Pregnant Brain Strikes Again

No, I'm not pregnant. Settle down. But I am convinced that my brain has yet to return to its natural size. When I was pregnant with both of my kids I swear I lost brain cells. (Apparently, it's been proven that some of your grey matter goes to the baby in the form of fat, so you really do get dumber.) Anyway, several weeks ago I blogged about losing my mind? Well, this morning confirmed all of my previous assumptions -- my grey matter never grew back.

First, I set my alarm last night to make sure we were up earlier this morning. We've been rushing around in the mornings trying to get Kendall ready for school, and Tanner and I had a fun playdate planned at Meg's house. So I set the alarm for 7:45. At 8:05, I looked at the clock, trying to figure out why it hadn't gone off. Well, it was going off, but the volume was turned down. So ... we got Kendall dressed in her Halloween shirt with ghosts on it (so cute), grabbed juice boxes and granola bars and headed to the car.

We arrived at Kendall's school and I immediately noticed there were children getting out of the cars in their costumes. Strange ... the parade and party (that I'm in charge of) isn't until tomorrow. The teacher gets Kendall out of the car and I ask, "The parade is tomorrow, right?"

Nope. It's today. And not only today but in 2 1/2 hours.

So poor Kendall has to go to class in her regular clothes while all the other kids have on costumes. And I have food to cook, a shower to take, and two bodies to dress. And somewhere in there I have to call Heather and tell her that we won't be making it to her house, which is a bummer in itself.

So Tanner and I rush home, I bribe him with a Tootsie Pop (yes, at 9 AM) in order to get the food started. Rice Krispie treats have to be first because they have to cool in the fridge. Then I had to make the trick-or-treat pizzas, which I had not tried before, so I actually had no idea if they would really turn out or not. I had to gather up all the pieces of Kendall's costume and throw them in a bag. I called Heather while melting marshmallows to apologize for missing Meg's costume party. Oops, I forgot to feed the dog, so I had to do that too.

But do not fear. Somehow, Tanner and I made it out the door, showered and dressed, with BINGO games, art supplies for spiders and webs, goody boxes, pizzas, and pumpkin-shaped Rice Krispie treats by 11:05. I still can't believe we pulled it off!! We rushed to the school to get Kendall dressed as Snow White, and then everything finally slowed down.

Craziness aside, the party was a success and Kendall looked gorgeous as Snow White. Her classmates seemed to enjoy their food, and their art projects turned out super cute!

Now I have to attempt to clean up.

Because the house is a disaster. I didn't clean as I went this morning ... and Tanner made a huge mess while I was cooking ... but right now I'm tying to catch my breath ... then I'll clean. And eat a Rice Krispie treat. :)

The Lesser of Two Evils

**WARNING: THIS IS A SLEEP UPDATE. YES, YOU WILL HAVE TO "LISTEN" TO ME WHINE FOR A FEW PARAGRAPHS. AND YOU MUST FEEL SORRY FOR ME AT THE END!**

So here's where we are now. Still tired. Still taking it one night at a time. But I'm still using the Ferber method, too. We have yet to have a solid night of sleep since we started over 2 weeks ago. But Kendall does put herself to sleep. Unfortunately, she still wakes up several times in the night. She does one of two things when she wakes up, and neither of them are going back to sleep on her own. When she wakes up, she either A) calls for me to come to her room, or B) comes to get me out of my bed to put her back in hers.

Yeah, I know, it really doesn't seem much better than it was before. But I do sleep in my bed ... not in hers. She does spend 90% of the night in her bed. And most nights she goes back to sleep the first time I shut her door.

We are up to closing the door the first time at 4 minutes. I've been sorta wishy-washy with the closing of the door. Usually, the first time she gets up it's to go to the bathroom. So I help her go and then she gets back in bed. I don't like to close her door then because I don't want her to feel like she shouldn't get up to go to the bathroom. The last thing I need is a 4-year-old who doesn't sleep in her bed by herself and wets the bed. So, most of the time she goes right back to sleep after her bathroom break. Then, many nights she wakes again, about 3 hours later.

So I'm still awake every 3-4 hours of the night. Am I really getting better sleep? Not really. Is Kendall sleeping better? Not so much. So why don't I just go back to the old way of doing things? And crawl in bed with her the first time and get 7+ hours of sleep? I suppose I'm choosing the lesser of two evils. I truly don't want my daughter to be needing someone to put her back to sleep when she is in college. Her roommate may not appreciate it. I can give up a few weeks of sleep if it means she will learn to do this on her own.

While it does not seem like this is working, I have to keep telling myself that she has made a huge leap -- she goes to sleep by herself. Every time. Tim doesn't have to sit in the room with her. I don't have to hold her hand or rub her back. So I guess that's progress.

Of course, tonight she asked me what I would do if she got out of bed. (She asks this every night, I guess hoping I will say something different.) I told her that I would shut her door if she got out of her bed, just like last night. Her response?

"Will you shut the door and go away? Or will you shut the door and stay like you did last night and open my door when the time is up?"

So I guess she's figured it out. Wonder what Dr. Ferber would say about that.

Costume Party, Fall-Festival Style

One of Kendall's bestest friends decided she was going to have a costume party to celebrate Halloween. Well, I'm assuming her mom actually decided this since it is her favorite holiday. I was excited simply because Kendall and Tanner would have the opportunity to get some good wear out of their Halloween costumes. So on Thursday after Tanner's nap, we dressed in layers with costumes on top ... and coats ... because it was freezing ... and we headed out to Hailey's house.

I expected to see a few little kids running around in costumes; but the sight was amazing! Carnival games all over the front lawn. Bouncers. Bobbing for apples. Duck pond. Goodies and goody bags. Cupcakes. Candy corn ... you're smiling because you understand my obsession now. ;) And every costume you can imagine.

Naturally there were the princesses -- Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Tinkerbell, Aurora, and Snow White. There were super heroes -- Batman, Superman, Mr. Incredible. And the TV and Movie characters -- Hannah Montana, the High School Musical crew (I don't know all their names), and even 2 little Indiana Jones-es, fully equipped with whips and hats.

There were more kids than I expected -- and it certainly caught my two off guard. Kendall and Tanner stuck to me like glue the entire time we were there, which wasn't too long. We played a few games -- tossed the beanbags, caught some ducks in the duck pond. We tried to play in the back yard, but there were a lot of bigger kids running around. Kendall did get one chance on the swings to show off her new pumping skills. And Tanner got a chance to climb up the ladder on the swingset and slide a few times. All in all, it was a good time, but I never would have taken on that task by myself like Melissa did! Of course, she appeared to be taking it all in stride. I never saw her running ragged ... like I do at every party I'm in charge of. She just sorta goes with the flow -- she must have better pills than I do! ;)

Anyhow, the best parts of the party ...

5) There was a little boy who was stalking the cupcake table. He would pick one up, bite it, and put it back. Then he'd pick up another one and continue the same process until he had gone through about 10 cupcakes. I should have stopped him, but it was so darn funny to watch!!

4) There was a little girl who was obsessed with Kendall. When we arrived, she ran up and threw her arms around Kendall, screaming, "No Why!!!!!" (Translation: Snow White) She followed Kendall around the entire time ... her mom said that they had just gotten back from Disney and she loved Snow White. It was precious to see the adoration in this little girl's eyes!

3) I was certainly proud of Kendall pumping those little legs on the swings ... Hailey kept asking me if I would push her on the swings. She said, "Ms. Keisha, you can push me and Kendall at the same time." Kendall told her, "No, Hailey, I can do it myself!"

2) There was another little Batman at he party. He was nowhere near as cute as my little Batman, but still precious. Tanner would run up to him every time he saw him and "punch" him in the stomach. His costume had those little muscles in it, and Tanner got the biggest kick out of hitting that little boy in his "muscles." Very amusing.

1) The best thing about the party? What made me the most proud? When all the other kids were pitching a fit and crying because they wanted more cupcakes or more punch or more candy, guess what my kids were doing???? Drinking water and eating apples. I wish I could say that this is because of my good child-rearing ways, but I think they just wanted to get out of the little bitty room where the screaming kids and sugar were. But to the other parents, my kids looked like such angels!!

If only they knew the truth ...

Candy corn, candy corn, how I love candy corn ...

It's not the little chocolate bars in the Trick or Treat bag that do me in. It's not the pumpkin spice lattes or the gingerbread cake. I love this time of year, especially the foods. But what is the absolute best food? Why is autumn so wonderful??

It's the candy corn. Especially the "autumn mix" candy corn with the little pumpkins. Mmmmm. Yes, I'm an addict. We keep some in a little pumpkin in the kitchen, and I cannot walk by without reaching for a bite. The kids are the same way, and so is Tim. Needless to say, we have gone through about 4 bags of autumn mix candy corn since the beginning of October!

You're thinking, "Keisha, you are a dork. Why are you blogging about candy corn?" Well, as most of you know, I'm a Weight Watchers fiend. And in my quest to find tasty foods that are low in points, I have discovered that candy corn is 150 calories and 0 grams of fat per serving. "Wow," you say. "That's, like, 2 points. Not really worth it for a few pieces of candy corn." But, NOOOOOOOO! It's not just 2 points for a few pieces. It's 2 points for 23 pieces of candy corn!!!!!

Holy crap! So eat up, girls and boys!! And stock up while you can find the good stuff everywhere!!! It's sure to cure your sweet tooth when you have a that little craving for something sweet. :)

Learning to Pump

It seems that the milestones just keep flying by, now that Kendall is getting older. I remember sitting around when she was a baby, waiting patiently for her to do anything. The baby lump stage was so boring ... just watching her lie there and sleep. Then she got older and learned how to stay awake for longer periods of time. That was when I had to learn how to entertain her. Then she started smiling and giggling and playing. Then crawling, talking, and walking. Then coloring and painting. All of this in a span of 2 years that felt like it was creeping at the time, but now, looking back, flew!!

So now, here we are at 4 years old. Almost 4 1/2, she keeps reminding me. What can she do now that's different from then? Kendall can say, identify, and tell you the sounds for all of the alphabet letters. She can count to 50. She can count to 20, say hello, goodbye, and thank you in Spanish. She can color inside the lines. She can cut with a knife and scissors. She can ride a bike with training wheels and do somersaults. She knows first position in ballet. She can dress herself and brush her own hair. And yesterday, after months of trying, she finally mastered swinging by herself.

I know. Some of you are thinking, "Well, that's something, but hardly a milestone." I beg to differ. And any parent who has encountered countless hours at the playground pushing a swing will agree with me. In the summer, Tim built this glorious playset in our back yard. I was so excited about it. I envisioned warm summer days playing with the kids and cool, breezy afternoons swinging away while Daddy grilled on the back porch. In all of my daydreams, I never saw myself having to push BOTH kids on the swings. How have my arms gotten so tone? That's the secret. Pushing 2 kids, simultaneously, on the swingset. But yesterday, after watching as our neighborhood girls hoisted themselves up on the swings and pumped their legs, Kendall figured it out.

And she was so proud of herself! Pumping those legs, rising higher and higher into the air!! And now we can have those moments I've been waiting for. Kendall can swing by herself with me watching from the porch, reading a magazine and drinking a beer. I no longer have to go with her every time she wants to play ... and she and the neighborhood girls can have "girl time" without my encroaching presence.

So what's next? I see many things in our future ... but with all of her achievements, I know Kendall is moving further away from being my baby girl. I try to hold on as much as I can to what she used to be ... but I also want her to grow up and be independent and strong. It's so hard to watch her grow and not need me anymore. But for the time being, I know I have to let her feel her way along, learning from her friends and her family. She can't learn it all from me because, Lord knows I don't' know it all!

Sponge Bath Betty

I found it -- the costume I've been searching for! I've searched far and wide to find the perfect compliment to Tim's "gynecologist" costume (yeah, he had to think really hard for that one). I found several sexy nurse costumes, but none were in the size I needed. Until today. Mom and I took Tanner to Halloween USA and I spotted the one. So for Halloween I will not be a nurse ... I will be a candy stripper, I mean striper (he he) ... just call me Sponge Bath Betty.

Disclaimer: This obviously is not what the costume will look like on me. But it is a picture to give you an idea.

Night Four Brings New Issues

* This is just a warning -- if you are tired of reading my blogs about sleep issues and how I don't know how to deal with them, just don't read for a few days. It's all I have to talk about right now!

So last night was different. Kendall fell asleep by herself, which is a huge breakthrough. Of course, I tried putting Tanner to bed, but he wanted to rock rock, over and over. SO I just laid him down screaming and Tim came in to put him to bed. I'm thinking Tim should just put him to bed ... we'll see. So by 8:05 the kids were asleep! Hooray!

Kendall woke up at 11:30 calling for me from her room. She did not get out of her bed. When I went in, she needed to go potty, and then after proceeded to call me back in for about 45 mins. I finally told her that if she called me again, I was going to shut her door so she wouldn't wake Tanner. (That probably isn't what Dr. Ferber says to do, but I haven't read that far yet.) She woke up again at 3:30, doing the same thing. But she went right back to sleep, only crying once because she wouldn't find her lovey. Of course, then Tanner woke up. I went in, picked him up, loved on hm, did not rock, gave him some teething tablets and laid him back down. He went back to sleep. Then Kendall woke at 7 sharp, and I got in bed with her for a few minutes, just to let the sun emerge. Tanner woke up shortly after, and he climbed in bed with the two of us for a few minutes. I went to potty, and when I came back, this is what I saw.

How can you be mad at them when they are so darn cute in the mornings?!

Anyway, this is where we are. Last night I feel like I got less sleep than the nights before, but we're getting there. (This is when I would usually cave, justifying it by saying that we got more sleep when I was sleepign with Kendall. Just have to remember this si about her - not me.) Kendall stayed in her bed all night long ... do you know how long it's been since she did that? And I'm very proud of her for going to sleep on her own. She hasn't done that in 3 years!!

Ferberization and inconsistency -- my savior and my weekness

I have found something that really works!! Well, apparently it was found many, many years ago, but the idea has always had a negative connotation for me. Recently, after my complaining about not getting any sleep, a friend suggested the Ferber method. At this point in the game, I'm all for anything that will work! Tim and I had turned the doorknob around and we were about to lock her in for the night when Katherine scanned and emailed some pages from her book. Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems seems pretty straight forward. There's no "reasoning" with you child or being "robotic", the two extremes that I just can't seem to do. I know there is absolutely no point trying to talk to Kendall in the middle of the night to get her to stay in her bed. No asking her, "Why are you scared?" or "What can Mommy do to make you feel better?" I also, however, cannot do it the Supernanny way. I tried just picking her and putting her back in bed and walking out. I did it over and over and over ... but it seems that no explanation isn't the answer either. So Ferber it is.



3 nights ago I sat down after the kids were finally asleep and read the pages Katherine emailed. It seemed easy enough. The fundamental rule is if you stay in your bed, your door stays open; if you get out of bed, your door closes. And Kendall does not like her door closed. So night before last, before bed I explained the process to Kendall very plainly, just like the book says. Tim still sat with her to go to sleep (which we're figuring out is not going to work), but when she woke up at 2:30, I picked her up, put her in bed and said that if she got up, I was going to close her door. About 20 mins. later she came to get me, and as promised, I put her in bed and closed her door for 1 minute. She was fine at first, but once she felt she couldn't just open the door, she started crying. After 1 minute, I opened the door and put her back in, telling her that if she got out of bed, I would close her door, but for now I was going back to my bed and leaving her door open. About 3:15, she came out again, and I put her back and held the door for 2 minutes. (It's all progressive.) She FREAKED OUT!! Screaming, crying, wailing, banging on the door ... so we only made it to 80 seconds, but she got the point. After being put back in bed she only called out for me once (but didn't get out of bed!), and then fell asleep around 4, by herself, in her bed, and slept til 8 AM.

Wow, I thought! That really wasn't so bad at all. Then last night, she went to sleep by herself (with a little protest, but still alone), woke up at 12:30, I put her back in bed, told her to stay, and she did! Until Tanner woke her up crying at 5. Poo. So this is where the inconsistency comes in. At 5 AM, do I leave her in her room where she can't go back to sleep because I'm letting Tanner cry, or do I put her in my bed to go back to sleep? This is soooooo hard!! So against my better judgement, I put her in my bed ... and she didn't really ever go back to sleep ... because she knew she was supposed to be in her bed.

Oh well ... at least we're getting through to her. And I'm very proud of her ... and myself ... now to just get the rocking chair out of Tanner's room ...

TAG, I'm it!

I've been tagged in the blog world by Jamie. Apparently I have to tell you 5 random things about myself. Here's goes:

1. I wear Invisalign braces at night.

2. My favorite kind of muffins are bran muffins -- actually I like anything bran ... flakes, muffins, cereal, granola bars, cookies.

3. I didn't ride my first roller coaster until I was 21 years old, and my first one was the Ninja. Crazy, I know!

4. I have known my best friend Stacey for 24 years, since 1 st grade. She moved in 5th grade and we are still best friends!

5. I don't know how to ride a bicycle.



Now I tag Heather, Jason, Karen, Anne, and Amy/Tim.

Tattling vs. Telling

A new monster has reared its ugly head in the Morris household. I'm not sure who opened the door to this monster. Perhaps all homes with 4-year-old girls get a visit ... the question is - how do we deal with it?

The monster I am referring to it the TattleTale. It is an ugly, fierce monster. Very hard to deal with. Mean. Sneaky. And whiny. And Kendall has welcomed it with open arms.

I must try to make you understand how ferocious the TattleTale can be. If you have not encountered one, you should know that it approaches slowly and quietly. And then, when you least expect it, it pounces. Usually in late afternoon when you may be trying to fold some laundry or get dinner ready. It changes your child ... your once sweet and capable-of-dealing-with-her-own-problems child. I'm not certain why this creature usually finds little girls to be more appealing than little boys. Maybe it's because little boys are more likely to, um, find other ways to deal with issues that come up between themselves and their friends. But girls are different. So now, instead of trying to beat the monster off with a stick, we're trying to figure out how to live with it.

Tattletales are not so bad all the time. They can provide large amounts of information when needed. I sort of think of them as little gossips. However, there is a side of the TattleTale that is nothing short of annoying. Allow me to give you an example:

This morning, I was rushing around trying to get myself, Kendall, and Tanner dressed before taking Kendall to school and taking Tanner to the doctor. Tanner was jumping on the bed with his shoes on, which is usually a no-no, but you do what you have to do to get out the door before 9 AM. So Tanner was jumping while I was begging Kendall to brush her teeth and trying to find a T-shirt that wasn't too wrinkled to throw on. Instead of brushing her teeth, like I asked, Kendall proceeded to give me commentary on everything Tanner was doing.

"Mommy, Tanner is jumping on the bed. He has his shoes on. He's not supposed to do that."

Well, duhhhh. If only she could put so much effort into staying in her bed at night! I've been trying to explain to Kendall that she doesn't have to tell me Tanner is doing something if I am standing right there. I can see him. So I told her to go brush her teeth and let me deal with Tanner.

Another example, which is the more likely scenario:

I'm trying to get dinner ready in the midst of Witching Hour. Kendall and Tanner are playing on the back deck, quietly at first. Then it starts.

"Mommy, Tanner is driving his car around the table."

"Mommy, Tanner told me no."

"Mommy, Tanner is blowing bubbles out of his nose."

"Mommy, Tanner won't let me jump off the porch." (OK, that one is a stretch.)

Anyway, you can see the pattern. Kendall has made a habit of tattling about anything and everything that doesn't go her way. So, how to deal with it.

I read an article (there I go reading again) about teaching your kids the difference between "telling" and "tattling." This is what we've been trying to teach Kendall. "Telling" is what you do when someone is doing something that hurts you or themselves. Tattling is the opposite. So now, every time Kendall wants to tell me that Tanner is picking his nose or playing with his wee-wee, I remind her that he is not hurting her. If Tanner hits or bites her, then she can tell me all she wants. So far, this seems to be working. We still have to remind her about, oh, 15 times a day, but maybe some of it is sinking in. And it doesn't hurt that there is usually an episode on Dora or Super Why explaining the difference between tattling and telling, too. Mom's always need reinforcements.

For now, the TattleTale appears to be under control in the Morris house. Hopefully he won't set up camp for too long ... or Mom and Dad will have to break out some "monsters" of their own!

Quite a Scare

Allow me to introduce you to Lovey. Lovey is Tanner's comfort object. Yes, I meant to capitalize Lovey because it is a proper noun in our house ... Tanner almost considers it a person, I think. In his head, he cannot live without Lovey. And on Friday evening, Lovey disappeared.

Yes, we had quite a scare. If any of your children have a lovey (or a bear, or a baby), you will understand how devastating this was for our little man. Kendall has always had a lovey- her pink and white bunny blanket. For years, she wouldn't go anywhere without hers. So it was inevitable that Tanner would have one as well. My cousin Laurie even bought Tanner the same kind of lovey, a blue and white bunny blanket. So from the day he was in his own bed, I have had that bunny blanket in Tanner's bed. It took a long time before he bonded with that blanket. I don't really have evidence of a bond until around March 2007. There are a few pictures here and there, but nothing like what we have with Lovey now.

For months, Tanner could care less about that bunny blanket. He wanted it when he slept, but it didn't soothe him much during the day. The only crazy thing was that he wouldn't suck his thumb without having his lovey in the crook of his arm. Once the connection was made between the two (lovey and thumb), it was never broken.

Now some of you are thinking, "Now wait a minute. I've seen Lovey, and he ain't no blue and white bunny blanket." Well, you are correct. Starting sometime around January, Tanner started taking a liking to anything silky. He would use my nightgowns, Kendall's dress-up clothes, her PJ pants, a Barbie dress. Then, one day while cleaning out my drawer I stumbled upon a scarf I bought in college. It's is tiger striped and silky. Once Tanner found it, that was it. Lovey was born.

Now it is hard to find Tanner without Lovey. It always travels in our diaper bag and rides in the car seat with Tanner. Lovey swims, rides tractors, eats dinner at our table, sits in timeout, and goes grocery shopping. Tanner must have it to sleep. And really, there is no replacement. It smells disgusting, as most comfort objects do. It has holes in it where he has chewed on it until he could get his thumb through a hole (therefor making it easier to hang onto, I guess). When I have to wash it (which he does let me do occasionally), he paces in front of the washing machine and dryer while it is being cleaned. And once it is out, he is ecstatic.

So on Friday, Kendall and Tanner had been playing all over the place ... outside, upstairs, in bedrooms, jumping on beds ... so when Lovey came up missing, we weren't even sure where to start looking. Naturally, we didn't realize it was missing until bathtime, which didn't give us much time to turn the house upside down looking for it. Tanner walked around yelling, "Lo-vey. Where are you?" while Tim and I pulled out toys, looked under furniture, checked cabinets, looked under the deck outside, everything. After searching for a bout an hour, we came up with nothing. It was bedtime and I had to prepare Tanner for a night without Lovey ... and perhaps many nights afterwards.

So as bedtime neared, we talked about sleeping with "new lovey" and how we would find "other Lovey" tomorrow. He was agreeable until we sat down in the rocking chair.

"Mommy, where udder Lovey go?"

"Lovey went bye-bye, Babby. You're gonna sleep with new lovey tonight. Remember?"

"OK."

And so it went on for 20 minutes or so. I would rock and hum, he would sit quietly with 3 or 4 other silky objects crammed in the crook of his arm. Just when I thought he was drifting off, he would say, "Mommy, where udder lovey go?" I finally got him to get in his bed and fall asleep after about 45 minutes, but it didn't last. Tanner woke up several times that night asking for Lovey. It was heartbreaking.

Saturday the kids went to Mom's to spend the day and night so Tim and I could go to Athens. I mentioned to her that Lovey was lost, but not to mention anything about it and maybe he would forget. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Nope. When he got home Sunday, first thing he said to me was, "Mommy, where udder lovey go?"

I was prepared for the fact that I had probably scarred my little boy for life. He would never be comforted again in his times of need. He would be unable to love and nurture his own children and to care for his wife. He would become a cynical and pessimistic man because his comfort abject was taken away too early. How would he ever survive?

Then it happened. We were upstairs cleaning the playroom (which had been turned inside-out twice, mind you) when Tanner yelled, "I foun udder lovey, Mommy!!!" I've never seen him so happy! Never! He immediately stuck Lovey in the crook of his arm, stuck his thumb in his mouth and laid down on the floor in the middle of the room. I honestly thought he would drift off to sleep right there . . . it was so sweet.

So all is well in the world. Lovey has returned. Tanner is whole ... and happy. And I will never again be embarrassed by the fact that my son carries a tiger-striped Lovey everywhere he goes.

Animal print is in, after all!

What Advice is Good Advice?

I have this friend. She's a really good friend. She's been married to her husband for almost 10 years. They have children. They live in a beautiful house with their beautiful dog. From the outside, she appears to be really happy and "together," much like so many wives and moms would like to be.

This is why it is so hard for me to listen to her talking about the lack of trust in her marriage. At least I know she's having a hard time trusting him ... years ago, her husband strayed. He had a little fling with a co-worker. It didn't last too long, but when my friend found out, she was devastated. Now it's been years, and she's still having a hard time handling the situation. She, her husband, and his fling still run in the same circle of friends. They live in the same city ... hang out at the same restaurants ... and occasionally, they have run into this girl. While her husband swears that there is nothing going on now, my friend knows he has talked to the girl on a few occasions, whether it be on the phone or in person. My friend desperately wants to trust her husband. He is the love of her life, the father of her children, but she still finds herself wanting to check his email and cell bills. These thoughts have almost become an obsession of sorts. So she asks me what she should do.

I don't know what the right thing is ... I don't know what to tell her. I could tell her to just give him the benefit of the doubt; however, when she did that before, he broke her trust. I could tell her to confront him, tell him her feelings. But she is afraid of "rocking the boat." Like I said before, from the outside her life appears perfect. She and her husband always seem happy to others when they are out. They even seem happy to each other when they are at home. But it is so obvious to me after talking to her that she is so very unhappy. She goes out of her way to make sure he is happy all the time, but it doesn't appear to me that he reciprocates. She hardly ever gets time to herself, while he goes on guy trips every few weeks. There are so many things about her marriage that bother me ... but I don't want to give her the wrong advice.

Part of me wants to say, "Lay down the law! Tell him that if you find out that he has seen or talked to her again, you are taking the kids and leaving!" Another part of me wants to say, "Just talk to him, tell him how you feel." Then another part wants to say,"If he says he's not talking to her, then you should trust him. What's a marriage without trust?" I'm torn.

So I come to you, my very wise readers. What do I do? What do I tell her? I am the only person she has confided in; all of her family and friends live elsewhere. She is waiting for ME to tell her what the next step is. She has printed emails and phone bills with the forbidden phone number on them, and she doesn't know what to do with them. Can you, oh wise ones, please impart some wisdom? (She does not read my blog, so be as honest as you like.) I appreciate it!

Family dinners are growing on me ... finally!

Tim and I have some really great neighbors. We've actually always been blessed with great neighbors, but we have finally found another family with young parents and 2 kids. The dad is a lot like Tim -- he enjoys working in the yard, getting dirty on his 4-wheeler, and hanging out. The mom is a lot like me -- she was a cheerleader in high school, was a stay-at-home mom until her youngest started Kindergarten, and likes her girly time, too. Their two sons are absolutely precious. The oldest is a really great kid. As a former 6th grade teacher, I've been exposed to hundreds of pre-teens. This young man is one of the sweetest, most polite, and most considerate of any I've ever met. While most kids his age would run from the idea of "playing" with the neighbors' younger kids, this one doesn't balk at the idea at all. Every time we are outside, he says hello. When we hang out at their house, he's open to checking on the younger kids whenever asked. When we eat dinner with them, he lets Kendall pick at him and slap on him, even if it's getting on his nerves. And he even plays with Tanner, which is a big deal because there is a 9 year age difference. He never complains about "babysitting" at all -- well, at least not to me. The younger son is a real boy's boy. He's always going 90 miles a minute, but still never forgets to say hello when passing by. Kendall has always had a little crush on him. When she first met him, she was smitten. For months, she would only whisper, "Hi," as he passed by, never loud enough for him to hear her. It was so cute. Now that they are older and have gotten to know each other, she talks and plays with him. Though he is older than Kendall by two years, he includes her when she wants to be included, and that means a lot to Kendall and to me.
So now we have this new family to hang out with. It may sound silly, but Tim and I are very excited about it. We've always wanted another family to pal around with. And now that we've started spending time with them, it seems like we've seen them every weekend! I think it's great, even though I feel like they will probably get tired of spending time with us. Unfortunately, Tim and I don't have that many couples to hang out with ... our friends from college all live too far away or don't share our interests ... our other "couple" friends either don't have kids, have kids who aren't the same age as ours, or are always busy with other things. I think what makes me happiest about this new friendship is that the mom will say things that I'm afraid to say. For example, last time we had dinner, she mentioned to the men that we needed to start alternating weekends. One weekend they could go ride 4-wheelers and the next we could do something while they watched the kids. I would never dream of suggesting that to Tim. I don't know why, I just don't ever say things like that even though I think it all the time.
So hopefully this is the beginning of a really good friendship ... one that will last even after we move ... because I actually like their entire family. Our family dinners with them are relaxing and calm, even when the kids are nuts! I only hope that they know how much I enjoy spending time with them.

Mommy, there's poop in the water!!

Yep, it finally happened. My best friend used to tell me stories about how her daughter would do this every time they put her in the bathtub. I suppose the heat "relaxes" everything on the inside. But Kendall never did it. Not in 4 years. And Tanner didn't do it ...

Until last night. I tried to get him to sit on his potty before he got in the bathtub, just like always. He refused to sit on it, even though his diaper from the past hours was bone dry. I should have taken that as a hint that there was something going on in there. So I put Tanner in the tub and he squatted. Naturally, he peed in the tub (while that may sound icky to some of you, there's really no way to avoid it). I walked out of the bathroom to put dirty clothes in hampers when Kendall yelled, "Mommy, how did poop get in the bathtub? Is that poop?! Mommy!! Mommy!! It's coming!!!"

Ewww, ewwwww, and ewwwwwwww! When I got back in the bathroom, Tanner's poop was floating in the water. I had flashbacks from the South Park episode with the floating poo ...

At first, I wasn't even sure what to do. So I just reacted. I pulled Kendall out first, wrapped her in a towel and sent her to tell Tim to start the water in our bathtub. Then I lifted Tanner out, all the while, he was saying, "Sowwy, Mommy." I wrapped him and sent him off to the other bathroom. I started to let the water drain when I realized that the "poo" wasn't going to wash down the drain.

Oh, dear. So what did I do? Desperate times call for desperate measures. I used the cup for rinsing shampoo to chase down the poo. It took several tries before I was able to catch all of it. I flushed it down the potty and immediately sprayed down the tub and threw the contaminated toys in the laundry sink to be bleached. The rest of the night continued as planned.

But after I fell asleep last night, I had a dream about floating poo. Those of you who think this is disgusting, you are correct. But it is just one of those things that we do as mothers. Things that we would never do for anyone else, and sometimes not even for ourselves (ie. cleaning up vomit, pee, blood, or poo), we do for our children. Because we have to. And if we don't do it, no one will.

Just another one of the "perks" of being a mom.

I have a pottier!!

After writing that "woe is me" blog yesterday, I feel like I should share the silver lining of the day for yesterday. I'm promising myself to start focusing more on the good things that happen every day - not the bad ones.

Yesterday my little 2-year-old boy pee-peed in the potty 5 TIMES!!!

This potty-training is so much harder with a boy, but he's working on it!! I think he's finally getting the concept, though I'm not really pushing him. I just let him go when he says he wants to. It help too that his big sissy uses the potty!

So yeah for Tanner!!

PS - I'm taking an idea from Oprah (I don't like many of her ideas as of late ...) I'm going to make a list of my "favorite things." Look for that post soon!