case I ever do get a second to blog. In fact, it is midnight right now and I want to get this down before I fall asleep. (And Tim is out with his boys so I really can't sleep anyway. But I digress ...). I realize we only have 30 days of school left and I will have a 3rd grader and a 1st grader in my house. Craziness, I tell you. While we were toying with the idea of repeating kindergarten, I can honestly say Tanner is ready to proceed after spending the day with him on a field trip yesterday. Not only was he 80% better behaved than most of the other boys; he was also bigger than 75% of the boys!! (This is of course a rough estimate ...) So, unless his teacher feels otherwise, my baby will be heading to the first grade in August. But, I swear, it was only a few weeks ago that we were gearing up for his preschool graduation ... Which leads me to the fact that I only have 25 days left?!?! What??? I can't believe I've already been through an entire school year with my babies. And they've grown so much ... It makes me sad to hear that they will be moving on to other rooms next year ...

Lastly, the past few weeks have been mean. Yes, it's a four letter word and it's hit our home like a ton of bricks. I you have a little girl hovering around the tween years, you know exactly what I am referring to. I know ... I hear you ... "But, Keisha, Kendall is an angel. She never misbehaves and see is always respectful when I see her."

Well, Tim and I are very happy that she acts that way for others. Because if you caught a glimpse of her mean streak, you'd surely gasp at what you saw. However, in her defense, she is surrounded by it. I just ordered a book called Little Girls Are Mean. I haven't started reading it yet, but it is about bully-proofing your child. Kendall is not a bully, but I fear she may not be strong enough to fend off one should one present itself. I also want her to know how to stand up for someone else if she sees a bully picking on someone else. We've been having some issues with friends at school, just regular girl stuff. I mean, who knew three girls couldn't play together without getting into an argument?? (Wait, I may have a flashback of something similar from when I was about 8...). Anyway, I feel like Kendall and I are growing further and further apart because I find it harder and harder to communicate with her when she is so flippant and, well, mean, for lack of a better term. And, in natural girl-fashion, I find myself being flippant and mean right back to her.

It's a vicious cycle.

But that's what's been going on around here.

Lots of four letter words flying around.

And that is why I havent blogged much.

But, on a brighter note, hubs did buy me an iPad. So I may be blogging more at night.

If I can just get used to the fact tat the return key and the back key are right next to each other, it won't take me so long to type an entry!!

Give Me an A! (For type-A, that is.)

OK, so I'm a control freak.

A control freak with perfectionist tendencies.

This is why everyone always wanted me in their group for group projects in school.

It's also why I never wanted to be in a group and wanted to do all the work myself.

It's also why many people ended up with excellent grades after I did most of the group work and let them pass it off as their own.

So when Kendall came home with a project two weeks ago, I was stoked.  I live for school projects.  Of course, she did not share my enthusiasm.  And now, here we are, 3 days prior to D Day (Due day) and the project is only half complete.

It kills me.

And even more, it kills me the choice she made for presentation.

Mrs. Chapman gave the kids all these awesome, artsy choices.

"Make a collage." (Love it!)  "Make a poster."  (I love posters!)  "Make mobile." (Oh, we could use a coat hanger ...)  "Make a 3D representation." (I think I have a ladybug Beanie Baby downstairs!)  And my favorite words ... "Do what ever you want to show the life cycle of a plant or animal."

Wow! The possibilities were endless.  I saw hours of cricut cutting and gluing and layering and artsy-craftsy stuff.

And what did my child choose?

She chose the PowerPoint presentation.

Ugh.

I love PowerPoint and all, but do you know how hard it is to "guide your child in the completion of his or her project" when they are working on your very expensive Apple computer?  Aside from the fact that K has never used PowerPoint, I also had to help her find pictures online, save them, and read a book (I wouldn't let her do any research online) about the life cycle of a ladybug.

Oh, yeah, I didn't mention that.  Of all the things in the world she could have chosen that would have been so incredibly interesting (I was campaigning for penguin ...), she chose a bug.  A beetle, at that.  It makes for pretty pictures, but it sure is blah-blah boring.

Anyway, we started working on her slides yesterday.  It was very difficult for me to hand over the keyboard, mouse, and computer chair.  Then she tried to force the thumb drive into the wrong hole upside down, and I almost lost it.  But we got 3 slides completed with text, title, and clip art.

And we both survived.

Yes, I'm a control freak.

I own it.

The Gift of Sight

Or insight, really.

Some of you have heard me speak of the dilemma surrounding an early August birthday for our little Bug.  His birthday is August 4th, which means he is YOUNG for the first week of school.  In preK, it wasn't that big a deal.  They started a week later, so he actually had his 4th birthday the weekend before school began.  For kindergarten, T was actually 4 years old for the first week of school.  It was crazy to think that my little baby was headed off into big kid school.

So now, 5 months into kindergarten, Tim and I are looking at our options for next year.  While T was absolutely ready to leave Child's Play and head into elementary school, we aren't completely sure he is ready to take the next step to first grade.  In fact, I scheduled a conference with Tanner's teacher 2 weeks ago to discuss the possibility of holding him back for another year in kindergarten.  I wanted to get her thoughts on it, seeing as how she 1) has been teaching kindergarten for 25 years, and 2) she has 3 boys of her own that are older now and she has been through this.

You see, boys and girls are so different.  Duhhh, right?  But academically my two children are polar opposites.  Kendall is self-motivated and independent, where Tanner needs constant supervision.  I don't think a day went by for the first 3 weeks of school that he didn't come home with a new hole in his shirt (from his scissors) or that he didn't have paint/marker all over his clothes.  He wants to have someone helping him along the way.  So that is the biggest thing about first grade that frightens me -- the children go from sitting at tables and working together almost all of the time to sitting at real desks and working on their own.

Anyway, after talking to Mrs. Porrier, I had a talk with Tanner about how he really needed to try harder ... his coloring is all over the place and his handwriting is terrible.

Do you know what he told me?

"Mommy, I can't color the small pictures because I can't see them."

Gulp.  I guess I won't be getting the Mommy-of-the-Year award this year.  Again.

When he went for his check up at the beginning of the year, our pediatrician told me that his sight was "good enough to pass for now."  I suppose it has gotten much worse with all the stress of focusing at school.  Because now my little man is practically blind.

Awesome.

So I took him to the eye doc last week, and she informed me that his sight is so bad that we'll have to ease him into the prescription he needs.  So we'll do this scrip for 6 weeks, and then go back and bump him up.

Yes, it's that bad.

However, I'm hoping this new vision he has acquired (he looks a things so differently now ...) will help with his academics.  I really don't want him to have to repeat kindergarten ...

But I guess that's what this parenting thing is all about.

We make the hard decision now so our kids will have it easier in the future.

As a side not, he looks super cute in his glasses. ;)

New Year's Resolutions

I hate them.

But every single, cotton-picking year, I make them.

Usually, I stick to them longer than your average Joe.  And usually they have something to do with looking better, eating better, working out more, etc.

But this year I'm making a resolution, well two really, that will make me feel better.  I hope.

And perhaps they will make others around me feel better as well.

#1: Be nicer to my children.  I have become the most impatient, intolerant mom with my kids lately.  I'm down right grumpy, actually.  So I'm going to try extra hard to listen, focus, and not multi-task when I'm with them.  If they need help with something, I will stop and help them.  They will only be little for so long ... they are half-way to 3rd and 1st grades ... and I feel like time is passing so quickly with them now.  Very rarely does K want anything to do with her momma ... which I thought wouldn't happen until she was much older.  Tanner still likes having me around, but he is stuck halfway between being "mommy's baby" and being "daddy's big boy."  And he can't decide which way he wants to lean most of the time.  Bless his little heart.

So I am going to spend every day of the next year being a better mommy to my kids.

Or at lead I'm going to try.

#2:  My reason for writing this right now.  I'm going to start blogging again.  I realize time has again gotten away from me ... so many things have happened in the last six months, both good and bad, and most people have only gotten snippets from Facebook status updates.  So I'm going to start writing again.  Maybe it will help me get my creative juices flowing again.  Or at least I can share all the awesome projects Tim and I have been doing around the house!  Or I can vent and get some feedback from some other people.  Either way, I'm going to start blogging again.

Not every day, mind you.  But I'm going to try.

So there they are.  My New Year's Resolutions for 2012.  Completely unrelated to weight loss.

Hopefully that will make them easier to maintain!! ;)

Favorite Photo Friday

It's back!  Because I know you've all been missing the posts of my favorite pictures of all time.

Actually, there has been a lot going on around here, what with the regular puppy-outings, school events, and bathroom renovations.  Oh, and not to mention the Fall happenings and what not.

So, in the spirit of Halloween, and because it's Fall, y'all, here is my favorite photo from the Morris family archives.

"Zoey" and Daddy

Trick or Treating

October 2006

This picture tells more of a story than you may think at first glance.  Not only is my little girl super-duper tiny in this picture, but look at the neighborhood!!  Of course, this is not our neighborhood; it is the one across the street.  We were the only house at this point, so we had to trek over to Crestmont to get some loot.  Notice how much daylight there is -- back then we had to go out pretty early because (what you can't see in the picture) we had a little 2 month old army man in a stroller.  And neither he nor his "big" sister were having any late nights at that point.

This picture just makes me realize how much Kendall has grown up.  So many things have been going on with her lately ... all because she's growing up and trying to figure out who she wants to be.  She has become downright sassy with her daddy and me, and I just keep reminding myself that she acts that way around us because she knows we will forgive her and love her unconditionally.    Physically, she is changing, too.  Thank goodness we aren't shopping in the training bra section yet, but I think that moment will be here in the blink of an eye.  I mean, I never thought the day would come when her clothes would fall off those tiny little hangers in her closet, and now they do.  Just last week we had sealants put on her PERMANENT molars.  What?  My baby is too little to have permanent teeth!  Not to mention, she has 4 teeth missing right now, which means those big goofy adult teeth are just around the corner (along with a few awkward years of school photos).  Lastly, Kendall has taken to spending a lot of time by herself.  Gone are the days of playing with little brother, for the most part.  She'll play with him from time to time, just because she doesn't have anything else to do.  But more nights than not, I can hear her in her room, radio turned up, singing away to some Taylor Swift or Selena Gomez song.  And most of the time she has her door closed.  "Mom, I just want some privacy, OKayyyyyyy?"  And all of this while still sneaking in a few sweet hugs and kisses and occasional moments of praise.

Like this morning when she said, "You know, Mom, you're pretty much perfect."

I adore my little girl and everything she adds to our family.  More today than yesterday because she always knows what to say when I need to hear it.

I miss my kids.

I was going to spend the first half of this post giving you the low-down on why I've been such a bad blogger as of late.  Instead, I will assume that all of you have been keeping tabs on me via the New Facebook that tells you my every move on the right of your screen.  For the one friend I have who is not on Facebook (Pennington), let me just say that my days have been filled with work, a new puppy, raising my kids, loving the hubs, and balancing all of the other things in-between.

Forward ahead to today (it's only been 3 months since I blogged ...)

I miss my kids.  I've had a pretty hard time lately with juggling all that goes into being a working mommy.  Granted, I don't work long hours (thank goodness its only 9-1 every day), but I do have to spend my time at home trying to do all the things that I used to do all day long while the kids were at school.  Lucky for me, I have a husband who enjoys helping around the house -- but I can say that I absolutely do not want to spend my time at home cleaning now.

Mommy guilt has kicked in to the -nth degree in the last week.  My kids went to school on picture day before I was able to snap a picture with our camera.  I refuse to pay $130 for school pictures, so I will not have any pictures from Fall picture day.  The same day, I sent in Tanner's field trip form with a simple check next to "My child ___________ has permission to attend the field trip.  Fee is attached."  This is the first time there was no check beside "I would like to be a chaperone."  That part made me really sad. And then, the same morning, I overheard another Supermom in my neighborhood telling her kiddos, "I'll see you at lunch, OK?"  I was almost in tears at that point.

I know my kids probably don't even notice that I don't come to eat with them that often.  I've only been once since school started.  My mom has been a couple of times, and Tim has even been once.  But I miss doing that.  Also, K brought home a U on a language arts test (which is the equivalent of an F) Friday, and I had to write en email to her teacher saying, "Sorry its taken me so long to get in touch with you, but K is failing and I just now have time to talk to you about it."

OK, it didn't actually say those exact words, but you get my drift.

And I think now I put ridiculous expectations on my kids when we are together.  I expect them to tell me all about their days and talk to me about their friends.  I expect them to love on me and tell me how much they miss me.  I expect them to be perfect little angels all the time because I want our time together to be perfect.

Those are ridiculous expectations for any 5 and 7 year olds, I know.  But it's what I want.

So, yes, I miss being a stay at home mom.  I miss having all that time to spend at school with the kids, getting to know their teachers and friends.  I miss the sweethearts my kids used to be ...

And are they ugly now because I don't spend so much time with them?  Do they misbehave because they do not have me there to guide them every step of the way?

Or are they just growing up?

But, I must add as a disclaimer, while I miss being a stay at home mom, I do really enjoy my job most days.  But that's a blog for another day!

Favorite Photo Friday

Tanner Michael - July 13, 2011

Amazed.  That is the only way to describe how I felt when I took this picture.  And proud.  Yes, I was crying as I snapped the photo and had to explain to Tanner that they were happy tears.  

This one has put me through the ringer this summer.  No doubt.  But then he goes and does something like this ...

Tim has been trying to get Tanner to ride his bike forever.  Every time he'd come out of the garage with a different riding toy (other than his bike) I would grow and more irritated.  No, I do not know how to ride a bike.  All the more reason for me to want both of my kids to know how.  I know how much they will be left out if they don't learn.  And then, when they are my age, people will crack jokes about them every chance they get.  (I know, I have great friends, right?!)  

So tow days ago, in the blazing Georgia heat, Tim took the training wheels off.  He gave Tanner one little push to get him started, and he hasn't stopped since.  He's only had one minor wreck that didn't even draw blood.  And he is so incredibly proud of himself.  As he should be.

And he cracks jokes with everyone else now about how Mommy doesn't know how to ride a bike and he does.  "And I'm still 4!"

Lovely.

I'm so proud of my monkey.

I Need a New Approach and I'm Open to Suggestions

I'm going to write this post while the feelings are still fresh.  I considered just writing it down and throwing it away, just to vent, but now I feel like I need to share it in the hopes that someone out there can shed some light on this subject.

In the recent months of crazies hurting babies, I've grown very weary of people.  While I've grown very weary of people I don't necessarily know, I've become very lenient with my own children.  I should keep reminding myself (every second) that they are only children.  They do not know the world like I do; nor do they understand the bad things that are out there.  They've learned about "stranger danger" and "good touch, bad touch," but they don't know all the statistics that support child abuse by people that the children do know.

Anyway, where is this coming from?  I just experienced the second incident this week of losing my kids.  No, we weren't in a department store or at a corn maze.  We were simply in our neighborhood.  OK, technically, they weren't "lost," as Kendall is quick to point out.  They knew exactly where they were. (They also knew they were exactly somewhere they weren't supposed to be. But I digress.)

We live in a small community -- 20 homes, to be exact.  Tim and I were the first couple on Creekwood Lane, and I have enjoyed getting to know the people who have moved in since we did.  We have a good number of kids -- not too many and not too few -- and all the parents are pretty good about watching each others kids when needed.  I feel like I am one of the more strict parents when it comes to certain rules -- I prefer that my kids not go inside anyone else's house.  I prefer that they not eat and drink at others' homes.  I prefer that they not play in the back yard of others' homes.  I don't feel like these are ridiculous requests, and I hope I don't come off as "the mean mom" when I don't allow other neighborhood children to do those things at my house.  Anyway, last weekend my kids decided to completely disobey one of the strict rules when they ventured into a neighbor's house.  The kids weren't even home, so I'm not sure why they thought they could go inside.  And they were innocently enough playing a video game and visiting when I went to drag them out by their ears bring them home, but it still left me feeling very uneasy.  Without scaring them, I tried to explain why is wasn't OK for them to be in the house when  we had no idea where they were.  They kept saying, "But we know them, Mom," and I wasn't sure how to counter that argument.  Tim and I finally settled it with, "If they are in the front yard, you can go visit."

Done.

Until this morning.  The daily ritual has pretty much become 1) Get up, 2) eat breakfast, 3) make beds, 4) go outside and play before it gets so darn hot.  This morning was no different.  And I have some consignment sale stuff to get in order, so I was going to clean out drawers and closets while the kids rode their bikes in the culdesac.  Naturally, as is usually the case, Tanner came in about 7 minutes into the task and asked if they could go ask Loren to play (our new neighbor who is the perfect age of 6 - right between Kendall and Tanner).  It was only 9:30, so I told them to just ride and if she saw them and wanted to come out, she would.  I peeked outside a few times and saw them riding in the road, so I figured it was all clear.  About 20 minutes went by before Tanner came in and asked if they could go ask if some other neighbors could play. I said no, simply because I didn't want them riding down the hill when I wasn't outside.  I also know that most of the dads are home on Saturday, and many of the families in our neighborhood like to do family time on Saturdays.  10 minutes later I looked outside and saw no sign of my kids.  I walked down to Loren's, but I know that her parents are much like Tim and myself, so my kids certainly wouldn't be in her house.  I put Snickers on her leash and we walked down the street.  I found their bikes in another neighbor's driveway (the one I specifically said no to) just as the mom pulled in the driveway.  2 of her 3 kids climbed out of the car, so then I was wondering what in the world my kids were doing down there, in the house, when only 1 of the kids was home.

Anyway, lonnnnnnng story-short, we have a new set of neighbors on the front of the street.  My kids had taken it upon themselves to, not only disobey the fact that I said no to going down the street, but had also traveled back up the street to a person's house I HAVE NEVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY IN A LINE UP SHOULD I HAVE TO.

OK, so I knocked on the door and introduced myself.  The mom was nice and sweet, and they have 2 gorgeous Weimerieners, and they have 2 kids (ages 7 and 9), and she gladly sent my two devil children angels out the door with Oreo crumbs on their faces.  I know I probably came off as rude and unfriendly, but I was so angry that I couldn't think straight.  Luckily, I held it in until she shut the front door.  I attempted to keep my cool as I told the kids to collect their bikes and helmets and follow me home.  I then told them, very calmly, that they would be spending the rest of the day inside the house because they deliberately disobeyed me.

"Well, I'm coming back outside after lunch.  I don't care what you say."

Excuse me???????

And that was the 4 year old.

Then the 7 year old said, "Mom, we just wanted to play.  And we know them.  It doesn't matter if you don't know them."

As I type it, her words don't sound so bad, but it was the tone.

I started to argue and explain why (again) it was not OK for her to be in this person's house, but I just gave up.  I don't know how else to explain it.  So I just walked.  And when they complained about not being able to push their bikes up the hill, I told them to leave them.  (Of course, they didn't.)  When they asked why they couldn't come back out after lunch, I told them because I said so.  Once they started arguing, I was seeing red and had no more words for them.

And then, when we entered the house, Kendall said, "Well, I'm going back out anyway."

If I could have reached her, I would have slapped her little 7-year-old cheek.

Seriously.

How did I get like this?  When did she get like this?  Have 7-year-old's always ben his sassy?  I hate that the thought even crossed my mind, but nothing else seems to be working with these two.  I know I love them, they obviously have no idea how much.  I know I shouldn't be a helicopter parent and follow them around everywhere, but when they get a tiny bit of freedom, they don't use it wisely.  I don't want them to be fearful of the world, but I want them to understand how serious I am about following the rules. And as I slapped peanut butter on their sandwiches and listened to them talk about how mean I am, tears welled up in my eyes.  Is this how it has to be?  In order to get some order and obedience, do I have to be mean and angry and nasty all the time?

Ugh.  Then, as we were eating lunch and both kids kept saying, "Why do you always make this?  We don't even like this," I just started crying.  And I still can't stop.

There are only so many times in a day when I can feel like a failure.  I know I'm not a failure -- but it feels that way sometimes.  I mean, in a course of 1 hour I ignored my kids, lost them, and then wanted to slap them when they ran off and talked back.  If I was more hands-on, I would know where they are all the time.  If I paid more attention to them, they wouldn't be so bored.  If I had fun things for them to do and cool places for them to go, they wouldn't be constantly asking to go bug the other kids.  I just wish I didn't always have to say, "No."  But I also know that it is my job to say no sometimes.  Until their own brains can decide if it's a good choice or a bad choice.

But I fear, from their recent endeavors, that they may never know the difference.

I'm thinking maybe I should just get lost for a little while and see how they feel about it.

Favorite Photo Friday

Tanner Michael

July 2011

We've had a rough summer, Tanner and I.  I'm pretty sure he's ready to go back to school -- he misses his friends, especially having other boys to play with.  He's always been my really good sleeper, so the fact that he's waking in the night now is a little strange.  Yesterday, I forced him to stay in his room for some quiet time (for Mommy!), and when I noticed how quiet it was in there, I opened his door and found this.  He didn't even have his sound machine on.  There were toys all over the floor, like he started out playing but just gave up.  I'm sure Lovey was calling his name, and once his head hit the pillow, it was all over.  Notice - he doesn't even have his thumb in his mouth.

Even if we've had some rough times these few weeks, I adore him.  Every single smelly, whiny, precious inch of him.

In the Middle

Any "The Middle" fans out there?  I may be catching this train a little late, but Tim and I caught a rerun last night while waiting for the kids to hit the hay.  It was the one where the youngest boy won't cross the bridge because he's afraid the bridge will crumble and they will drown after lake water rushes into the car and they are unable to get out.  Anyway, both parents try multiple times to get him to cross the bridge.  They try all kinds of tactics -- tough love, bribery, whining, threatening, etc.  But, in the end, they decide that they have not failed -- they have, in fact, won because they have raised an independent thinker who is strong-minded and does not give in easily to the advances from others.

So after watching that episode last night (and deciding that my family is more like a sitcom than I previously imagined), I found myself relating rather well to the mom on the show.  I find myself trying to talk to my kids and convince them that my decision is the best one.  I often want them to understand why my choices are wise ones and how silly their feelings and worries are when compared to the big picture of life.  We have had a tumultuous spring and summer, complete with thunderstorms and lightning, and both of my kids are afraid of both.  I have tried wishing it away (their fear), explaining it away, etc, and Tim has tried threatening it away.  To no avail, I found myself in bed with both kids night before last during our most recent storm.

You can imagine my relief when there was no thunder or rain last night at bed time.

So we put the kids to bed at a relatively early time (8:30 or so), and they slumbered soundly for a long time.  I slept rather well, and I'm assuming Tim did too.

Then, at 5:30 AM, Tanner comes racing in our bedroom and slams his face down on my side of the bed. Unaware of the time, I tried to turn and scoop him up, only to get clipped in the nose by his arm.  Apparently he was trying to climb in my bed ... not just wake me up.  Climbing in Mommy's bed is a big no-no in this house, and he knows it.  So I picked him up, all 50 lbs (not including the weight of his 4 stuffed animals and 2 blankets) of him, and we tiptoed back to his bed so as to not wake Sissy.

I never looked at the clock.

After I tucked him back in and checked under the bed for monsters and explained that the thump he heard upstairs was, in fact, not a monster, but was, instead, Sugar jumping off the bed (I guessed), I yawned my way back to my bed.  I glanced at the clock and realized it was 5:30 and noticed Tim was already gone for the day.  Just as I settled back into a good REM cycle, I heard a blood-curdling scream coming from down the hall.

Mind you, if I heard it over the sound machine, dog snores, and super-sonic fan, it was really loud.  Tanner doesn't have a monitor (his 7 year old sister does, for some reason), but he hasn't required one in years.  So I went racing down the hallway, hoping to get to him before he woke Kendall.

No such luck.

Kendall was in her doorway, screaming, "What in the world is wrong with you???????  Why do you have to wake up the entire house, Tanner??!!"

Ugh.

I told K to get back in bed while I attempted to calm the screaming coming from Tanner's mouth.

You see, he is so frickin' stubborn!  He argued with me and argued with me -- about the light and the fan and the sounds and the monster under the bed and the clicking noises -- until I was ready to scream.

And then I did scream.

I tried every thing the parents tried on "The Middle."

"Tanner, we have a big day tomorrow.  You need to get some rest."

"Tannerbug, Mommy wants you to stop being a baby and be a big almost-5-year-old boy.  Go back to sleep."

"Tanner, if you don't stop screaming and stay in your bed, I'm going to shut your door and lock it.  Is that what you want?"

"Tanner, I'm going to spank you if you get up again."

"Tanner, you aren't going to get any of the toys in your birthday bucket if you don't go back to sleep."

"Tanner, you're going to have to take a nap tomorrow if you don't sleep."

"Tanner, please let Mommy go back to bed."

Then, finally, 30 minutes later, Tanner was in Mommy's bed.  Along with his sister.  And then the sun was coming up, so no one went back to sleep.

Yes, I gave in.

Again.

I guess I'm just lucky that my kids have a nice balance between their two parents.  Tim is the tough love dad, and I'm the push over.

Which is equally balanced by the fact that Tim is the fun dad and I'm the mean mommy.

Doesn't make much sense, does it?

But at least we meet somewhere in the middle when it counts.

Favorite Photo Friday

Kendall Loses Her 2nd Tooth

June 2011

Shortly after this picture was taken, Kendall was watching herself talk in the mirror.  When she spotted me watching her with a goofy grin on my face, this is what she said.

"What?!  Why are you watching me?"

"I am just watching you and looking at how different you look without your two front teeth."

(While watching herself talk, with attitude) "What?  Do I not look like a child anymore?"

Oh, Honey, you have no idea.  

And just an hour ago, after playing outside and being "the oldest girl in the neighborhood," Kendall really let it show just how much she's grown up.

Tanner was whining (which is the usual case these days), and Kendall said, oh so sweetly, "Tanner, you better stop or some one's gonna kick your ass."

Ummmmm, hunh?

What in the world is going on??  I mean, this little girl has been so completely awesome this summer.  Perhaps she just felt like she needed to show how "grown up" she is around the younger girls in the neighborhood.  I don't know.  Now I feel like I need to go talk to the other mom and explain that, should Loren belt out a "shit" or "dammit," she is simply doing what she heard from the much older, much wiser Kendall.

Of course, I stopped her immediately with a, "No, Ma'am, you do not say that word."  

To which she replied, "OK, Mom," like it was nothing.

So maybe she didn't mean anything by it.  But we will be having a talk.  She hasn't used a bad word (I mean, for goodness sake, she thinks stupid and hate are bad words.) since she was 2 or so and yelled, "Dammit," after hearing me say it when I was frustrated.

Did she hear this from me?  Perhaps.  I mean, it is possible.  Ass is not my word of choice, though.  So that makes me wonder if she heard it on TV or something.

Something to think about.  After we have a talk.

She's just growing up way too fast.

I Love Having a Girl

I know I talk a lot about how difficult Kendall can be.  For a few years now (or more) I've complained about her attitude and how hard she is to manage.  Of course, recently I realized it is because we are so much alike.  She is independent and stubborn; she gets each of these traits from her mom and dad, respectively.  I always joke about how she was such a rough baby (Thank God most of that has been blocked from my memory ...), she was an amazing toddler (except for the whole sleep issue thing), then she was a terrible three-year-old and a ferocious four-year-old.  When she turned 5, Kendall became the sweetest angel ever, only to return to the land of the sassy when she hit age 6.  Many have heard me say, "How can it be that I only got a few good years out of her?"

Of course, I mean those words with the greatest intentions and I say them with love, always.

I love my little girl.  In fact, I down-right adore her most of the time.  She is not cuddly and affectionate with me the way Tanner is, so many times it's difficult to "feel" the love.  But as we celebrated her 7th birthday this past weekend, I found myself reflecting on the life I've had with her so far.

In honor of my little girl and her 7th birthday, I am now going to give you the top 10 reasons why I love having a girl.  Specifically, my little girl.

1)  Hair -- Little girls have way better hair than little boys.  I mean, even if you decide to grow your son's hair out (which we tried to do for a few years), you still can't put it in rollers, braids, or pigtails.

Well, you can, but people will think you're weird.

And I am amazingly lucky to have a little girl who has a head of hair as luscious and gorgeous as her mother's.  Which is a blessing and a curse simultaneously.

2)  Nails -- While being a mom of a boy is awesome, having a little girl that you can take to the nail place is an experience everyone should have.  I look forward to many years of taking Kendall to the nail salon and having her nails done.  She has recently grown accustomed to doing her own nails at home (and I have to let her do them ... with clenched teeth), and she loves her glitter.

A boy with glittery fingernails just wouldn't be right.

3)  Lip gloss -- I love lip gloss.  So does Kendall.  And she has more lip gloss than I do.  Her favorite?  Her Clinique lip plumper.

4)  Shoes -- My girl loves some shoes.  And not only does she love having many pairs of shoes, she likes shoe shopping.  I remember when I was little and I used to play dress up with my mom's heels.  Kendall does the same thing now, at least once a week.  While I hate the stomping that comes with the heel testing, I do love to see her walking around in my shoes.  I can only hope one day that we have the same size foot ...  because she has great taste in shoes.

5)  Purses -- Kendall can appreciate a good purse.  Or bag.  And the bigger, the better.  Enough said.

6)  Chores -- She likes to help around the house.  Her favorite chore since she could reach the sink was helping with the dishes.  Heck, she even liked helping before she could reach the sink.  I like to show her other things to do do she won't always think that cooking and cleaning are her responsibility as a woman; but for now she's content taking on the "mother" role and helping me with the dishes and cooking.  And that makes me happy.  I recently found a new appreciation for her "help;" she helped pull my hair through the cap when we were doing my highlights.  Thanks, baby girl!

7)  Dolls -- I know in recent years it has been OK for boys to play with dolls.  Some new age moms even urge their boys to play with dolls, trying to break the gender stigma that comes along with raising boys and girls.  However, before I could tell her otherwise, Kendall became fascinated with dolls.  She has Barbies now, but even at age 7, she still prefers baby dolls.  Nana and I took her to the American Girl Bistro and Boutique for her birthday.  And while she appreciated all the big girl dolls, she immediately gravitated toward the Bitty Babies on the way in the store.  She ended up coming home with one; another baby to add to her collection.  And she loves carrying them, changing their fictitious diapers, and loving on them.  She puts them to bed and sings to them.  It all verifies that a) I've taught her something right about being a good mom, and b) she is going to be a good mommy one day.

8)  Dance -- I remember the first time I put a pair of tap shoes on Kendall.  I teared up as I tied those little black laces, and Kendall never understood why.  To this day, every time I watch her dance, I cry.  When they have parent watch week at dance class, I cry.  I know she thinks I'm so weird -- but it's just that I'm so proud of her.  She was so shy when she was younger.  And watching her break out of that shell has made me ooze with pride.  I adore all her little outfits and all her little tights and all her little costumes.  I was devastated when she told me she doesn't want to dance anymore.  I'm still hoping to change her mind before fall classes start.

9)  Daddy's girl -- I know that Tim doesn't realize it, but this little girl loves her some Daddy.  Not only do they look alike, but many aspects of their personalities are the same.  Not only is she gorgeous like him, but she is strong, independent, brave, and contemplative, just like Tim.  There are still nights when Tim isn't home and she cries when i put her to bed because he isn't here for her to kiss good night.  While it makes me tear up, it also makes me happy that she misses him when he's gone.  I love having a Daddy's Girl.

10)  Forever friends -- I know that, while Kendall and I bump heads pretty regularly these days, I have a forever friend in her.  Tanner will be the one that I have to take care of and get out of trouble; but Kendall is going to be a confidante, a shopping buddy, a dinner partner, and a friend when she is older.  I look forward to having a relationship with her like I have with my mom now.

As an added bonus, she is just so darn cute.  I couldn't ask for a better little girl.  I'm glad God chose Tim and me to be her parents.

The Book Doesn't Say What to Do Now!?!

When I was pregnant with both of my kids, I read all the books -- OK, well, I read them when I was pregnant with Kendall and then just tried to remember them when I was pregnant with Tanner.  But I remember well the importance placed on the effectiveness of room darkening shades and white noise machines or fans when trying to sleep-train your baby.  No matter what I read, the author's screamed with importance, "White noise is the way to go!!  The sound will drown out any other noise in the house and your baby will sleep like an angel."

OK, so I may be misquoting, but everything said something similar.

For the most part, the books were right.  Tim and I have slept with white noise machines and fans for years before the kids were born; it was only natural that they would follow in our oh-so-wise footsteps.  So each kid's room is equipped with it's own sound machine exactly like the one in our room and at Nana's house.  The sound machine goes where they go -- there is one at my mom's house but we pack one for Tim's parents'.  The kids just sleep better if they have it, just like their parents do.

(Side note -- When we went camping last, we even pitched our tent on a site with electricity so we could plug in our sound machines. Sad, I know.)

So last night, at 6:30, when the power went out, I was dreading the night to come.  The books don't tell me what to do when there is no electricity for the white noise machine.  How do you sleep in silence when you have been sleeping with that background noise for 7 years??  I know they've slept without it before once or twice, but the time I forgot to pack their machine for an overnight at the in-laws', all of the electricity wasn't out.  They still had night lights, fans, and such.

Anyway, after an evening of lots of huffing and puffing and things getting slammed around (In hind sight, I shouldn't have expected Tim to grill after working all day.  It was storming, after all.), we ate our lukewarm dinner by candlelight and got the kids bathed before it was too dark.  Then we sat.  The power was out at 6:30 and did not come back on until 2:30 AM.  I read half a book, Tim played on his iPhone until it went dead (or Tanner played on it), and Tim and I went through a bottle of wine.

How did people survive without electricity???  Seriously??

(Don't answer that.  It will only make me feel like a bad mom.)

Around 10 (when Georgia Power said the power would return) we threw in the towel and decided to try to get some sleep.

Silly me, I thought I would just nestle my little angels in their beds, meander back down the hall and climb in my bed.

No way.  I could hear Tanner crying as I brushed my teeth and decided I was going to have to sleep with them.

So for his birthday, Tanner is getting a king size bed.

(Only kidding ... partly ...)

I "slept" between a 7 year old and 4.5 year old for as long as I could stand it.  Eventually, it got so hot that I had to move to the foot of the bed (cross way, like a dog) and sleep on Tanner's pillow pet.  It was surprisingly comfortable -- or at least more comfortable.  At one point Tanner called for me, and I just tapped his leg and told him I was there and to go back to sleep.  He must have been confused (and thought he was lying sideways) because he shifted and pushed poor Kendall right out of the bed.

Good times.

At 2:30, finally!, the power kicked back on.  I've never been so happy for air conditioning.  I hefted my 54 lb daughter onto my shoulder and placed her in her bed; she never woke up.  I reset all the night lights so they wouldn't flash rainbows all night long.  Then I had to sing to Tanner so he would go back to sleep.  Once I hit my own pillow, I slept like a log.

This morning I woke up thinking that I got to experience something last night I haven't experienced in a long time.  About 4.5 years, to be exact.

As I lay between my two gifts from God, I listened to their breathing.  Tanner's breath is quick, like he's running a race in his sleep.  Every few minutes he smacks or sticks his thumb back in his mouth and I can hear him slurping away.  Kendall breathes deeply, but through her mouth.  So every few minutes I hear her licking her lips or rolling over.  They are both so peaceful when they are sleeping.  I revelled in the quiet for a few minutes, knowing that I am one of the luckiest women in the world.

Even without electricity.

My Organic REVELATION

I recently finished reading Alicia Silverstone's The Kind Diet.  An interesting read recommended by newly-vegetarianized friend Donna.  (You can read all about her awesomeness here.)  Tim hated me the entire time I read it.  I suspect because he knew I was reading up on all the grossness of eating meat (which he loves).  Or maybe it was because of all the ugly faces I was making while I read the info the book provided.

Anyhoodle, I've decided, after much contemplation, that the Morris family (at least this portion of it) is going organic.

As organic as possible, that it.

And it will likely be a slow process.  Most of you know I have grown accustomed to shopping with a coupon binder in tow, and I will still do so.  But my couponing will likely be restricted to household products like toilet paper, shampoo and conditioner, and cleaning supplies.

When I say organic, I mean we are hitting the organic portion of eating.  I'm not ready to go all "organic" on the cleaning just yet.

(Don't get my wrong -- there are still plenty of coupons for organic food products; just not as much as for the crappy, processed stuff.)

I won't get into the scientific points Silverstone presents (she is a huge animal activist and tree hugger, which I am most certainly not), but I will say that the book is an interesting read that made me say, "Hmmmmm," more than once as I turned the pages.  As I fear that my daughter will start her period in the next few weeks if we don't stop eating antibioticized, hormone-fed chicken, I am going to start buying organic chicken first and foremost.  I'd love to get all the dairy out of our house (Silverstone points out that dairy is not meant to be consumed by humans.  I mean mommy cows feed their baby cows their milk to grow them into 400 lb. cows after all.)  However, this girl loves some cheese.

And Greek yogurt.

And while we (Tim and I) don't drink a lot of milk, my kids do.  So we may have to transition slowly.  Organic milk (which is ridiculously expensive compared to the regular stuff, by the way!) is the way to go for now.

The biggest nasty food I'd love to get out of my life (and especially my kids' lives) is sugar.  I'm talking about the bad kind -- the -ose ones.  I never noticed much that sugar affects Kendall's behavior, but it most definitely affects Tanner's.  Of course, he is a big ball of sugar.  (He gets those cravings from his momma.) It may take a while, but I'd like to find other ways to satiate his hunger for sweets.  We'll see how that goes!

The biggest step (and I've taken it alone, for now) is giving up meat.  I have absolutely no moral reason for doing this.  Silverstone just says that  I will feel better if I don't eat it because my body isn't meant to process meat  So I'm going to try it.  I will say this -- I had a bean burrito at Las Palmas the other night and I didn't feel completely deprived.  And last night we went to dinner and I ordered a tomato, basil, and provolone panini.  It was delish.  Maybe this transition won't be so hard for me.

Getting Tim to jump on board will be hard.  And Tanner, being the chicken nugget aficionado that he is, will fight it tooth-and-nail, I'm certain.

But I'm not here to force anyone to do anything differently.

I just want to feel better.  And live longer and happier.

And I don't want my 7-year-old to have boobs.

Favorite Photo Friday

Kendall Leigh & Her Two Bottom Teeth

April 2005

Kendall wanted so badly to have an empty spot on her gums for the last day of 1st grade today.

She came into the kitchen this morning with a grimace on her face.  When I asked what was wrong (expecting a comment about how itchy her dress was or how her shoes were hurting her feet), she responded with, "My tooth really hurts, Mommy."

For a week now she's had a "sore" tongue where she's been wiggling that tooth back and forth.  All four of her front teeth are loose, but only one is close to making an exit.  Kendall's friend Emma (who just graduated kindergarten) lost her second tooth on Wednesday, so the pressure was on.  I think only one other child in Kendall's class hasn't lost a tooth.  While I keep explaining that her birthday is later than most people's, she just doesn't get it.

Or she just doesn't care.

Either way, she wanted that tooth out this morning.

Which did not happen.  It's still hanging on pretty tightly.  And I'm not going to be the tooth-puller in this family.  So unless she was going to rip it out herself, she'll have to wait for Daddy to get home.

In honor of how passionate Kendall is about losing that tooth, I wanted to use this picture of Kendall when those two bottom teeth first entered her mouth.  Now that I see her teeth didn't come in until she was almost a year old, I understand why they are coming out so late.

But I'm OK with that.  Her little life is moving along a bit too quickly for my taste right now anyway.  Everyone once in a while Tim or I will see her sitting on the couch, legs crossed like a lady, looking way too big for her almost 7-year-old skin.  Occasionally I can still catch a glimpse of my baby; she still gets that twinkle in her eye when she thinks something is really funny.  When I can get a hug from her, she still tangles her hands in my hair like she did when she was a baby.  Sometimes, when no one is listening, she whispers in my ear, "I love you."  But this year has gone by way too fast.  She will be 7 in a few weeks. I know moms say it all the time, but it really does seem like yesterday that she turned 6!  Heck, it seems like the day before she turned 1!!

For so many months (or sometimes years) we wish for time to speed up.  I know I wanted Kendall to move to the next stage so quickly when she was a baby.  I wanted her to hold her own bottle, to eat solids, to sleep though the night, to sit up, to walk ... now, as she conquers something new every day (reading, riding her bike, helping me cook, multiplication and division), I just want to scream, "STOP!!  Slow down for a second!!"  I'm not ready for her to move to the next stage (mostly because the next stage is going to come with more attitude than I'm prepared to deal with) though I know she has to do it.

I cannot believe my little girl -- the one I dreamed of and loved before she was even in my belly -- is at her last day of first grade.  

I have a second grader.

Geesh.

I'm not even old enough to have a second grader ...

Decision Made

For those of you keeping tabs ...

Tim and I accepted the spots at the Cherokee Charter Academy for the fall.  After reading many responses and ideas on the subject, we think it's the best decision for our family.  I worried over it for two days and then decided, "Well, what's the worst that could happen?  They don't open the doors?"

If that happens, then K and T will just go to Holly Springs as originally planned.

Actually, we are very lucky.  We are in a "win-win" situation.  I'm happy we don't live in a different school zone where we would really need to go to the charter school.

The biggest piece of advice I received sounded something like this ...

"If a private school called and offered to pay for your kids to come to their school, you'd jump on it, right?!"  Well, yeah, of course I would.  And the fact that the school isn't "established" yet shouldn't scare me away.  So what ... it's not a sure thing.  Nothing is a sure thing in life.  And this opportunity (both kids being accepted at the same time) may not ever happen again.

So we are heading into the situation with optimism.  Tim and I have already begun talking to the kids about a new school and how awesome it is going to be.  Everything will be shiny and new.  They will get to wear cool uniforms to school.  (Luckily, for us, our kids are young enough to think this is a good thing!)

Now that the spots have been accepted, I have to start collecting all the required forms and information.  Again.  I'm hoping that most of it can just be transferred once we know for sure the school is opening in August.  But there are so many other forms that have to be completed by the parents for the charter school. We have to commit to a certain number of volunteer hours each year.  We have to sign off that we will provide a space for homework to be completed every night for at least an hour.  We have to promise to restrict the use of electronics and, instead, replace that time with reading.  It felt kind of strange to sign my name to that sort of thing since I already try to do those things.  Anyway, it gives me hope for what the new school will provide as far as helping my kids grow and mature.  I'm really hoping it will help their imaginations grow and they will learn how to get along with all types of kids.

This is going to be such a great thing for them.

And, who knows?  Maybe it will give me an edge on the job opportunities!! ;0)

Always hoping ...

Thank for everyone who gave me their 2 cents worth.  It really did help!

Favorite Photo Friday ... well, sorta ...

Tanner Michael - December 2006

It seems only fitting that I be a sappy, old, nostalgic mommy today.  I was going to post the crying picture from the first day of school since it is, in fact, the last day of school.  But then I came across this old video from when Tanner was 4 months old.

Field Trip 09/2010

Yes, that gigantic baby is only 4 months old.

And you all wondered where I got the muscles in my shoulders and arms back then.

Halloween 10/2010

Anyway, if you watch closely, you'll notice that Tanner still looks very similar to this video.  Those big blue eyes are still there.  Those enormous lips are still there.  And that gummy grin is still the same, though there are some teeth now that have, unfortunately, been affected by almost 5 years of thumb-sucking.  His little giggle is still the same today, only his voice is a little deeper.

Thanksgiving Feat 11/2010

And if you listen closely (OK, so you don't really have to listen closely.  The little voice in the background is pretty prominent.), you can hear Kendall telling me to take her picture.

Just like now.

Christmas 12/2010

So here we are, one year of school under our belts.  Of course, now Tanner thinks he is going to kindergarten in the morning.  And as I type he keeps telling me he's ready to go get Sissy because, "It's too quiet here."  I'm rather liking the fact that I'm going to have some buddies for lunch soon.  

Well, I'm liking it for now.

I'm sure I will change my tune in a week or so.

Or maybe a few hours.

Chef Tanner 02/2011

But for now, I'm happy to have my little man home with me.  After all, I've missed the constant hugs and "I love yous" that he always has for me.  And I've missed tripping over Matchbox cars.  And Trio blocks.  And flip flops EVERYWHERE.

Breakfast with Easter Bunny 04/2011

Picking him up from school was probably sadder for me than for him -- he doesn't understand that he won't be seeing these kids again.  I think we are the only people in Child's Play that don't live in Bridgemill, so we won't be going to the same school next year as his friends and classmates.  So, in a rather astonishing moment of bright thinking, grabbed some Sharpies on the way out the door so his teachers and friends could sign his class shirt.  And he is loving having everyone's autographs on his shirt.

Senior Picnic 05/2011

And years from now we'll pull out his box of "old stuff" and I'll remember how proud I feel today.  And how lucky we were to have such an awesome experience at Child's Play (for both kids).  Ms. Sheila, Ms. Katie, and Ms. Christy will never know how much I have appreciated them this year and how much I will miss Tanner going to school with them every day.

Graduation 05/2011

I am one lucky mom.

It's Graduation Day!!

I know, I know.  It's been a long time since I wrote anything.  It isn't because I haven't had plenty to talk about -- I mean, we're gearing up for summer around here!  But I've been working a lot (out of the house), and then my kids have become a job all by themselves lately.  And once again my "status updates" have begun to define me, so I haven't really felt the need to blog as much.  Yes, my book is still untouched (and the thoughts, untapped in my brain).  Tim keeps reminding me that I haven't started that yet.  I am having the hardest time figuring out HOW to start it.  I mean, like, what should be the first sentence?

Anyway, today is a big day in the Morris house.  The baby of the family, little Tannerbug, is graduating from preschool tonight.  In honor of this momentous occasion, I am writing a nostalgic, sappy, heartfelt post on how wonderful and amazing he is.  I cannot believe, looking at these pictures, that this is the same little boy who started school in August.  While he was still the same age, he has grown so much this year.  At the beginning of the year, Tim and I used to sit and wonder if he'd ever "get it."  All the writing and the letters and the coloring in the lines ... I worried because he wasn't as advanced as Kendall was at his age.  I worried because he showed absolutely no interest in school.  And most of you probably remember my posts about dropping him off at school and how hard it was to get him in the swing of things.  It was probably Thanksgiving before I could drop him off without any tears.

Tanner - First Day

Now, while he'll probably never be a bookworm like his sister and mom, he has taken a liking to his friends at school.  He loves his teachers and the other kids at school.  He comes home daily with stories of what Joshua did that day or how funny Collin was in carpool.  And after spending time at Child's Play, I can honestly say that he has made some really good friends and grown a ton.  He learned most of his sight words (which Tim and I NEVER thought would happen).  He can write his first and last name, and his middle name if we spell it for him.  His coloring has improved, and he has even begun drawing pictures from scratch.  Monster trucks and police cars are his favorite. :0)



So here I am on the morning of his graduation and I am so proud of what he has accomplished this year.  I've always loved this little boy more than life itself -- and he knows it --but today I'm PROUD.  Pride is a completely different feeling and emotion.  To stand in front of a group of adults and say, "Yep, that one is mine," makes me feel so good.  Tanner makes me smile like no other, he gives hugs like no other, and he still loves being his momma's boy.

Tanner - Graduation

As Tanner stands on the stage tonight in his red, white, and blue and belts out, "God Bless America," I'll secretly be thinking about the first time I swaddled him, the first time I rocked him, the first time he took a step, the first time he said, "Momma," the first time he walked away without looking back, and I'll smile behind those tears.  I am so proud of our little bug.