Tattling vs. Telling

A new monster has reared its ugly head in the Morris household. I'm not sure who opened the door to this monster. Perhaps all homes with 4-year-old girls get a visit ... the question is - how do we deal with it?

The monster I am referring to it the TattleTale. It is an ugly, fierce monster. Very hard to deal with. Mean. Sneaky. And whiny. And Kendall has welcomed it with open arms.

I must try to make you understand how ferocious the TattleTale can be. If you have not encountered one, you should know that it approaches slowly and quietly. And then, when you least expect it, it pounces. Usually in late afternoon when you may be trying to fold some laundry or get dinner ready. It changes your child ... your once sweet and capable-of-dealing-with-her-own-problems child. I'm not certain why this creature usually finds little girls to be more appealing than little boys. Maybe it's because little boys are more likely to, um, find other ways to deal with issues that come up between themselves and their friends. But girls are different. So now, instead of trying to beat the monster off with a stick, we're trying to figure out how to live with it.

Tattletales are not so bad all the time. They can provide large amounts of information when needed. I sort of think of them as little gossips. However, there is a side of the TattleTale that is nothing short of annoying. Allow me to give you an example:

This morning, I was rushing around trying to get myself, Kendall, and Tanner dressed before taking Kendall to school and taking Tanner to the doctor. Tanner was jumping on the bed with his shoes on, which is usually a no-no, but you do what you have to do to get out the door before 9 AM. So Tanner was jumping while I was begging Kendall to brush her teeth and trying to find a T-shirt that wasn't too wrinkled to throw on. Instead of brushing her teeth, like I asked, Kendall proceeded to give me commentary on everything Tanner was doing.

"Mommy, Tanner is jumping on the bed. He has his shoes on. He's not supposed to do that."

Well, duhhhh. If only she could put so much effort into staying in her bed at night! I've been trying to explain to Kendall that she doesn't have to tell me Tanner is doing something if I am standing right there. I can see him. So I told her to go brush her teeth and let me deal with Tanner.

Another example, which is the more likely scenario:

I'm trying to get dinner ready in the midst of Witching Hour. Kendall and Tanner are playing on the back deck, quietly at first. Then it starts.

"Mommy, Tanner is driving his car around the table."

"Mommy, Tanner told me no."

"Mommy, Tanner is blowing bubbles out of his nose."

"Mommy, Tanner won't let me jump off the porch." (OK, that one is a stretch.)

Anyway, you can see the pattern. Kendall has made a habit of tattling about anything and everything that doesn't go her way. So, how to deal with it.

I read an article (there I go reading again) about teaching your kids the difference between "telling" and "tattling." This is what we've been trying to teach Kendall. "Telling" is what you do when someone is doing something that hurts you or themselves. Tattling is the opposite. So now, every time Kendall wants to tell me that Tanner is picking his nose or playing with his wee-wee, I remind her that he is not hurting her. If Tanner hits or bites her, then she can tell me all she wants. So far, this seems to be working. We still have to remind her about, oh, 15 times a day, but maybe some of it is sinking in. And it doesn't hurt that there is usually an episode on Dora or Super Why explaining the difference between tattling and telling, too. Mom's always need reinforcements.

For now, the TattleTale appears to be under control in the Morris house. Hopefully he won't set up camp for too long ... or Mom and Dad will have to break out some "monsters" of their own!