Favorite Photo Friday

We keep pictures as our screen saver on the lap top in the kitchen.

While injecting the butt for tomorrow, this picture popped up and Tanner said, "Mommy, that's when I loved you the first time."

Tanner and Mommy - August 4, 2006

Oh, sweet angel, you'll never know in your whole life how much I loved you then.

Or how much more I love you now.

True Mom Confession

I'm sure by now most of the people who know me (or read about my daily trials) know that I am far from being a perfect mom.  I like to think that I have some things figured out, and I still catch myself judging other moms -- "I wouldn't do it that way," I think many times.  Most days I still yell at one or both of my kids.  I fore go playing with the kids in order to check my email/Facebook, watch a recorded TV show, or to clean the house a few times a week.  And at around 3 PM I begin to watch the clock, waiting for 5 PM, knowing that Tim will be home soon (most days).

And after the exhaustion of the last 3 days, constantly BEING with Tanner, trying to teach him how to share with Brady (and vice versa), I finally had enough last night.  In everyone else's defense, I sorta did it to myself.  Kendall had dance last night until 5, and I wanted to get my hair cut.  I should've gotten it cut while she was at dance instead of after, but I waited.  The kids were fine while I got my new do, but then it was 6 PM when we got back home.  I had to heat up leftovers, then fight with the kiddos about why they wouldn't eat it.  Tim came home unexpectedly early (Thank God!), so he went out to cut the grass after we ate.  Naturally, Tanner wanted to go out with his daddy, which, this time, I didn't argue with.  I can tell he's really missed him the last few days (whether it be because he hasn't seen him much or just because he's tired of looking at me).  So Kendall took her shower while I guzzled a glass of wine cleaned up the dinner dishes (Note to self:  Empty the dishwasher when it is finished.  Otherwise, you will be left with handwashing dishes on a night that is already hectic enough.)

When Kendall was sparkly clean, she went out to get Tanner so he could take his bath.  All of a sudden, he became the most impossible kid!!  (Or maybe I was the most impossible mom.)

"Tanner, you need to go potty before you get in the tub."
"I don't need to."
"Well, you need to try."
"I want to get some toys."
"Tanner, you don't have time to play -- it's late and we need to get ready for bed."
"But I want some toys."
"OK, get two cars.  And then go potty."
"I got Snot Rod and Lightning McQueen.  I don't need to go potty."

He climbs in the tub only to grip his little peanut and make the, "Oh no!" face.  I pull him out and sit him on the potty, knocking SnotRod into the water.

"I don't need to go!  Mommy, get SnotRod!!!!!!!!"
"Tanner you can get him when you finish pottying."
"I DON'T NEED TO GO!!!!!!!!!  I TOLD YOU THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In hindsight, there are so many other ways I could have handled this situation.  Would it really have hurt to just pick up the car and hand it to Tanner?  Would it have killed us if I had just let him pee in the tub this once?Lord knows he did it when he was younger and drinking the bath water.  But what did I do?

I stood him up and whacked his wet, bare little bottom.

Hard.

Harder than I've ever smacked him.  Hard enough to leave a red mark.

And when his face crumbled, and he began screaming even louder than before, I instantly felt hatred for myself and my short fuse.

How could I do this to my sweet baby?

You have to understand, I love him more than life itself.  I never want to hurt him or see him cry.  And perhaps this is why he has grown to have some of these terrible attributes ... because I've never really made him share or never really told him no.  It's just been the two of us against the world ... for two years now since Kendall started school.  And, secretly, I think I pacify his every need because he's still the one who always loves me.  He still gives me smooches and cuddles for no reason.  He still doesn't want to leave me, not even while I go to the grocery store.  And while that is sometimes a pain in the rear, it is also reassuring.  It feels good to be loved and needed.

So after I popped his hiney, Tanner cried through his bath, just glaring at me with those crocodile tears running down his red little cheeks.  When I wrapped him in his frog towel and cradled him in my arms, I just started crying uncontrollably right along with him.  We sat on his bed and cried for about 5 minutes, both of us together, with me trying to put into hugs how sorry I was for losing my cool.  After he was lotioned up and all clean and calm, I asked him if he forgave me for hitting him.

His response?

"Mommy, I still love you.  I always love you."

Share. I said share. SHARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Tanner has mastered the art of manipulation.

Of course, he gets it honestly.

His sister is a master manipulator ... I taught it to her when Tanner was very small.  So I guess it's my fault.  But it just seemed easier to teach her that, if Tanner had something she wanted to play with, she should just provide a distraction ... something else for him to play with.  Then he would have something, she would have something, and they would both be happy.

Naturally, this has carried over to our every day life, 3 years later.  I still hear Kendall saying things like, "Tanner, I've got your lo-vey ..."  And I hear Tanner reply with, "Here, Sissy, want to trade?"

She's a sly little thing, hunh?

I know, it's a terrible thing to teach my kids.  But it worked when I was just trying to get by.

And now it's coming back to bite me in the butt.

Big time.

Because now Tanner has someone he can manipulate.  Unfortunately for Tanner, Brady is an only child and impossible to manipulate.  He knows what he wants, and he's not willing to give it up without a fight.  (Hmmm, sounds like another little boy I know.)  Anyhow, this has made for ridiculously crazy days at our house as of late.

I know, I hear what you're saying.  "Keisha, all you ever talk about anymore is Tanner and his grouchies."

But it's true.  Ask Tim.  He will vouch for me!  I tell you, it's like night and day.  When he's getting his way, he's an angel.  When someone else touches something that belongs to him, all bets are off and the demon comes out of its cage!

So I'm open to suggestions.  I don't know how to teach Tanner how to share.  And I've said it until I'm blue in the face (and hoarse in the throat).  But it doesn't matter.

Then today I actually heard myself saying, "Well Tanner, if you want the train then find something Brady would like.  Then ask him to trade."

Oh, Keisha, why have you done this to yourself?  Why is it so hard for me to just take it away from Tanner and listen to him cry?  He's going to have to learn to share eventually, right?

This parenting stuff is too hard.

I quit.

What Can You Get???

Since I started watching Brady and bringing in some cash to help with the family finances, I've become even more bargain savvy when I shop.  I try to keep my total grocery bill as close to $100 as possible.  I think this week is the first time I've amazed myself!

I was worried when I made my list this week because we are having a 10-year reunion with my Sigma's this weekend, and I knew I was going to be buying a Boston butt for Tim to smoke.  After checking the RSVP's, it appears there will be at least 18 people here.  I've been watching the sale ads for the last few weeks, waiting patiently for Boston butt to go on sale, and it hasn't happened.  So I was prepared to dish out a huge chunk of cash for the butt roast.  I'm also charged with paper products, since the event is at our home.

Anyhoodle, I had a strict list (OK, 3 lists) in hand when I left, along with 3 envelopes stuffed with coupons and a ready-to-be-helpful Tanner.  (No need to worry here -- I know many people say that they spend more when their kids are with them, but mine are trained!  Before we even exit the car, we recite the Morris family mantra -- "We only buy what's on the list.")  We hit Publix first, loaded our cart up, and then headed to the checkout.  After coupons, my total was $45.

What?!

And I mean the cart was loaded.  2 boxes of cereal.  3 boxes of Poptarts.  Baked Lays.  Yogurt cover raisins.  Tortilla chips.  CheezIts.  Graham crackers.  Bananas.  A cantaloupe.  Grapes.  By far, my best purchase was the 2 boxes of Fiber One bars (value size -- 10 bars each).  They were B1G1 free ($3.49 each), and I have 2 $.50 off coupons (which double), so I got 20 Fiber One bars for 5 bucks!!!  All in all, saved more than I spent.

Anyway, I'm showing my inner geek here.

Kroger was our next stop, where I don't actually "save" that much, but a lot of their stuff is usually cheaper in price (like canned goods and meat).  Again, a loaded cart, complete with a gallon of milk, 2 OJ's, 2 apple juices, ice cream, chicken breast, ground turkey, a 10 lb. Boston butt, spaghetti sauce, cheeses and butter.  $75.  Not horrible.

Last stop was CVS for Benefiber (with $3 ECB), B1G1 Arm and Hammer detergent, and 12-pack Scott paper towels for $5.  After ECB, total was $12.

So for a grand total of $124 and change, I stocked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Diligence is paying off, I suppose.

Here's a picture of what I got, minus the detergent, the paper towels, the butt roast, the juices, and the milk (they were already in the fridge.)

Favorite Photo Friday -- well, Sunday, I guess.

Inspired by a blog by my girlfriend Kelly, where she posted pics of her little one in her first pigtails.

Kendall Leigh - February 2007

My heart still oozes love for that sweet face!!  I'm am continuously awed by the greatness of God and that he picked me to be her Mommy.

3's a Crowd

I'm pretty sure that's what Tanner is feeling right now.

I mean, here he is, working so hard to get out of diapers and into big boy underwear ... always staying in his bed and sleeping through the night ... trying extra hard to share his toys (reluctantly) with Brady ...

And then Mommy goes and brings another kid into the mix.

Poor Tannerbug.

No wonder he is so mad at me right now.

He just told me, "I don't want to snuggie with you under the Snuggie. You're mean.  I want Daddy."

It makes me so sad that he feels this way.

But today has been super tough.  I'm helping out a girlfriend who is in a bind this week with childcare.  Her son, Jake (turned 2 in October), is staying with us for 3 days this week.  Not that much extra work -- except for the boy child who came from my womb!!

I swear, I don't remember having to teach Kendall how to share.  Of course, I guess it was a little different when she HAD TO share because the intruder was her little brother.  And she had 18-24 months to get used to him before she really had to share her stuff.

But, in Tanner's defense, I can understand why this is so impossible hard for him to do.

Here are these two boys, who he sees as babies, coming in and wanting to play with his stuff.  His big boy stuff.

And it seems that no matter what Tanner tries to play with, the other boys want it.  (If their defense, as well, he does the same thing to them.  Any time Jake goes for a toy, Tanner gets upset and tries to tell Jake he can't play with it.)  And this is so hard!

I decided after yesterday (which went really well, actually) that Tanner could pick the toys he didn't want anyone to play with, and we would put them in his closet until everyone went home.  But I explained that, if no one else could play with them, then neither could he.  He was fine with it.  So we put a few things up.

And I was excited this morning when Tanner said, "Mommy, I'm going to share my new spider with Jakie."

Unfortunately, Jake didn't want the new spider.  But Tanner was adamant about Jake playing with that spider -- and nothing else -- because that's what he chose for Jake.

Anyway, long story short, it's been a rough morning.

The 3 boys separately are angels.

Brady is small and squishy.  He usually goes along with whatever I want or need him to do.  Rarely is he mean or angry.  If he does do something that warrants a time out, he sits in his place quietly until his time is up.

Jake is also equally well-mannered.  He is always happy -- I've yet to see him frown, cry, or pitch a fit.  He's two and half, so that means he is busy -- curious.  And this is a new place for him, so every once in a while I'll look up and realize he's wandered out of the playroom and into the other bedroom, and he'll come walking out with the scooper for the cat box or something like that.  But he always puts it right back when I ask him to.  With a smile.

Tanner is fun to talk to, and he likes to tell stories now.  He plays quietly and contently with his trucks and trains, building cities and roads with bricks and mortar (yes, he used the word "mortar" this morning).  Every once in a while he sneaks up to give me a squeeze or a kiss, just so I know he still loves me.

So it seems this should be easy right?  These three sweethearts together should be no problem.

And they would be -- if I wasn't trying to stomp out the Mommy-guilt.

So one more day with 3 boys.  Perhaps a preview for next year when I am still unemployed by the school system?

Only the Lonely

I hate it when my mom goes out of town.

Completely selfish, I know.  I mean, I want my mom to do things, and have a life of her own, but when I get left "alone," it makes me sad.

And some things about my mom just make me sad altogether.

Hold on!!  Don't get me wrong ... that came out completely wrong, but I'm not sure how to say it the right way (I've got two glasses of red in me right now and I can't think ...)

OK, Keisha, focus.

Background ...

Everyone knows my dad died -- wow -- almost 5 years ago.  And my mom has been alone since then.  Sometimes I think she's perfectly content living her life over there, with no one to answer to or cater to.  But then something will happen that  makes me step back, take a look, and realize that she really isn't as happy as I'd like her to be.

For example, she has started "dating."  Now I am most certainly not the person for her to talk to about dating and such, seeing as how I've never really "dated" anyone.  But about 6 months ago or so, she put it out there.  She has been on a few dates ... and she has made friends with most of the men she has been out with.  (Which, BTW, makes me think she isn't really ready to date yet -- to find someone new, I mean.)  This last guy, whom she went out with 5 times, I think she was getting really excited about.  And then he proved to be a dud as well.

So poo.

I hate it.  Because I don't want her to be alone.  And I don't want her to be depressed.  Or upset.  I mean, who wants that for their mom?

But then again, I'm also really selfish.  And I think I've really taken advantage of my mom because of my selfishness.  She lives next door (yes, it's awesome!), and any time I need her to watch the kids, she will do it if she's not already made plans.  It has made it easy for Tim and me to go out to dinner and go shopping when we'd rather not cart two kids around the mall.  My Monday grocery shopping trips are usually made much easier (they have become my "alone time") because she will watch Tanner and Brady for an hour so I can run and get what I need.  And when Tim has to work or has other boy-things to do, I always have my mom to keep me company.

Except this weekend.

Cause she went to Josh's house in Colorado.

But that's beside the point.

I want her to feel like she can do these things.  Like she can go away and not feel guilty and have a good time.

But then I still want her all to myself.

But she deserves to be happy.  And find someone else, if that's what she wants.

And yes, I'm really 100% OK with her meeting another man.  I know that, if she finds someone else, he will never compare to my dad.  And even she has said that she doesn't want to find a replacement, but I still know, in my heart, that she doesn't want to be by herself for the rest of her life.

And she shouldn't be.

She is beautiful.  And caring.  And thoughtful.  And smart.  And patient.  And wonderful.

And any man would be lucky to have her.

And I'm lucky to have her, too.

I am one of those lucky young women who can honestly say that my mom is my best friend.  I talk to her at least 4 times a day (hence, the irritation at her going out of town).  She knows my deepest, darkest thoughts.  She knows what makes me tick ad what makes me giggle.  And she has known me forever, literally.

So, as selfish as I am, I really hope he finds someone.  Or that someone finds her.

Though I do kinda like having her all to myself!! ;0)

Favorite Photo Friday

I have sneak this one in before we head outside to play.

Kendall Leigh -- August 2006

This is Kendall at 26 months and some odd days.  She was just becoming accustomed to sharing her Mommy with this little alien who had moved into the bedroom next door.  She was so curious and sweet, so helpful and loving.  Though still shy, she would warm up to the camera after a few shots.

Kendall Leigh -- April 2010

And this is Kendall at 5 years and 10 months.  Little Miss Photogenic is hardly shy now!  I keep meaning to write all these blogs about parenting and how much the kids have changed, but then time gets away from me ... or I get busy doing something else ... looking at these two pictures just reminds me, again, that time flies.  I can't believe how much she has changed in some ways.  Not only are her limbs longer and leaner (no more baby fat on those wrists and ankles), but her brain and heart have quadrupled in size, as well.  She is smarter than I ever imagined she would be ... but in some ways she hasn't changed a bit.  She is still caring and sweet, quick to be a helper, and sensitive to others.  

So there are my favorite photos for this Friday.  Hopefully, I'll have some time to get the rest of the blogs on "paper" this weekend.

BTW, if you look closely, the brown eyes are still the same --- and I think I can still see my baby in there somewhere. :0)

I think we may need a break from Spring Break!

"Experts say that kids should be physically active for at least 60 minutes a day."

I received this on an email from Weight Watchers today.  And I have to admit, after this Spring Break, my kids should be stocked up for the year!  What an awesome Spring Break we have had here.  We decided on a stay-cation (of course, it wasn't much of a choice since we are being cheap frugal these days, and since I've been watching Big B, I need to be around.

But someone upstairs must LOVE me because we have been blessed with the most beautiful, most perfect weather any SAHM could possibly ask for this entire week.  After the cursed cold and rainy fall/winter, I couldn't be happier to see some sunshine.  So this is how our week has gone.

Saturday - Tim took Tanner to the dirt bike track to watch some buddies' kids ride and do fun trick sand stuff.  Complete boy day, for sure.  So Kendall and I decided to have a girl day, complete with an outdoor photo session in her ballet costume.  We painted toenails and fingernails and shopped with Nana and Aunt Karen.  It was a superb day.

Sunday - A blur.  Easter was sensational.  Perfect weather, perfect angels in perfect clothes, perfect dinner with our wonderful family.  Fun, fun, fun.

Monday - Play, play, play.  Brady was here, so all 3 kids had a fun day just playing outside and running around.  Of course, by this point there was a thin blanket of pollen beginning to cover everything, so I knew it was just a matter of time before someone reacted to it.  My kids have been doped up on Zyrtec for weeks now anticipating the yellow crud.  Unfortunately, Brady was the first to fall victim to the pollen.

Tuesday - Big B stayed home with his yucky nose and cough, K and T and I headed out on a walk to the neighborhood playground and wore each other out.  When we got home, they headed outside to play pretty much all afternoon.  We even had out lunch outside on the deck!  It was pretty darn hot on Tuesday, but I still managed to keep them outside long enough for me to catch some sun on the deck. :)

Wednesday - Repeat of Tuesday.

Thursday - We were lucky to get some rain to wash away the yellow-ness.  I've never been so thankful to see rain clouds when I woke up!  This being Nana's 60th birthday, we had a bit of shopping to do.  We started out morning at the World's Most Wonderful Dentists (Cherokee Children's Dentistry) where I learned that my big girl should be losing a tooth soon, and she should be gaining some new molars (thought we were done with the teething thing for a while).  I'm supposed to be forcing encouraging Tanner to kick the thumb habit before his 4th birthday, but honestly I'm just too tired after the whole potty-training fiasco to take anything else away from him right now.  No cavities, stickers, and gummy hands in tow, we headed to pick up steaks and cake mix for the surprise birthday dinner we were preparing for Nana.  (Side note -- Tanner asked, "How old is Nana?"  I replied, "60."  "Is she gonna die?"  WHAT IS IT WITH THE OBSESSION WITH DEATH???)  Brady made it over for a few hours to play, but he mostly slept, due to his sickness and lack of sleep the 3 nights before.  Hopefully, his mommy got a much needed break.  He was awesome for me, and Kendall got some Big B time.  Then we had dinner, where Kendall read Nana's birthday card to her, which brought a tear to Mom's eye.  Awesome night!

Today - Another playground day, for sure.  It was a tad bit nippy this morning, so the kids played tunnels and trains while I attempted to complete Week 2, Day 3 of my P90X workout.  Then we packed our lunch and headed to this little playground where there are never any people.  Tracy and I like to call it the secret playground -- our little club.  We don't want to tell anyone about it because we're afraid people will start coming and then it will be crowded like all the other playgrounds around here.  We were the only ones there today, which was awesome once it warmed up.  There still wasn't much pollen after the rain, so we were able to play for 4 hours without any complaints.

I hate to be that mom who wears her kids out -- giving them too much to do.  But I wanted to take advantage of this gorgeous weather while we have it.  Usually, we jump from winter to summer with only a few weeks of semi-hot weather in between.  And I know those 90+ days are coming soon, so we have to get out and play while we can!

And that's what we've done.  So if WW says that all kids need is 60 minutes a day of activity, we are doing very well!!

Favorite Photo Friday

Tanner -- April 2008

This picture is one of my favorites for so many reasons.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  Tanner sat down on that little potty, and when he stood up and I saw he had made a "deposit," I was ecstatic. 

I remember thinking, naively, "This is going to be so easy!!  If he's already using the potty now, he's surely going to be trained before he's 3!  These other people have no idea what they are talking about!"

Oh, me, oh, my.  

And now, here we are, April 2010, and we are finally POTTY-TRAINED!!!!!!!!!!!

While T may have some little "skids" every now and then, he's doing amazingly well.  I only put him in underwear about 2 weeks ago, and he has happily kicked the habit of Pullups.

I did exactly what all my smart Mommy friends suggested and just ditched the Pullups, hesitantly putting Tanner in underwear all the time.  Of course, it took me about 3 days to realize that I was going to have to put him in underwear at night as well (which meant literally throwing the Pullups in the trash -- how liberating!), but once we did that, it was fairly smooth sailing.  A little bribery here ... a few tears there ... but we are officially out of diapers.  

And I couldn't be more proud than I am of Tanner.  He's officially a big boy now, and he's quick to point that out.  He's still Mommy's Baby - but only for Mommy and in the privacy his own bedroom. :0)

And this Mommy now has one aisle at the grocery store that can be avoided forever more!  The baby aisle!

Favorite Photo Friday

As previously seen on another fellow blogger's page, I will be posting some of my favorite photos from time to time.  It's hard to believe how quickly time passes ...



OK, technically it's two pictures.  Both were taken in April of 2008 by my incredibly talented cousin Karen of Picturelily Photography.

Equally amazing are the fact that she can get pictures like this of the two kids I could never make smile AND the fact that this was two years ago.

Just look at how much they have changed.

The babies have grown so much, and are no longer babies at all.  From K tying her own shoes to T using the potty by himself, my kiddos have matured more than I realized!