Routine Maintenance -- for the girls only!

**I am prefacing this post with a disclaimer -- IF YOU ARE A MAN/BOY/FATHER/HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND or otherwise STRAIGHT MALE OF ANY KIND, you probably don't want to continue reading this.**

I did a "check in" at Three-13 this morning for routine maintenance.  OK, actually, nothing about this visit was routine.  Though I must say now, after the fact, it probably should be.  Anyway, I decided a few weeks ago that I was going to have a bikini wax before our beach trip.  The idea of shaving down there always takes me to an unhappy place, and the aftermath is fairly painful.  So I decided I was going to take care of this before out trip so I wouldn't have to worry about aforementioned "aftermath" while we were at the beach or walking around Disney World.  (Yeah, ouch.  If you need more explanation, email me.)

Actually, let's take it back a few months -- I had intentions of getting this done at the beginning of summer.  Think of all the pain I could have saved myself had I had it done then?  But the kids are impatient, our first pool day was upon us, and, well, let's just say I didn't have time to make it to the salon.

So last night I was terribly nervous about this bikini wax thing.  I've never had it done before (Yes, I'm 32 and I've never had a bikini wax.), and several people had told me how painful it can be.  So I was somewhat prepared for the pain.  I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, so I really didn't think it would be that bad.  I mean this tough girl made it to 8 cm with no epidural, right?  So I walk into Three-13 trying to look as if this SAHM belongs there.  The super cute girl, Kat, takes me back to the "Quiet Room," and tells me to disrobe from the waist down and put those on.

What are those, you ask?

Well you may not ask since most of you have probably endured this before.

Those are disposable panties.  Awesome.  While a tad bit uncomfortable, I must say they are more attractive than the disposable ones I had to wear after giving birth in the hospital.

So then Kat comes back in and just starts talking to me like we're old friends.  (It's a distraction technique, I'm sure.)  As she's asking me how long I've been married and how many kids I have, she proceeded to take me to that terrible place from which I thought I'd never return!!

Holy crap!!

Seriously??  People do this on a regular basis?  And don't tell me that you get used to it ... there's no way.

OK, I'll be honest.  With my high tolerance for pain, only about 10 percent of it really hurt.  And I mean HURT.  Like, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being labor pains, those few seconds were like 8.5.  (Which, on a side note, has made me reconsider the pain I've been in with my stomach for the last few weeks!)  Of course, as Kat ripped the life out of me, I tried to act like it was nothing and I had done this so many times before.  She then asked if I wanted a full Brazilian (Again, if you need an explanation, email me.), at which point I squeaked, "Please don't take anymore."

Stop laughing at me.  It's not nice.

Now that it's done, I'm glad I did it.  And I'm sure I will be much happier with the outcome of this versus the outcome of shaving while I'm at the beach amidst the sand and sunscreen or while I'm sweating and walking around Disney.  Those two are just razor burn waiting to happen.

So there you have it.  For those of you who commented on my "check in" with "Lucky girl," and "You deserve it," I hope you retract your statements now!  LOL  It certainly wasn't fun.

Of course, now I do feel a bit liberated ... maybe this will be a routine thing ... ;0)

The 10 Commandments of Facebook

While sitting in carpool last week, I couldn't help but laugh when they were talking about this on the Bert Show. Tanner kept asking, "Mommy, what's so funny?" But I couldn't tell him that I was laughing because I'm sooo guilty of a few of these.

So here is the list. The 10 Commandments of Facebook. If you "facebook," (yes, it's a verb), make sure you follow the rules.  Do as I say, not as I do. ;0)


1. Thou shall not post or tag friends in incriminating or embarrassing photos.
A few people I know are guilty of this.  (OK, so I got a phone call from a highly irritated sorority sister a while back, letting me have it for putting her drunk glory days on Facebook ...)  Apparently, some people who Facebook have people as "friends" who are not really friends -- they are more co-workers, bosses, or students.  And said people would prefer not to have their panties showing to those "friends" in those drunk pictures.  Or whatever.  If you have a question about the tag, don't do it.

2. Thou shall not post photo or video updates of thy children’s potty training.
I find this hard to believe, but everyone doesn't want to know about my child's bowel movements. Whatever. But you have to admit, the diaper cream and baby powder pictures were pretty good.

3. Thou shall not use Facebook to converse with thine own significant other.
This one drives me NUTS.  I simply cannot stand it when people talk to their bf's and gf's (and especially their spouses) via Wall or Status Update.  Seriously, we know your life is awesome.  You don't need to prove it.  There is a way to set your account so that alllllllll of your friends cannot see what you write on others' walls.  Fix it so we can't see your business, please.

4. Thou shall not endlessly self-promote.
Never did this one.  I swear.  Ok, maybe a few months back when we were drinking MonaVie ... maybe then ... but here's a clue.  If you are doing this, you are making people want to hide your posts.  Or de-friend you. Like I said, I am guilty of this as well.

5. Thou shall not propose, ask someone out, or dump anyone via wall messages or status updates.
I have not done this, nor can I imagine doing this.  If you do this, you are a very sad person.  (But I have checked other people's statuses and relationship statuses to see what's up with them!)

6. Thou shall not IM anyone you haven’t spoken to in over a decade.
This one is just weird.  For a while, I accepted every friend request that came my way if they went to HS with me, looked even remotely familiar, or claimed to know my brother.  But then, when some of said "friends" began hitting me up on IM and wanting to know how I was and how my mom is and how my brother is and how my husband is, I got a little freaked out.  If I don't talk to you on the phone or see you at least once a year or on holidays, you probably shouldn't IM me.

7. Thou shall not stalk exes and/or ex’s new loves.
We shouldn't do it, but we do.  Enough said.

8. Thou shall not use Facebook as a diet and workout diary.
I had to snicker at this one.  I am 100% guilty of this one.  And Bert said that it is bragging, but I disagree.  I more so posted things like that to get feedback from others.  I wanted to know how others were doing with the same workout.  Or I wanted to share something that I thought was amazing.  Anyway, I'm not sure I agree with this one.

9. Thou shall not “spoil” TV shows in one’s status update.
Shame on you if you do this.  There is nothing worse than finding out how Grey's ends or who won the Bachelor through status update.  We live in the age of TIVO and DVR's; hardly anyone actually watches a show at it's scheduled time anymore.  So stop spoiling.

10. Thou shall post clear, updated photos of thyself.
Funny one.  But I also want to add to this one -- post some old school stuff too.  Nothing is worse than getting a friend request from someone and having no idea who it is.  When you find out he went to school with you, but you still don't recognize him.  A HS pic would be helpful every once in a while!

**  This list is not an original from my brain.  I stole it from Wendy Atterbery's article on The Frisky.

Favorite Photo Friday

Tanner Michael

August 2010

I love this kid more than a fat kid loves cake.

Seriously, what's not to love?

So here's one of my favorites for this Friday.  His entire photo session had me cracking up -- Shout Out! to the portrait studio at Target in Woodstock and Kate.  She rocked our socks off.

So what's been going on lately?

I notice it's been quite a while since I blogged.  Which is a disgrace considering I've had zero children in my house this week during school hours.  Big B took a beach trip with his parents, and mine were at school, so I've had loads of free time.

Right.

We're headed on our own beach trip week after next (Thank GOD!) for a much needed family vaca.  We're headed to sunny Cocoa Beach to our "summer home."  Kendall's words, not mine.  If she only knew how "richy" that makes us sound.  I hope she doesn't say that at school.

Anyhoodle, my days have been filled with preparing for our trip.  I've never been one to plan this far in advance ... well, not for beach trips.  But Tim and I decided that we are not going to go on a crazy first night grocery trip when we get there -- we're only going to buy what we absolutely have to.  So I've been buying groceries for out trip as things go on sale, planning our menu in advance, and making sure we can be as economical as possible.  (And I must mention that is especially awesome that I can just go to my basement and pull what we need from the shelves in the bomb shelter!)  Now it's just a matter of getting all the food into bins and then getting our clothes packed.  That's the easy part!  I cannot wait to get there.  We haven't been to the beach with the kids since they outgrew their naps, so this year is going to be more fun than last time.  And we have planned a day trip to the Magic Kingdom, which I'm fairly sure Tim, Nana, and I are more excited about than the kids.  I'm sure I'll have tons to talk about when we return from our trip!

What else ...Tim's been working.  A lot.  Which is a blessing and a curse.  Work = money.  But lots of work = tired Daddy.  Luckily, we got to have him home with us all Labor Day weekend, and it was great.  We actually spent one entire day doing absolutely nothing .  What a gift.

Kendall is as sassy as ever.  She is doing well in school -- I was so relieved when she finally brought home a good grade on her dictation sentences today!  I was getting a little worried, being the language arts teacher and all.  She's starting to get into the swing of things, and we've got a pretty good schedule going now with school, homework, and play.  I'm really excited that she's finally made friends with our new neighbors, which gives her an outlet for some of her energy.

Tanner is a preschooler.  No, really, I don't mean he has an attitude or anything.  He has just recently begun counting everything.  EVERYTHING.  And I've also caught him "reading" his library books in his bedroom (which he never used to do before) and sharing -- I know, GASP! -- sharing with others.  Apparently school is working wonders for him.  He likes to tell me about his day, unlike his sister at his age.  He tells me about his friends at school (*grin* He has his own friends now ...) and about how the girls are not his friends because they are girls.  He also has made friends with our neighbors, and he and Gabby have taken a special liking to each other.  They are both 4 and cute and chubby ... I love it.

I'm still hanging in here.  I've been battling some sort of stomach/back thing for a few weeks.  And I'm finally going to head to the doctor tomorrow just to make sure it isn't anything with my kidneys before we head out to Florida.  Whatever it is (which is probably just gas ... how embarrassing ...), it won't allow me to suck in my belly, and that certainly won't work in a bikini, so I gotta get it checked out.  I finally got paid for the crazy freelancer job I did about a month ago, but I haven't had any other jobs since.  I've been using my free Wednesdays to help out in Kendall's classroom and read to Tanner's class (which is so much fun).  I love being a mommy right now, and I'm trying really hard to do it without screaming and yelling too much.

Life is good.

Just call me Burger King

OK, I'm not really sure where the blog title came from.

But all I can think is how, at Burger King, the most beautiful things are wrapped in paper and plastic.

So just call my house "Burger King."

Because one of the most beautiful things in my home, my guest bed, is officially without sheets, pillows, and a comforter, and is instead wrapped in plastic.

A tarp.

This is what we've resorted to.

Damn cat.

I've never in my life seen a living being so persnickety.

Apparently, this time, Sugar decided that her hair is too long.  Or maybe her claws are too sharp.  Or maybe she is missing her daily injections of Prozac.

Whatever.

Or maybe she is, again, trying to tell me that she'd rather go live somewhere else ... anywhere else ... perhaps in a cardboard box in the alley ... or on the front doorstep of the vet's office ...

So I've spent my morning un-tarping the guest bed, removing all of the dressings (because she peed on the tarp and it seeped through to the comforter and all the way through to the mattress cover ...), spraying the mattress down with "No Return" -- which, by the way, obviously doesn't keep them from "returning" -- and putting a new mattress cover on before reapplying the tarp.  I think we probably need a new tarp.  This one is a few years old and has been blemished by the the pee from the cat from Hell.

Damn cat.

And I suppose I will just fold the comforter and sheets and place them in the upstairs closet after they smell appropriate again.

Why give her another reason to pee?  Clean comforters are like a magnet to this cat ...

Damn cat.

Favorite Photo Friday

Tanner's 4th Birthday

August 2010

I realized last night that I haven't shared any details about Tanner's 4th birthday party.  Shame on me.  I am appalled with myself because this was, by far, one of the best birthday parties I've ever thrown together.  It was tough to beat the Thomas party last year, but this one was pretty awesome.

And I owe it all to the Cherokee County Fire Dept. of Station 24.

Shout out to Station 24!!

Yes, the party still would've been a birthday party -- we still would have had cake, presents, a pinata, and even a homemade pin the hat on the fire dog game -- but the party wouldn't have been one for the record books without those firefighters.

I wish I knew their names.

So we had a driveway full of 2 to 8 year olds, eagerly waiting on the pumper truck I had requested for the event.  Since Tanner was a baby, he's been surrounded by fire trucks, quite literally.  His room is decorated with trucks ... he's loaded up with fire stations and all sorts of rescue vehicles.  So when I came across the idea in a Parent magazine, I jumped on it.  All I had to do was call the fire department (not 911) and tell them I wanted a truck for a birthday party.  They ask how many children and ages and that's that.  The firefighters bring hats and "badges" for all the kids, so there are built-in goodies.  I had a few games planned for the party, but I didn't need them at all.  The firefighters showed up at 11 with 2 trucks, a pumper and a ladder truck.  We took over the entire culdesac.  Then the firefighters gave a little safety talk and let the kids sit in both trucks.  They put up the ladder on the truck so the kids could see how high it rises.  Then one of the firefighters climbed all the way up (CRAZY HIGH) and told us what he could see.  After the climb, they hooked up a hose to the pumper and let each of the kids take a turn spraying water.  It was truly the best!  Those guys stayed here for about 50 minutes, though it was 100 degrees outside.  And the kids were hanging in there too, though it was super hot outside.  Because they stayed for so long, I didn't have to worry about any games at all.  After the trucks left, we had some hot dogs, chips, and cake, and then took a few smacks at a very stubborn pinata and everyone headed home.

Excellent birthday party.

One for the record books.

And the best part -- it was super cheap!  OK, the best part was seeing Tanner's face when that truck came around the curve, but the cheap part was the second best!

Do You Mind??

One of the toughest things about being a SAHM actually has nothing to do with being a mom.  It has more to do with how others perceive me as a mom.  I know most people know that this SAHM-thing isn't easy peasy.  But I think sometimes people forget what my day actually consists of.  When Tim asks me what we did all day, I usually can't pinpoint more than two or three things ... "Oh, you know, I did two loads of laundry and washed the kids' tub and toilet."  And yes, that literally took me all of 10 minutes to accomplish.  But I did do more than that all day.  I just feel silly having to list it all for you!

Anyway, this is not about Tim.  Tim knows how hard I "work" and what I go through on a daily basis.  I am actually super annoyed today because of something that happened this morning.

It was decided the first week of school that Wednesdays -- my only kid-free mornings -- would be devoted to volunteering at Kendall's school.  I offered to help her teacher with copies and laminating and anything else she may need for the week.  I sign in at 9:30 and stay for about an hour or so.  I decided last week that I would just do whatever I could until lunch time and eat with k, since I've never been able to do that with just her.  So this morning as she dressed herself, we discussed how Mommy would be there to make copies and how I would stay for lunch.  (Tanner was pouting the entire time because he wanted to eat with Sissy ...)

So I dropped K off at 7:30, returned home to get my shower and get dressed, ironed my shirt to look presentable, dressed Tanner and got his lunch ready, drove Tanner to school, rushed back home to straighten my hair, grabbed a granola bar to eat for "lunch," and then headed to the school.  At 9:30 I passed K walking to her art class with her big smile on her face.  Then I noticed she had a substitute.

Great.

Needless to say, the sub had no idea what I was there for, nor did she have anything that needed to be copied or laminated.  The student teacher knew nothing, though she was able to call K's teacher and find out what needed to be copied.  She wanted me to come back tomorrow.  Hmmm.  No.

See, this is where I get annoyed.  Why is my time less valuable because I stay home all day?  If I wasn't going to be able to make it, I would send in a note the day before to let her know ...

Anyway, annoyed.  That's me.  Annoyed me with valuable time.