Mom's Dirty Little Secrets

Parenting has an article this month that made me feel soooooo much better after I read it. Here are 4 dirty little secrets that many moms may share (even if they don't want to admit it!).

1) If you have more than on child, you'll probably have a favorite.-- This one is my secret. Well, I suppose it's not a secret to everyone. This article says that most mom's have a favorite, though it may change from moment to moment or day to day. When Tanner was a newborn and had to have his needs met all day long, Kendall was the favorite. She helped me out, bringing me diapers and bottles. She was very good at entertaining herself while I fed Tanner or rocked him. She was always quiet when he was sleeping (which was most of the time). Today, Tanner is my favorite simply because he is at the age that I adore - 15 to 30 months. He is inquisitive without being annoying and sweet without being needy. I'm sure that any mom can relate. And I also know that as they get older, my "favorite" will change. It will be interesting to see who is my favorite when they are 11 and 13, or 13 and 15!

2) Raising kids gets much easier physically as they get older ... but much harder mentally. -- Hallelujah!! I was so excited when Kendall was potty-trained. No more carrying around 2 sizes of diapers and enough wipes for an army. And it was wonderful when Tanner started walking because he never wanted to be held. My arms were finally free, after 3 years of carrying one or more children!! However, had I known then (yes, there are "those words") that the potty-trained little girl would become such a stubborn and opinionated little girl, I gladly would have let her stay in PullUps for another year! And I also should have known that once Tanner started walking, the two would gang up on me in stores. I think they plan it in the car on the way every time. Once both kids have their feet steady on the store floor, they take off -- in separate directions, and I have to fight back the urge to scream in public (because I hate moms that do that). It's also tough handling children as they get older because they all these emotions that they can't explain; hence, the temper tantrums. And you hate seeing them cry, but you want them to be independent members of society one day, so you don't want to give in. It's tough making decisions when it seems like a lose-lose situation. I'm waiting for the day when Kendall and Tanner both say "Please" and "Thank you" to a person they don't know without prompting from me. It will be my reward for putting up with all these mentally challenging situations; to know that I have raised respectful, polite children.

3) Taking care of kids actually isn't that hard. But it can make everything else in life nearly impossible. -- This one made me laugh. I remember the first year I was at home with Kendall and Tanner. Tanner was a newborn, and Kendall was 26 months old. Once we got a schedule down with the baby, life actually wasn't so hard. Until I tried to make a phone call. Or load the washing machine. Or take a shower. If all we had to do, as moms (and dads), was take care of the kids, we'd be set! I can get them up, clothe them, feed them, play with them, bathe them, and put them to bed. Those are the easy things. It's the grocery shopping, vacuuming, cooking, driving, and eating that are a little more difficult with the kids. So as I'm trying to accept that I must go back to work in a year, I'm realizing that all the other stuff can wait. I want to relish this time with the kids; make it the best year we have together. If Tim's boxers don't get washed, he'll be OK. If we have to fast food because I never got dinner cooked, it's not a big deal. All the toys don't have to be picked up when Tim gets home; they can be picked up later. If we can't do all the things we want to do right now, it'll be fine. We can do them later, after we have taken care of our babies. So now I have let myself not get so worked up over the "other" stuff in my life. I'm living by the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff." Take care of the relationships and everything else can take care of itself, eventually.

4) Your child might not turn out the way you want her to. -- I'm still waiting to see how this one will work out for us. Kendall and Tanner are still so young. I find Tim and myself trying to push things on the kids unintentionally. I want Kendall to take dance and be a cheerleader. We have been pushing trucks and bugs on Tanner since he was born. But what if Kendall decides that she doesn't want to be a cheerleader? Or go to the University of Georgia? Or be a Sigma Kappa? Will I be devastated? Yes, initially I will be. But I will get over it. I also know that Tim and I can be the best possible parents, and there are still external things that will influence how the kids turn out. Look at my brother. While he has certainly matured into a strong, proud family man, he wasn't always that way. And we were raised the same way, by the same parents, in the same home. We were just complete opposites. In ways, we still are. Tim and his sister are the same. Keri was the book smart one (like me) while Tim was a hands-on learner who couldn't wait to get out of school (like Josh). We are all successful now; we just got here on different roads. And I think my kids are the same way, opposites, I mean ... but it's still too early to tell. We'll see in a few years!

So those are my 4 dirty little secrets. I guess they aren't secrets anymore. I'd love to hear some of your opinions on the subjects ... make me feel like I'm not the worst mom for feeling like this!! If you think I'm terrible, that's fine. But I KNOW that you agree with at least ONE of these secrets ... and you know you do, too!

She must have known I needed a break!

A happy blog after yesterday's sad report --

This is my well-rested little girl.

This is the bed she slept in ALL NIGHT BY HERSELF.

And she got to play on the computer today. :)

And I like her so much more for it!!

Like a brick to the head

It hits me out of nowhere. Like a truck. Nothing subtle about it.

It can be triggered by any number of things -- a song ("I Can Only Imagine"), a sound (a passing motorcycle), a look (Tanner's baby blue eyes), a question (Is Heaven way, way up high?), a photo.

You're thinking I'm talking about my crazy temper, right? My feelings of total instability at times?

No, that's not it at all. I'm talking about the overwhelming feeling of sadness ... how much I miss my dad. (Yes, mom, stop reading now.)

Most of you know that I lost my dad 3 years, 2 months, and 19 days ago. It was very sudden, in a DUI accident on 575. The man (well, he was more of a boy) who killed him tried to pass and cut him off too soon, sending his pickup off the road. My dad was killed instantly, and instantly, he was ripped from our lives.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was 5 days out of teaching my 4th year. Kendall and I were enjoying a day together on my summer vacation. Mom was out of town, Tim was at work, the day was normal. Until I got a call from my brother. Strange? Yes. He was in North Carolina, serving his first year of service in the Army. So I answered the phone, interested to see what stories Josh had to tell. All he said was, "Have you talked to Mom?" "No, why?" "Dad's dead."

Hunh? Yeah, just like that. It hit me. I couldn't do anything but scream and collapse. Kendall just started crying along with me, I think because I scared her. My body was taken over by something bigger than me. I couldn't control myself. I called Lynn, my MIL, to see if she could come over. I knew I couldn't take care of Kendall at that moment. She was already on her way. Then I talked to Tim and he was on his way. The cavalry was arriving, and I was a mess.

That was, by far, the worst day of my life. The worst moment. The worst feeling.

But these are not the things I find myself thinking about when I start to have the overwhelming feeling of missing him. There are a multitude of things about my dad that made him wonderful; I wish I had known that when he was alive. He knew how much I loved him; I just wish I had told him every day. Here's a list of the things I think about the most:

1) His beard. I find myself thinking all the time that I'll never feel that beard on my cheek again. It was scratchy, and grey, but it was him; it was "PawPaw." All the times he shaved it off, he just wasn't right.

2) Dancing with him at my wedding. I knew, before Tim and I planned the wedding, that Daddy and I were going to dance to "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle. It was never a question. And as the day approached, I was so excited to dance with him in front of all of my family and friends. We were never particularly affectionate (not that I can remember), but I always thought of myself as a Daddy's Girl. So when he took my hand on that dance floor, I knew this was the perfect song. He held me close, we swayed to the music, lost in our world. I wiped my eyes with tissue, and in the verse that says, "Walk me down the aisle, Daddy," he sobbed. I mean, broke down. I had to hold him up. I knew then what love truly was between a father and daughter. I can only hope that one day Kendall will understand the same love with Tim.

3) His camouflage cargo pants. The ones he cut grass in, rode his bike in, sat around the house in ... he loved those pants! And it drove Mom crazy when he wanted to wear them to family functions (this was after the overall stage), but everyone expected it, so they weren't surprised. They suited him perfectly. They were worn, dependable, cozy.

4) The way he loved. And I don't mean the way he loved me ... I mean the way he loved everything. He knew that he was "fearfully and wonderfully made." As a recovered addict, he knew every day was precious. And he loved that way. He loved my mom. He brought her flowers. He rubbed her feet every night. He loved my brothers and me. He supported us in everything we did, regardless of how good or bad it was for us. He loved his grandbabies. He was the best grandpa; I feel blessed that Kendall had the chance to meet him and know him, if only for 1 year. He loved his friends. He had these crazy friends that he rode bikes with. They had long hair and wore lots of leather. And, above all else, he loved God. And he never afraid to share his faith. Even when it wasn't cool to be Christian, he was.

5) He called me "punkin." He wrote me a letter every year on my birthday, addressed to "Punkin". At first they were in my birthday cards, just small notes telling me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. Then when I went to college, he began writing longer letters. He would tell me about the things he had learned since becoming a grown up. He was still proud, but it made him sad to watch me grow up, he said. I actually stumbled upon a letter he wrote to me when I graduated from college in a book called God's Little Devotional Book for Teachers. (Perhaps, that is what has provoked this extremely long blog!)

6) He was proud. He was proud of being a husband, proud of being a father, proud of being a grandpa. He was proud of being an American, proud of being a veteran, proud of being a Christian. He was proud of being a friend, proud of being a pastor, proud of being a shepherd to the Lord!

So, I've reread this and I see that I still have not even come close to covering all the wonderful things about my dad. I wish that I could explain all the things about him that made him great. I wish that I could explain how much I miss him and how sad it makes me that Tanner will never know him. I wish I had spent more time with him when he was on this Earth. I wish I had told him how proud I was to have him as a dad.

You can put your Kleenex away now. I'm finished with this topic for now ... but I'm bound to revisit again one day. I'll give warnings ...

Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you today ... and every day ...

Couldn't resist sharing.

Mom and I decided to hit the local Old Navy this morning. They are having a one day jean sale; and you can never have too many jeans, especially at $12. So we shopped around for a few minutes, both kids holding quarters in their little hands, waiting to buy bouncy balls if they were good. We checked out, bouncy balls in hand, praising both kids on being so good in the store. It was really crowded, really loud, and we only had to carry Tanner for a few minutes. They were great!

So on the way home in the car, I told Kendall that we were going back to our house so Tanner could take a nap. Mom was going back to her house to take a nap before the kids come to spend the night tonight (ahhhh....sigh.......). I can't share this without just giving it to you in conversation style.

Kendall: I want to go to Nana's house.
Me: No, Nana is going to take a nap and then you can go over later.
K: I'll take a nap with Nana.
Nana: If you will really lay down and go to sleep, you can stay with me. But you have to sleep.
K: I think I'll just go home with Mommy.
M: That's fine. But we have to be quiet and rest because Tanner and Daddy will both be sleeping.
K: OK, I'm gonna play on the computer.
M: No, you're not.
K: But I waaaannnnnnt to. (Whining)
N: You can't today.
M: Why can't you play on the computer, Kendall? Tell Nana why you can't.
K: No.
M: You didn't sleep all night in your bed, did you? That's why you can't play on the computer.
K: Ohhhhhhhh (whining), when are we going to the beach?!

Mom and I just cracked up! You see, I've told Kendall that after we get back from the beach, she has to sleep all night in her bed or I'm locking her door. So I guess she thinks that it will just magically happen when we return from Cocoa Beach!

By the way -- I'm watching Take Home Nanny, and they are working on 3 kids staying in their beds to sleep. None of these kids have EVER slept in their own beds. They are 3 1/2 and 2. So how come these kids are staying in their beds the second night????????? Everyone makes it look so easy.

Feverish for Fall ... or just feverish?

Was anyone else LOVING the weather this afternoon as much as I was? This is the day I've been waiting for!! (No, I didn't double up on my anti-depressants or drink before blogging.) This was just the most perfect day outside!! We had play group this morning, and the kids had fun checking out the new playhouse. Unfortunately, the moms had to fight off mosquitoes (still talking Tim into the mosquito vacuum!), but we had fun. There was not too much sun, a cool breeze, and low humidity. Fa-Bu-Lous!!

So the kids and I finally got to spend some time outside. I figured out today that this is why we've been wanting to kill each other the last few weeks ... we've been stuck inside!! My kids are truly their father's -- they love the outdoors as much as he does. They are not affected by the heat the way I am, the sun doesn't bother them one bit, and they could play outside all day long if I'd let them. So even after the friends left this AM, we still sat on the porch and played. I got to read the end of the book I've been working on (James Patterson's Lifeguard) and the kids got some outside time. Then after Tanner's nap, we headed outside again. They rode bikes, colored with chalk, blew bubbles -- all my favorite things to do with them. And I was able to remember what it is about my children that truly makes me love them so much.

Kendall is such a "mother." She is so quick to help Tanner if he needs it. She likes to show him how to do new things, and if he doesn't get it right the first time, she's his ultimate cheerleader when he tries again and again. Kendall is also my nature lover. Her favorite thing to do outside is roll in the grass! The two of us could sit outside and just watch butterflies for hours. When we were watching our hummingbirds, she was mesmerized by them! She has decided to name them (I'm not sure how she can tell them apart), and she's determined to catch one and keep it as her pet.

Tanner is my happy little man. I forget often that he is only 2 years old; everything is still so new to him. I took him outside a lot in the spring, but he was still young and really couldn't do much. Not now. When we walked out the front door this afternoon, he saw a spiderweb. The first thing he said was, "Wow!" And he meant it. He squatted down and looked at it; then he switched angles, like he was really studying, trying to figure out how to build one of his own. (I was reminded of Wilbur trying to make a web in Charlotte's Webb.) After planning his web, he walked down the driveway and found some ants devouring a dead worm. Yeah, you're probably thinking what I was thinking -- ewww. But Tanner laid down on his stomach over this worm and watched. It is the stillest I have ever seen him for more than 2 minutes. I was afraid he had fallen asleep until he yelled, "Mommy, look!" I forced myself to indulge him and looked over his shoulder. "Mommy, what they doin'?" I just cracked up. I told him that the ants were eating dinner, and he licked his finger and picked up the worm!!! I had to stop him before he stuck it in his mouth!! (This is what boys do, I must remind myself!!!) I took this as a sign that I needed to get ready for dinner!

So today, though I am still exhausted from dealing with our sleep issues, I enjoyed both of my kids, and I think they enjoyed me. It was a welcome break from the sassing, time-outing, and fighting. Hopefully, this is a preview of things to come. While standing outside watching them play, I could not believe that my children are growing up so much. Kendall is 4, and Tanner is 2. Pretty soon they will be going off to elementary school, making friends, doing homework, figuring out who they want to be -- it's so exciting, yet scary.

And, yes, it's sad. So many of my friends are having babies right now. And, yes, it's true, I feel the itch every once in a while to have another one (but don't hold your breath). I remember holding both of my babies for the first time. I remember their first birthdays. I remember rocking them to sleep. I remember the first time they called me Mommy or said, "I love you." It makes me sad to think that those times are gone. I know they still love me and need me; they always will, just like I still need my mom. But pretty soon it won't be "cool" to need me; they'll have to like me in private. It's just hard to believe that 4 years have flown by in a blink.

So, OK, I've changed topics a few time here ... I guess my one glass of wine did go to my head! What I was trying to say is that I am looking forward to some cooler months with cooler heads and cooler attitudes in our house!! So perhaps when all the inner turmoil calms, the sleep issues will be resolved. And Tim and I will be able to find each other again!

But we WON'T be making anymore babies!! ;)

Because you all want to know ...

I know the only reason you are reading this today is because you want to know how the night went. Well, I am a failure. Somewhat. And I'm OK with that for now. Because I'm tired. Here's a brief rundown of the night:

Before bed Kendall and I talked about what would happen if she came in after we went to bed (ie. no talking, putting back in bed, leaving). She said she would stay in her bed until the sun came up. (And I believed her. I thought, "Wow, that was really easy!") She came in at 10:15 (yes, 15 minutes after I got in the bed). I put her back in her bed, gave her a kiss, and told her goodnight. I left. At 10:30, she stood outside my bedroom door for about 8 minutes before slowly creeping in to tell me she had to go potty. I took her potty, put her back in her bed, and left. At 10:47, she came back down the hallway. I picked her up, put her back in her bed, and walked out. I figured I was keeping Tim up, so I decided just to stay in the hallway or the kitchen. So I stood ... waiting. About every 10-15 minutes, Kendall would exit her room, I would scoop her up and put her back to bed. She never cried or said anything to me. This continued for about 2 hours. At 12:15, I put her back to bed and she stayed for about 25 minutes. I decided that if she hadn't come out after 5 more minutes (this would have been 12:45), I was going to bed. Low and behold, at 12:45, she came out. So I scooped her up and put her back in bed.
Boring, hunh? Imagine doing it for one more hour, the whole time thinking that this was a waste of time because we are going to the beach in 3 weeks and why don't I just wait until she is out of school for a week in November.
At 1:55 I decided that I was going to collapse and be very cranky the next day (which wouldn't be fair to Tanner) and that Kendall was going to be horrible at school (which is unfair to her teacher and classmates). I had put her back in he bed a total of 30 times. (I kept a tab so I could show it to her this morning.) So I gave in. And we both fell fast asleep.
Yes, I caved. But, thanks to my wonderful supportive BFF, I can appreciate some of the successes of last night:
1) Kendall did not dart out of the room as soon as I walked out.
2) Kendall did not scream.
3) Kendall did not cry.
4) Tanner was not bothered at all (ergo, he slept all night).
5) I still got about 4 1/2 good sleep hours in.

These are all improvements over the last time we tried this. So perhaps, tonight will be better. Or worse.
If you have tried to call or email me and ask how it went, this is why I did not answer. I do not like admitting defeat. And I don't like hearing, "I told you so's" or "You know, I went through the same thing." So we'll try it again tonight. And tomorrow night. Maybe by Saturday she'll be so exhausted and tired of not being able to play on the computer that she'll do what I want her to!
Stay tuned ...

Absolutely fed up!!

That's it. I've made a decision. I am going to stop sleeping in the bed with Kendall. Tonight is the night. For sure. I don't care what it takes. I'm gonna do it.

I know. You're skeptical. "She's said this before," you're thinking. And I have. Several times, in fact, over the last 2 years. Yes, it's been 2 years and some months since the whole co-sleeping thing started. The pediatrician told me early on that co-sleeping was a safe idea; but I'm sure she meant for the baby, not for the pre-schooler!

Now I know that about 70% of American parents of pre-schoolers are "going through the same thing." Not true. Because if there were 70% of parents going through this, there would be more cases of child abuse! (I'm absolutely kidding about that. I would never hurt my little girl just because she wants to sleep with me.) And many parents are going through this and think it is perfectly fine; that there is no problem with sharing the bed with your child. But when does it stop????? When Kendall started this, she was 2 months shy of being two years old. We were in the process of moving, and I was 8 months pregnant with tanner. So I understood then. There was a lot going on ... she was unsure ... things felt unstable. So when she started pole-vaulting out of her crib, we decided to just move her to toddler and bed and then a bigger bed. "Ohhh, she'll stay there," they all said. "It's all about consistency." Hmmm.

So for 2 months, even though I was hugely pregnant, I was consistent. Kendall would cry at bedtime, jump out of her crib or bed as soon as I left the room, and I would hoist her up over my belly and put her back in bed. Again and again this would happen. Finally, I was just too pregnant and too tired to deal with it. I spent a few hours on her floor sleeping next to her toddler bed. Yeah, that was fun. So we put her in a big bed so I could just get in bed with her to get her back to sleep. And then I would go back to my bed. Sounds like a great plan, right????? I talked to several of my mommy friends, and they were going through the same things, so I just figured it was a phase and she would grow out of it.

Now, 2 years later, I'm wondering. I don't think it's a phase anymore. More like a habit. I thought for a while that she sleep walking or that she had sleep apnea. Nope, all been checked out. For a few months she would come running out of her room screaming for me. Now she just gets up out of her bed and quietly enters my room. For a few months she would sleep with Daddy in the bed in our room. This was when Tanner came along and I had to tend to him as well every two hours. Now, she only wants me. So if I happen to be in Tanner's room because he had a bed dream, all hell breaks loose when Kendall can't find me in my room. I just don't know what to do anymore!! I know my mom and MIL are so tired of hearing me complain about it, as are Stacey and Karen, I'm sure! "Just do something, already," I can practically hear their brains saying though they are listening so intently.

So that's why I'm gonna do it tonight. Even though Kendall has school tomorrow and will probably be sleeping away from home this weekend for at least one night. At least that night I'll get some sleep!

Just in case you don't feel sorry enough for me, here's what the last 3 nights have been like at the Morris house:

8 PM - both kids in bed, Kendall asleep, Tanner crying for Mommy. I go back in to rock him one more time before he'll give up.
8:30 PM - Both kids down, Tim and I watching TV; peace and quiet abounds.
10 PM - Tim and I retire to our bed.
11:15 PM (and this time varies) - Kendall toddles into my room. She checks the clock to see if it's morning (yes, she does), and then I get up and carry her back to her room. I crawl in bed with her. She goes right back to sleep, as do I.
12:45 AM - Tanner wakes, screaming for me. "Mommy, I wanna rock rock." So I go in, afraid that he will wake Kendall. I rock him for a few minutes, and he goes back in his crib. I go to the restroom and head back into Kendall's room. ( I know, you're wondering why I don't go back to my bedroom. Because sometimes Tanner screams for a little while before passing out, and I figure that he will wake Kendall anyway, so I might as well just stay in her room.)
2 AM - Kendall wakes me up by whispering, "Mommy. Mommy. Are you sleeping?" in my ear. Well, I was ...
4:30 AM - Tanner wakes up again. Good God, is he teething???? Does he have an ear infection?????? (this is very out of the ordinary. Tanner usually sleeps like a rock for 13 hours. Occasionally, he goes through this and we just have to let him cry it out. So that's what he will be doing tonight while Kendall is screaming in her room.)
5:30 AM - Tim gets me up from Kendall's bed when he leaves for work. We have to do this so that I can be in our room in case Snickers or Sugar tries to go in there. Sugar pees on the bed. And sometimes Snickers needs to go out. I don't mind because these are the best 2 hours of sleep I get!
7 - 7:30 AM - Kendall enters, raring to go. I am still completely out of it because I haven't gotten more than 2 hours straight of sleep all night long. I thought I would be done with this once Tanner was out of the baby stage????? Apparently not.

So if you didn't feel sorry for me before, you do now. Or maybe you re inspired that I still like to even be around my kids all day after dealing with them all night long. Or maybe you think I'm an IDIOT for letting this go on this long. (If you feel that way, I agree.) So no more Mrs. Nice Mom tonight. I mean it. Super Nanny says to just pick them up, put them back in bed, and walk out. No matter how many times you have to do it. So that's what we'll do. We meaning me ...

If bad things happen in 3's ...

You know the old cliche "Bad things always happen in 3's"? Well, I PRAY that my 3 are up! Let's see if we can count them down --

1) Drop cell phone, pee, and flush. Ewww!

2) Leave wedding rings on table in hotel. Stolen. (Insert expletive here.)

3) Exit garage. Drag part of garage down side of Tahoe. (Bigger expletive needed here.)

Yes, it's official. It's been speculated for a few years now that I am, to quote, a "no-drivin' ass." Now I have proven Tim to be correct. (I hate it when he's right.)

As many of you know (if you have ever been on the cell phone with me while I am driving), I spend 90% of my time accommodating Kendall and Tanner's wishes while driving.

"Mommy, I want to watch TV."

"Mommy, I can't hear."

"Mommy, roll my window down."

"Mommy, I want that."

You notice all of these demands require that I take my focus away from driving. So, Saturday morning, Mom and I had planned to hit Marsella's, a local high-end fashion on a low-budget store. Tim was sleeping in (he has worked so much lately), so I piled the kids in the car to try to get our trip done before he woke up. As I started to pull out of the garage, the demands started.

"Mommy, I don't want to buckle." "Mommy, I want my drink."

Then BANG.

"Mommy, what was that?!"

"Oh, I don't know. I think we just hit something in the garage."

Uh, yeah. We hit the garage!! That's right, just dragged the paint off the garage and dug a hole in the side of the Tahoe. The Tahoe that we are currently trying to sell. Argh.

So when I got out of the car at Mom's house, I pushed the kids inside before surveying the damage. Then I screamed. Really just screamed.

After getting back in the house, I sat down on the couch and had a nervous breakdown. I'm sure some of you won't understand this, but for the past few months I have felt weird ...out of sorts. I constantly feel like my head is in the clouds or I am walking through a dream. I start to do things and then get side-tracked and forget to finish them. I leave stuff all over the house. I sit things down and forget where I out them. And I do STUPID things. For example, leaving my cell phone in my pocket while trying to go to the bathroom. OF COURSE the phone is going to fall in the toilet! And leaving my wedding rings on the table in a hotel room. OF COURSE the housekeeper is going take it! I mean, duhhh! And now I have hit the side of the garage. Again (yes I've done this once before.)

This wouldn't bother me except that I am really a smart person. I graduated magna cum laude, for goodness sake!!

So as I had my breakdown in my mom's living room, she led the kids into the bathroom. I just couldn't stop crying. All I could think was that Tim was going to be so mad at me, and he'd yell at me, and I'd feel like a kid being scolded by my dad. I just feel like I've been on guard for so many months; I guess I just finally cracked. Anxiety took over. So once I stopped sobbing and berating myself, Tanner came in and crawled up in my lap. Kendall came to see why I was crying, and I realized that it's just a car. Worse thing can always happen. (Though I was still worried about how Tim would react.)

Mom and I went shopping, and we came back just as Tim woke up. While sitting on the couch with the kids, I whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear me, "I hit the garage." Hence the "No driving ass" comment. And that was that. He didn't yell. He didn't' really get "mad," per se. He was upset, but that was it. He was quiet for most of the day. And then by aquarium time, he was better. We still haven't talked about it, which is just FINE with me. I'd rather forget it happened!

So Saturday night things started to get better. We took the kids to the aquarium in Atlanta. (FYI -- Chattanooga is WAY better.) They got to stay up late and were very well-behaved. We saw Beluga whales, which I've never seen before, and I got some cool pics. They crashed when we got home at 10. It was a great time. I almost forgot how crazy I have become.

And Sunday was silver-lining day. Mom watched the kids while Tim and I went to Shane Co. to get the new diamond. (He only said I would never get another one!) This wonderful woman named Terri helped us pick out a gorgeous diamond, and now I have my new wedding ring. And I'm getting in insured today. And I'm never taking it off again!

We came home to let the kids ride Daddy's new toy, the 4-wheeler, and to finish the play ground. I tell you, my husband is a piece of work. He works his butt off all week long, and then never sits down on the weekends!! The playground is now complete on the outside, and we are waiting to cover some nails on the inside. But for all practical purposes, it is 100% functional now. We climbed rock walls and swang for about an hour yesterday before calling it a weekend.

Now I feel somewhat rejuvenated. I'm not sure why I feel this way ... so out of it. I'm hoping that it is hormonal and will pass soon. We'll see. But for now, I'll just keep my mantra going. I learned this one from Heather ...

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

Have a great day!!

I love it low-key ...

So I don't have much to report. Kendall went to school the second day much like the first. She kissed me goodbye and was headed into the classroom before I knew it. Tanner was very upset that we left Sissy at school, but he quickly got over it when he realized we were alone at home. He could play in the playroom with ALL the toys, if he wanted. Even Sissy's toys. And we ran lots of errands, which is so much easier with one child. I've always said that going from two to one is like having none at all!

So we've just been taking it easy. The kids seem to be getting along better now that they get a break from each other. I even caught them being nice ... doesn't happen much, but it was a moment long enough to get more than one picture! And Kendall and I are getting along better, for the most part. This morning she was very "frustrated" (her word) that she wasn't going to school. She said that she feels like she has to yell at me when she's home with me all day. (?) I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way!

So, while Tanner is back in his crib at 2:20 kicking his head board (no, he still hasn't fallen asleep after 2 hours), I am happy to report that the first "week" of school was a success. Next week I start an online class, so that should keep me somewhat bust while she is away. This weekend we are headed to the Atlanta Aquarium with Nana; I hope they have penguins! And Sunday it's to Shane Company we go!! You know what that means ... DIAMONDS!!

(Yes, this time I'll insure them.)

Wow, Tanner's loud back there.

Maybe I shouldn't have let him drink some of my Vitamin Water this morning. I think it was the kiwi FOCUS one. Hmmm ...

Back to School, Back to School, I love Back to School ...

Well, here it is, folks. The day I've been aching for ... waiting for ... praying for ... the first back of school. I have been looking forward to this day for 2 months, trying to remember what it was like to only have to manage one child.

So if I've been so excited about this day, why couldn't I sleep last night? Its not like I was lying in bed, thinking about all the things that could go wrong; that's not it at all. I was lying there, listening to Kendall breathe, realizing that this the last first day of school before she goes to "real" school. After the hellacious summer we have had together, I felt myself feeling guilty -- guilty for not trying to understand her feelings more, guilty for not taking her to do more things during her months off, guilty for not telling her every day how proud I am of the way she's growing up. Instead I have been spending my days telling her to leave her brother alone, to sit right in her chair, to keep her hands to herself, to share her toys, to stop talking back, and to be patient. Now she'll be off to school, with a new group of kids.

We went to meet and greet, and luckily Kendall has one of her two teachers from last year. And there are only 8 students in her class. Wonderful!! But I still worry. Will she make friends? Will she be bossy? Will she sit quietly and follow directions? Will she keep up with the other kids in her class? Will she be respectful to her teacher and the other adults at her school? I'm sure these are all things that parents worry about when their children go to school. And I'm sure I will have these worries, plus a few more, every year. So, since I couldn't sleep, I just layed there. Until Kendall woke up this morning, excited beyond belief. Good, that's one hurdle I don't have to jump.

We got up and ate breakfast. We packed her lunch in her new Disney Princess lunchbox. We brushed her teeth and hair, put on her new outfit and her sparkly shoes. I made her pose for several pictures, much to her chagrin. Then we kissed Tanner and Daddy goodbye and loaded in the car, equipped with camera, school bag and lunch, 4 bags of classroom school supplies, and some tissues in Mommy's pocket, just in case. Tim stayed home with Tanner so I could give Kendall 100% of my attention during the drop off process. I knew she would cry and hang on for dear life, so I wanted to have both hands free.

We pulled up to school, she climbed out with her bag and started to walk in the door. I had to call, "Wait for me," for her to even stop! Once in her classroom, she was done with me. She greeted Ms. Gyzell (yes, respectful) and headed over to the book shelf. A classmate came in the same time we did, the only one from her class last year. Brooke joined Kendall on the floor while her mother and I stood in disbelief. Where was the long, drawn out goodbye? Where was the crying? The begging for Mommy not to leave? When I pulled out my camera to take some pictures, Kendall looked at me and said, "Mommy, one picture and then you have to go."

No, really. She did.

So I got one picture, and got ready to take another of Kendall with Brooke when they both looked at us (the moms) and said, "Mommy, just leave," through gritted teeth, as if we were embarrassing them.

Hunh?????

So I gave Kendall a kiss, patted her pretty little head and left. Tears welled in my eyes as I walked to the car. What happened to my baby? The one that needed me so much?? I suppose I should be thrilled that she didn't make a big scene. And I am, partially. But I also wanted to see some inkling of fear, just for my own reassurance. Yes, selfish, I know. But I'm sure I'm not the only mom in the hallways of Child's Play thinking the same exact thing!! And, at 1 o'clock pick up, Kendall was still smiling, her lovey was in her bag (not in her hand), and she had been very well-behaved. She ran to me, gave me a big hug, and said, "Mommy, I had such a fun day today!" This is what being a Mom is all about!!

No "Mother of the Year" Here

OK, I don't mean to be down on myself. But I realize that I sometimes a paint an unfair picture of my kids. Many times I complain about them, how much they whine, how much they tire me out, how much I wish I could get a break from them. So, in the spirit of fairness, I am going to present the top 10 reasons why I will NOT be winning mother of the year this year.

10) I have been known to give a child Benadryl to get some sleep. (Don't knock it til you've tried it!)

9) Every day for lunch my kids eat one of three things: peanut butter and jelly, mac n cheese, or chicken nuggets. Yes, EVERY DAY.

8) I do not make my kids brush their teeth twice a day, every day.

7) I am not a get in the floor and play mom; play time is used for checking e-mail.

6) I allow Kendall to play on the Internet at age 4. (I don't think this is so bad, but some people will.)

5) I look forward to "play dates" more for the adult time than for the kid time.

4) I let my kids jump on the bed, climb over the back of the couch, and walk around while they eat.

3) I still let both of my kids, ages 4 and 2, drink from sippy cups. Apparently, children should be off sippies when they are 2.

2) Days may go by before I realize, "You know, the kids haven't had a single vegetable in __ days." And that blank is not filled with the number 1.


1) My kids don't get breakfast in the mornings until I've had AT LEAST one cup of strong coffee.

However, allow me to point out the following:

-- Suri (Cruise) still drinks from a bottle all the time, and she is 3.

-- Ryder (Kate Hudson's boy) has lonnnnnnng hair and looks like a girl way more than Tanner does.

-- Britney -- enough said.

I may be no Mother of the Year, but my kids mean more to me than anything. I love watching them learn new things and discover how things work. I love waking up to Kendall every morning, even if I have been sleeping with her in her bed all night long. I laugh every time Tanner asks, "Why, Momma?" simply because I know he really wants to know why. I'm so blessed that I have been able to stay home with them these past two years. And while they are never as happy to see me as they are to see Tim, I'm OK with that. We share a bond comparable to no other, my kids and me. And while they have plenty of people to love them all around them, they will never find another love like mine!

It Never Fails!!

It never fails.

Every time we a) have pictures scheduled, b) have a doctor's appointment, or c) have a family function with people who haven't seen Tanner in a long time, he gets hurt. I mean really hurt. Like with bruises, scrapes, or scratches.

At Christmas, it was his black eye. I had 2 year old pics planned when Kendall attacked him. And for the Morris family reunion yesterday, it was a tumble over a chair and into the armoire upstairs. Daddy was there for this one. But naturally Tanner wanted his Mommy, so Tim sent him downstairs to look for me. I was in the shower when he came screaming into the bathroom, snot running out of his nose. I couldn't figure out what was wrong at first, but then he turned and I saw the horrible gash in his left cheek. And then I noticed a scrape on his eyebrow. And what could I do? Nothing. I was in the shower.

So I proceeded to tell him to calm down and that I would be out in just a minute. He didn't believe me, I don't think, because he kept trying to open the door and get in with me. So I tried to hurry. (And of course this was a day when I really needed to shave my legs ... which takes longer ...)

About 4 1/2 minutes later, with nicks and cuts all over my knees, I emerged from the shower. By this time Tanner had a trickle of blood rolling down his cheek. Add that to the tears and snot, and we had a big ole mess on our hands! I grabbed a rag and cleaned him up, then pulled Curious George (our ice pack) from the freezer. He wouldn't let me hold it on his eye, so I had to hold him down,. Then he cried more, ergo, more snot and tears. It was never-ending!

Finally he calmed down. And all I could imagine now was how irritable he was going to be for the rest of the day. He wasn't getting a nap because we would be traveling during nap time. If you remember from the Braves game, no nap is not a good thing for Tannerbug. But we made due.

He actually did very well. He was in good spirits most of the day. Everyone commented on how cute and well behaved he is. And then they had to throw in the occasional, "What happened to his face?" But I think everyone understands that he is a boy, and he 2, so these things are going to happen.

And it is inevitable that these things will happen when we have somewhere to go or pictures to take!

Baby's First Haircut

OK, so she's not a "baby" anymore, but this was her first official haircut. I've been trimming Kendall's hair for 3 years, but she decided she wanted a big girl haircut before she went back to school this year. So I made an appointment for her with Jennie, the girl who does my hair. I've been talking it up for a week, due to the fact that Kendall is so shy around new people. Not to mention that Jennie is tattooed and pierced all over. Not something Kendall is used to seeing.

So yesterday we woke up and got her hair washed (cause you know you have to pay extra for a shampoo). We headed out after lunch. Once we got there, Kendall decided that she wanted me to go first. ???? OK, so Mommy had to get a trim too. That's fine. So she watched as I had my hair trimmed. I kept telling her that it didn't hurt, and that she would look so cute when she got finished. Then it was her turn in the chair.

Uh, yeah. Kendall probably would've been fine had Jennie not picked her up and put her in the chair. Yes, for those of you who know Kendall, you can't touch her at all until she in comfortable with you. (Obviously, this does not bother me; no one will ever be able to kidnap her without a really big, loud fight!!) Once she was settled, Jennie started clipping away. Kendall was so good and so patient. She was holding her lovey in one hand and my finger in the other under the cape the entire time. It was very cute. And in the end, she came out looking like a big girl ... she loves to walk around, bouncing her hair. And last night after her bath, she put on her nightgown and went to pull her hair out of the back, and it wasn't there. She just busted out laughing, like that was the best joke I've ever played on her.

And now I just look at her in amazement. It's strange how just a haircut can change a little girl's personality. And then, to top it all off, after getting a big girl haircut, she slept all night in her bed by herself!! (I'm not counting on this happening again tonight, but you never know!)

So here's the picture of Kendall's new hair cut. She's precious!!!!!

All in the name of fudge!

Well, seeing as it's been a few days or so, and I'm not finding much to talk about today, I guess I should say something about my anniversary trip to Chattanooga. I know all I've talked about is the theft of my rings, but there were some very enjoyable moments Tim and I shared as husband and wife, not Mommy and Daddy.

Day One: We checked into the Chattanoogan, one of the top rated hotels in Chattanooga. It was a very nice room, cute decorations. Best part was that there wasn't a toy in sight! Once we unpacked our stuff (we can't live out of a suitcase), we settled down on the bed and checked out the package of tickets we had also purchased. Our site-seeing tickets, if you will. It was 4 PM, and we had not a thing to do. It felt very strange. No dishes to wash, no laundry to fold, no cat box to clean.

We couldn't just sit in the room, so we decided to go to Ruby Falls and get that out of the way. Ruby Falls, if you've never been, consists of a lonnnnnnnng walk through the tightest, darkest tunnels inside a mountain. Not for the claustro-phobic, for sure. I enjoyed it, but Tim got irritated about halfway though. I enjoy hearing the guides talk about the history of things; it's the teacher in me. The lonnnnnng walk ends with a view of this glorious underground waterfall. And the picture I took actually does look like the postcards!

Best part: Our guide; he was excellent and energetic.

Worst part: The couple in front of us. She had on heels, trying to walk on these slippery rocks. Very irritating!

We had a relaxed dinner at Sticky Fingers, famous for ribs. Delicious!!

Day Two: We woke to a misty rain, so we decided to hit the Tennessee Aquarium and IMAX theatre. I thoroughly enjoyed the aquarium. I found myself thinking several times that the kids would love it. There was tropical rain forest room, complete with a blue hyacinth and sting rays you could touch. Tanner would have loved that. Next we walked through a butterfly solarium, which Kendall would have loved as much as I did. Butterflies were everywhere, flying free. Tim said that they take in injured butterflies and repair their wings. It was really cool. A special new exhibit at the aquarium was the penguin exhibit. MY FAVORITE PART!!. It was just like watching Happy Feet!! They stood on the rocks and performed. They swam. It was awesome. E also saw jellyfish, sharks, and some very interesting fish with strange mouths. The IMAX theatre was a little over-rated, I thought. We saw a movie about whales and sharks. The 3D aspect of it was lacking a little for me. But pretty informative; sort of a special service announcement for saving the whales. After our tours, we decided on dinner at the Big River Grille and Brewing Company. They brew their own beer, so we had some yummy samples. I got to feel like a grown-up for a few hours and just enjoy my husband's company.

Day Three: It was still a little misty in the morning, so we thought we would hit the Warehouse Outlet across the street. Ummm, we think it was under renovation because there were only two stores. We were very irritated to pay 4 dollars for parking and not even get to buy anything. After lunch, the rain had passed so went to Rock City. I LOVED Rock City. It was a lot of walking, but a lot of fun things to look at. There was a swinging bridge, some fun gaps in the rocks with names like "Needle's Eye," and a romantic spot called "Lover's Leap."

Best part: A tie between the view of the Seven States and Mother Goose Village.

Worst part: Only one place to eat real food, and the line was very long with no air-conditioning. (Also, this was the day that my rings were stolen from our hotel room, but that's another story most of you have heard!) After the trip to Rock City, we were tired, but still wanted to "experience" Chattanooga. But we also wanted beer ... so where did we go? Taco Mac. We sat at the bar for hours, drinking beer and eating queso and then wings. I haven't ever done that!! It was great!

Day Four: We packed our things and headed out. Naturally, we stopped at the outlets in Calhoun and spent entirely too much money on our children. And the looks on my children's faces when we got home was priceless!! I don't want to leave them again for a really long time!

Lasting impressions from the trip? What did I learn? I learned that I should always wear my wedding rings! I learned that most residents of Chattanooga are overweight because the only thing there is to do there is eat! I learned that Tim and I actually still have things to talk about. I learned that we still enjoy each other's company and are still very much in love.

It's check up day for the Morris babies

Ugh. I hate these days. I know kids have to go to the doctor. I know they have to have check ups to make sure everything is working correctly. And I know they have to get shots.

So, here's my question: Why do shots hurt me more than them?????

The morning started off pretty well. Kendall and I got up earlier than normal just to make sure her slow breakfast didn't make us late. (She always eats slower when we have somewhere to be.) We made coffee, took our vitamins, got Tanner up, ate our Kashi bars, got dressed, packed Tanner's Digger book and Kendall's Leapster. We were out the door by 8:40 (amazing!!). We made it to the doctor's office, where our appointment was at 9 AM. Apparently, it was also 5 other families' appointment times as well.

Tell me this -- why do some families feel like mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa have to come to the doctor's appointments? Along with the 4 kids in the family? Our doctor doesn't have a very big waiting room, so I made Tanner sit in my lap and Kendall stood next to me while we waited -- for 40 minutes. And I hate waiting!! But the kids were really well behaved with the expectation of a sticker in their heads.

Once we were called back, everyone was checked. I filled out papers. The kids hopped on one foot and answered questions for the doctor. Tanner even had his toe pricked without a tear. He was more excited about the band-aid than anything! Then, the doctor let a word slip -- "Shots."

Uh oh. Tanner needed one, and Miss Kendall needed four. Aye yi yi. So I prepped them. We pulled loveys out of the bag, we went potty, and we tried all forms of distraction. The nurse seemed to take FOREVER coming back with the syringes. Once back, Tanner climbed up and took his shot like a champ. He didn't even blink! So I think Kendall thought it wasn't going to hurt. But it did -- she was crying before the needles even went in. Of course, I had to hold her down, and I really don't like that at all. So I'm holding her arms down, looking into her little brown eyes, swimming with tears. What loving mommy wouldn't sympathize? Naturally, I started bawling right along with her!!!

A few minutes later, with red eyes, we all left our room, with band-aids to show battle wounds. Yes, even Tanner was crying once Kendall started. It's so sweet how he cries when she does! They are both fine now, and luckily no more shots for at least another year!!

FYI -- Tanner, my baby boy, now weighs in at a whopping 32 lbs. and is 36 inches tall. My sweet angel Kendall weighs 40 lbs. and is 42 inches tall. I can't believe they were 9 lbs. and 7 lbs. when they were born. (sigh ...)

And I got my new cell phone finally ... and it is insured this time!

A Happy Birthday Weekend

What a fantastic weekend we had here at our home! First, as you know, I received the good news about my rings (well, police report for my rings) on Friday. Then Saturday was the glorious second birthday party for my little monster. And what a beautiful day it was! We welcomed family for lunch, some of Tim's famous butt. If you haven't had it, you need to. So we ate lunch and opened some presents. Naturally, Tanner stocked up on all things boy -- a toolbench, a tricycle, tons of tools, cars and trucks, and a rug to roll them around on. He was in HOG HEAVEN. Kendall had a hard time understanding why I wouldn't let her open the presents, but she was a pretty good sport about the whole thing. Of course, for the past 24 hours now all I've heard is, "Tanner, do you want your lovey? Here. Now I can have your ____ (fill in the blank)." That statement is always followed by one of 3 things: screaming, crying, or foot stomping.

Yes, this is a new 2-year-old thing, I think. The stomping. The first few times it was was really cute, but not so much now. Anyway, after opening his presents he went down for a nap, and then we had the rest of the day as a family. Lunch birthday parties are the way to do it!! So Saturday afternoon, Tim and Tanner worked on the pocket rocket (it was leaking gas fumes). Kendall and I worked on scrapbook. Lots of fun! The kids retired early with visions of the baseball park dancing in their heads.

That night I was exhausted. Kendall hasn't been letting me sleep much -- just as I fall asleep, she slides her foot up next to my leg or she throws her baby doll at me and it hits me in the head. All while sleeping. So ... without much sleep for the last week and a successful birthday party completed, my energy reserves were depleted. Tim and I settled into our bed just as Kendall came toddling in the room. Here we go again ...

But Sunday morning we all woke and dressed for the Braves game. That's right, people, Kendall and Tanner have now officially endured their first baseball game. And it was in 97 degree heat!!! At one o'clock in the afternoon! Amazingly, they did very well. Probably better than their mommy. It was so hot ... we stripped Tanner's shirt off, slapped on the sunscreen, poured bottles of water everywhere, and moved into the shade every time the sun moved. The kids were sooooo good -- Kendall never complained, not even when her Crocs gave her blisters all over her feet. Tanner was happy, but very tired by 2 PM. So at 2:30, he finally crashed in my lap. Though twitching and snoring, he slept through a ton of tomahawk chopping and whistling. After the game, Tim carried Tanner and I carried Kendall a mile back to our car. (And you all wonder where I get these guns from?!!!) I think that is an example of mind over matter ... Kendall is almost as big as me, so I'm sure we looked really funny walked down the road. But we made it.

It was a fun family day.

And we all slept like logs last night. Well, until Kendall came toddling in the bedroom ...

See what all you new mommies have to look forward to?!! ;)

Thank God for Officer MacNahann!

Update on the ring situation:

On Friday morning, I called the Chattanooga police dept. and the woman I talked to on the phone said that, indeed, they COULD file my report over the phone, I would just have to drive there to pick up a hard copy. That's fine, no problem! So I waited around all day for this woman to call me back and give me a complaint number. Meanwhile, I checked with our insurance agent to make sure that I didn't need a hard copy to file the theft on insurance. She said the complaint number was fine for now.

So I waited ... and waited ...

Then the natives were growing restless, so we got on the swimsuits and headed to the pool.

And, naturally, the police called while we were at the pool. And she couldn't call my cell because, if you remember, I flushed my cell a few weeks ago. Anyway, when we got home, I quickly called the police dept. back. And lo and behold, guess who answered!!

The rude, mean officer I spoke to earlier this week. Here's our conversation (he obviously has not brushed up on his people skills since we last spoke!):

Officer: Chattanooga Police Department.
Distraught victim of Theft (me): Hi, I called earlier today and was told that someone would call me back with a complaint number for my theft. Someone called while we were out of the house.
O: Who did you talk to, ma'am?
Me: No one left a message, I just saw the number on the ID.
O: What was this theft involving?
Me: My wedding rings.
O: And where were the stolen?
Me: The Chattanoogan Hotel.
O: Ma'am, didn't I talk to you last week?
Me: Yes, but I have since talk--
O: I thought I told you to call the downtown precinct.
Me: I have -- 12 times. And no one has called me back.
O: Yeah, they won't call you back. You just have to catch 'em. If you call right at 6, they will answer.
(This was at 5:46, and I needed to go get dinner for my family. We're on a very strict dinner schedule!!)
Me: So I'm just supposed to sit around and call every 5 minutes?
O: Yes, just about.
Me: Well, I talked to someone earlier and she told me that I could file over the phone and she would all me back and give me a complaint number today.
O: Well, I don't know who you talked to, but she was wrong.
Me: Great so now what do I do?
O: Well, it's about 6, so you should probably get off the phone with me and call the downtown precinct.
Me: Thanks.
(Click.)

Yeah, so much for public service, right?!!

So I sit around for a few minutes, fuming, and at 5:55, my phone rang. It was the angel of mercy from the Chattanoogan Police Department, Officer MacNahann!!

He sweetly explained that because the theft was over $500, it is considered a felony and they aren't supposed to take it over the phone. However, since I had already returned home, he would do it over the phone. I told him that I could come pick up the hard copy, upon which he told me that I didn't have to do that at all! If I call Monday, they can mail it to me!!

So this wonderful man put up with my starving children screaming in the background long enough to take my complaint over the phone, and he sympathized with me over the loss of my wedding rings. He was kind, and thoughtful, and patient. He has restored my faith in the police department of Chattanooga!!!

Thank you, Officer MacNahann!!!!

We're being invaded!!!!

Ewww, ewwwww, and EWWWWWW! I think my house is being invaded by body snatchers disguised as the most disgusting spiders I've ever seen!!! Last week Kendall and Tanner were outside playing on the deck, riding their cars around the patio table (their racetrack) when Kendall came in screaming. I thought she had been stung, she was gasping for breath and sobbing. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, so I ran outside and asked Tanner.

For those of you who have a 2 year old boy, you know how comical this scene probably was to outsiders.

I asked, "Tanner, what happened to Sissy?"

"I ride my bisisle (bicycle)."

"I see that Tannerbug. Did you bite Sissy?"

"Yep. I sowwy, Sissy."

So I check for bite marks because he has been biting lately. But it's usually when they are both tired and trying to play with the same toys. I found no bite marks.

Kendall was still screaming.

So back outside I go.

"Tanner, what happened to Sissy?"

"See Piderweb (spiderweb), Mommy? Yukk!"

I looked at the window where Tanner was pointing and saw a HUGE, GINORMOUS black spider. You can probably guess what happened next.

"AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Now I know why Kendall was screaming!! So I had to form a plan of attack. I couldn't just leave it there; the kids were playing. The man of the house (though worthless when is comes to spiders) was at work. So I had to put on my big girl pants and figure this out.

First, I grabbed the broom. Bad idea. Apparently, I forgot spiderwebs are sticky.

Next, I tried just banging on the wall to get it to jump down, you know, committing suicide. That didn't work. It was as if the spider was just hanging there, laughing at my efforts.

Last, I decided just to swing at it, bare handed. That's right, folks, I'm a hero!! Supermom! Luckily, the spider wasn't as sticky as the web!! It fell to the deck, but then I had nothing to smash it with, so we chased into the cracks between the deck boards where it got lodged and, I suppose, died of starvation!! Hooray for Supermom and her band of followers!

Not to be outdone, I believe the spiders family and friends have all set up camp around my home, trying to hold us hostage. I have since spotted 4 of these spiders. The biggest one we found today, hanging outside the kitchen window. Do you know how hard it is to eat with that thing hanging there??

So I need another plan, a GOOD plan, to be rid of the growing number of spiders ... I have checked online, and they are not poisonous, as I first suspected. They are just really big and really ugly. Garden spiders, I believe, which is hilarious because I couldn't grow a garden if I tried! Mom suggested ant and roach spray. Maybe I'll try that.

Anyway, here's a glimpse of our, ummm, housemates. Warning: Not for the weak of stomach!!