Four Letter Words

OK, it's not what you think.

But the last few weeks have been filled with four letter words. The first word that comes to mind is busy. We have been doing some much needed upheaval around the Morris house with some renovations and such. OK, so that was more than a few weeks ago, but it feels like its never ending. Tim and I continue to have conversations about how we need to finish Tanner's bedroom (we still haven't settled on a theme yet ...) and we still need to do some more stuff to Kendall's room to make it complete. We continue to "spring clean," which is really just our every week cleaning on steroids. Yard work has begun again, and while I love the green grass, I don't love the daily watering of the new flowers and trees. They are gorgeous, mind you, but I wish we could get a little rain so I didn't have to drag the hose(s) out to water.

The second four letter word that comes to mind is fast. I swear it hasn't been 6 months since I blogged. But the days just get away from me. I have good intentions, people. I have a long list of blog ideas on my note pad on my iPhone. Just in case I ever do get a second to blog. In fact, it is midnight right now and I want to get this down before I fall asleep. (And Tim is out with his boys so I really can't sleep anyway. But I digress ...). I realize we only have 30 days of school left and I will have a 3rd grader and a 1st grader in my house. Craziness, I tell you. While we were toying with the idea of repeating kindergarten, I can honestly say Tanner is ready to proceed after spending the day with him on a field trip yesterday. Not only was he 80% better behaved than most of the other boys; he was also bigger than 75% of the boys!! (This is of course a rough estimate ...) So, unless his teacher feels otherwise, my baby will be heading to the first grade in August. But, I swear, it was only a few weeks ago that we were gearing up for his preschool graduation ... Which leads me to the fact that I only have 25 days left?!?! What??? I can't believe I've already been through an entire school year with my babies. And they've grown so much ... It makes me sad to hear that they will be moving on to other rooms next year ...

Lastly, the past few weeks have been mean. Yes, it's a four letter word and it's hit our home like a ton of bricks. I you have a little girl hovering around the tween years, you know exactly what I am referring to. I know ... I hear you ... "But, Keisha, Kendall is an angel. She never misbehaves and see is always respectful when I see her."

Well, Tim and I are very happy that she acts that way for others. Because if you caught a glimpse of her mean streak, you'd surely gasp at what you saw. However, in her defense, she is surrounded by it. I just ordered a book called Little Girls Are Mean. I haven't started reading it yet, but it is about bully-proofing your child. Kendall is not a bully, but I fear she may not be strong enough to fend off one should one present itself. I also want her to know how to stand up for someone else if she sees a bully picking on someone else. We've been having some issues with friends at school, just regular girl stuff. I mean, who knew three girls couldn't play together without getting into an argument?? (Wait, I may have a flashback of something similar from when I was about 8...). Anyway, I feel like Kendall and I are growing further and further apart because I find it harder and harder to communicate with her when she is so flippant and, well, mean, for lack of a better term. And, in natural girl-fashion, I find myself being flippant and mean right back to her.

It's a vicious cycle.

But that's what's been going on around here.

Lots of four letter words flying around.

And that is why I havent blogged much.

But, on a brighter note, hubs did buy me an iPad. So I may be blogging more at night.

If I can just get used to the fact tat the return key and the back key are right next to each other, it won't take me so long to type an entry!!

Just a (long) peek ...

... at our (my) night last night.



** Disclaimer: This account is 100% my perspective, that being the perspective of the one getting up with the child and then not going to work. The opinions expressed are only those of an exhausted woman, not those of her her equally-exhausted (I'm sure) husband.



8:PM -- Kids are bathed, dressed in PJ's and ready to say good night. Tim takes Tanner to his bed while I get Kendall in hers. The nightly ritual begins. It takes several minutes to get her settled -- the right lovey, the right blanket, the right animals (which are different every night), the right song to lull her to sleep. Last night was "You Are My Sunshine," which I still love singing to her. Then I kiss her good night, we talk about the sweet dreams she will have about princesses, swimming pools, and pink bears, and I walk out of the room. ("I'm gonna miss this ...")



8:04 -- Return to Kendall's room to answer the usual questions -- "Are there any monsters?" "Is this house gonna break?" Then I remind her that if she calls Mommy again, I will close her door. Kiss good night, walk out of room.



8:30ish -- While trying to watch Ugly Betty, I hear Tanner crying and coughing. So I'm the one who must go in to comfort him. "He's gonna want you." OK ... 15 minutes later I exit after pleading with Tanner to let me put him back in his crib so he can rest and we can go play at Meg's house tomorrow. "With her Backyardigans guitar???" Yes, Tanner, with her guitar. (How does he remember this stuff?)



8:50 -- Kendall wakes up with a yelp. I run to her room, afraid she will keep Tanner from falling asleep. We go through the usual things -- she's not really awake, I try to comfort her but it doesn't work. She just keeps flailing and kicking her covers off. Finally, she asks if she can come sleep in my bed. I try to patiently explain (while Dr. Shepherd is trying to save the pregnant woman with the brain bleed) that she hasn't even been asleep for an hour yet. Out of the room again.



10 PM -- Tim and I hit the hay. I can't really sleep very well after watching that guy lose his wife. After asking Tim if he would cry like that if I died, I drift off to sleep. But not before thinking, "I wonder if she will wake up tonight?"



11:30 PM -- Here we go. Just a little check to make sure Mom didn't leave her alone with the monsters in the house that is breaking. A little kiss puts her right back to sleep. I return to my bed, sing a little Trace Adkins to myself, and drift back to Neverland.



2:15 AM -- Aye yi yi -- you must be kidding!! The post-2 AM wakings are never a good sign. Usually if I can get right in there and tend to her, she'll go back to sleep with no fuss. But not this time. When I go in her room, she is sitting up in her bed. I ask what is wrong; she says she wants to get in my bed; I say no, that she has to sleep in her bed, etc. I try to get back in the bed and go back to sleep, but there is no use. I just lie there, wondering when she will cry out again. As expected, she calls for me at 2:25, then again about 10 minutes after that, and so on.

After the 2:25 wake up, I decide to just try to catch some 5 minute cat naps on the couch, in between the protests and crying from Kendall. Just as I start to doze, I hear another cry or yell. Either she needs to go potty, or her panties are wet (of course!), or she wants to sleep in my bed (Mind you, she hasn't slept in my bed in months!), or she wants to know what Daddy is doing. All in the name of not going to sleep.

I glance at the clock a few times but then decide it is better not to look at my night of sleep ticking away. Not only can I see my time to sleep fading, but I feel the build-up of a ticking time bomb for the morning (either Kendall or me -- it's questionable who will explode first when we haven't had our sleep). As I lie on the couch, I find myself thinking all those horrible things moms aren't supposed to think. I don't understand why I'm still dealing with all this sleep crap. I still don't think it's fair that my friends who have newborns are getting more sleep at night than I am. I still don't think it's fair that I have to deal with this on my own.

OK, I can hear it all ready. Yes, Tim works. He works hard. And he's tired. And he gets up at 5 AM every morning. And he can't be sleepy because he works with electricity and napping during work would be a catastrophe. But 4 nights our of 7, I am up for this same period of time in the night, whether it be with Kendall or Tanner.

So I am left to fend for myself with a child who cannot be reasoned with during the night or that cannot understand why she feels so grumpy (and why Mommy does too) all day long. It's a vicious cycle.

I consider spanking her, locking her door, yelling at her. Then I consider some less drastic alternatives, all of which would hurt her just as much in the long run -- getting in the bed with her (which I also haven't done in months), letting her get up and watch TV til she falls back asleep, just staying in my bed and ignoring her. But I can't do any of it -- not because I think it is mean or cruel, but because I don't want to wake Tanner.

4:15 AM -- With one last glance at the clock, I crawl in my bed. This is after repeated door closings (We got up to 5 minutes this time.) and threats of not going to Meg's house in the morning. I wait for about 10 more minutes to hear some more crying, listen to my stomach growl, and my eyes close. And then ...

Tim's alarm goes off.

What?!!! God has to be kidding. I have literally been awake my entire night??? And now I have to listen to Tim's alarm go off and snooze for the next 30 minutes or so before I can really get some sleep.

I'm not sure how or when it happens, but I fall asleep, and sleep well until 7:15 when Kendall bounces in my room and screams, "Wake up, Mom!" I think of saying, "Buzz off, Kendall," and would have had it not been for the fact that A) I need to take a shower (for Heather's sake), and B) I am NOT about to miss our play date (for my sake). So I climb out of bed, turn on the coffee pot, and pull out some PopTarts. I zone out during breakfast, half-way listening to Tanner and Kendall discussing their plans for the day -- "We will play outside and go to Meg's house and I will hold Kate and we will play with Meg's toys and I do not have dance today so we can play Play-Doh and then Daddy will come home and you will take a nap and I can play on the computer" --

HOLD UP!

"No, you won't, Miss Priss. You, my dear, will be taking a nap when Tanner does. I will not have another monster at the dinner table tonight. And your throat is never going to get better if you don't rest. And you have to get better so you can go back to school on Monday. You have to."

So now, here we are, back from Heather, Meg, and Kate's house. I am blogging with one eye open, between yawns. Tanner and Kendall are both in their rooms; sleeping? I don't know. And I don't care. This is just a much-needed break.

Don't feel like you have to sympathise with me or reassure me of what a good mom I am. I know that I'm doing what I can -- and as long as I have a few people to vent to, I'm good! So thanks for reading and letting me vent!!

No UTI ...

... just strep throat?!!!

Yep, I mentioned her not sleeping and running a fever a week ago, and they stuck those ginormous Qtips down her throat and tested her for strep.

While we waited for the results, I told the doctor about the panty-thing, and she said that it sounds more like an attention-getting strategy. Since it started out that she was wet (because she wasn't wiping herself well enough) and I had to come take care of it, now she does it because it gets her attention. Because she's going to be taking meds for the throat thing, if there is a UTI, it should clear up over the next 10 days.

Sigh.

I feel really bad now. But she's on some antibiotics, and should be good as new soon. She all ready slept a ton better last night (actually fell asleep on Tim's lap after dinner - "You're gonna miss this.").

Night Four Brings New Issues

* This is just a warning -- if you are tired of reading my blogs about sleep issues and how I don't know how to deal with them, just don't read for a few days. It's all I have to talk about right now!

So last night was different. Kendall fell asleep by herself, which is a huge breakthrough. Of course, I tried putting Tanner to bed, but he wanted to rock rock, over and over. SO I just laid him down screaming and Tim came in to put him to bed. I'm thinking Tim should just put him to bed ... we'll see. So by 8:05 the kids were asleep! Hooray!

Kendall woke up at 11:30 calling for me from her room. She did not get out of her bed. When I went in, she needed to go potty, and then after proceeded to call me back in for about 45 mins. I finally told her that if she called me again, I was going to shut her door so she wouldn't wake Tanner. (That probably isn't what Dr. Ferber says to do, but I haven't read that far yet.) She woke up again at 3:30, doing the same thing. But she went right back to sleep, only crying once because she wouldn't find her lovey. Of course, then Tanner woke up. I went in, picked him up, loved on hm, did not rock, gave him some teething tablets and laid him back down. He went back to sleep. Then Kendall woke at 7 sharp, and I got in bed with her for a few minutes, just to let the sun emerge. Tanner woke up shortly after, and he climbed in bed with the two of us for a few minutes. I went to potty, and when I came back, this is what I saw.

How can you be mad at them when they are so darn cute in the mornings?!

Anyway, this is where we are. Last night I feel like I got less sleep than the nights before, but we're getting there. (This is when I would usually cave, justifying it by saying that we got more sleep when I was sleepign with Kendall. Just have to remember this si about her - not me.) Kendall stayed in her bed all night long ... do you know how long it's been since she did that? And I'm very proud of her for going to sleep on her own. She hasn't done that in 3 years!!

Ferberization and inconsistency -- my savior and my weekness

I have found something that really works!! Well, apparently it was found many, many years ago, but the idea has always had a negative connotation for me. Recently, after my complaining about not getting any sleep, a friend suggested the Ferber method. At this point in the game, I'm all for anything that will work! Tim and I had turned the doorknob around and we were about to lock her in for the night when Katherine scanned and emailed some pages from her book. Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems seems pretty straight forward. There's no "reasoning" with you child or being "robotic", the two extremes that I just can't seem to do. I know there is absolutely no point trying to talk to Kendall in the middle of the night to get her to stay in her bed. No asking her, "Why are you scared?" or "What can Mommy do to make you feel better?" I also, however, cannot do it the Supernanny way. I tried just picking her and putting her back in bed and walking out. I did it over and over and over ... but it seems that no explanation isn't the answer either. So Ferber it is.



3 nights ago I sat down after the kids were finally asleep and read the pages Katherine emailed. It seemed easy enough. The fundamental rule is if you stay in your bed, your door stays open; if you get out of bed, your door closes. And Kendall does not like her door closed. So night before last, before bed I explained the process to Kendall very plainly, just like the book says. Tim still sat with her to go to sleep (which we're figuring out is not going to work), but when she woke up at 2:30, I picked her up, put her in bed and said that if she got up, I was going to close her door. About 20 mins. later she came to get me, and as promised, I put her in bed and closed her door for 1 minute. She was fine at first, but once she felt she couldn't just open the door, she started crying. After 1 minute, I opened the door and put her back in, telling her that if she got out of bed, I would close her door, but for now I was going back to my bed and leaving her door open. About 3:15, she came out again, and I put her back and held the door for 2 minutes. (It's all progressive.) She FREAKED OUT!! Screaming, crying, wailing, banging on the door ... so we only made it to 80 seconds, but she got the point. After being put back in bed she only called out for me once (but didn't get out of bed!), and then fell asleep around 4, by herself, in her bed, and slept til 8 AM.

Wow, I thought! That really wasn't so bad at all. Then last night, she went to sleep by herself (with a little protest, but still alone), woke up at 12:30, I put her back in bed, told her to stay, and she did! Until Tanner woke her up crying at 5. Poo. So this is where the inconsistency comes in. At 5 AM, do I leave her in her room where she can't go back to sleep because I'm letting Tanner cry, or do I put her in my bed to go back to sleep? This is soooooo hard!! So against my better judgement, I put her in my bed ... and she didn't really ever go back to sleep ... because she knew she was supposed to be in her bed.

Oh well ... at least we're getting through to her. And I'm very proud of her ... and myself ... now to just get the rocking chair out of Tanner's room ...

Am I losing my mind?

Do you ever think that you're losing your mind? Like your brain just isn't functioning the way it's supposed to? I'll preface this by telling you that my wedding rings disappeared while Tim and I were in Chattanooga. He says I lost them, I say they were stolen. Either way, it happened because I was careless and left the rings out when I shouldn't have.

Anyway, this is not the first thing that has happened that has made me wonder if I'm nuts. For example, I've done several loads of laundry as of late that have come out a different color than they went in. I drove all the way to Walmart 2 weeks ago to0 return something that wasn't in my car when I arrived there. Most of you know I peed on and flushed my cell in the Target restroom after it fell out of my back pocket. I went out to dinner with Tim and no kids and didn't bring my ID. Yeah, I know ... Then after wearing my wedding rings Friday evening at dinner, I placed them back in the jewelry bag and left them on a table in our hotel room.

I'm so upset ... with myself, really ... Tim is pissed, of course ...

So today I call the hotel to check and see if they have any news on my missing rings yet, and he tells me no. They are still investigating. So I called the Chattanooga Police Dept. to file a police report. Apparently, if the amount of worth is over $500, you have to file the report in person.

Great.

So I guess I'm making another trip to the city I didn't really enjoy the first time around.

Poo.

When I'm over this slump, I'll share some pics form our trip.