Absolutely fed up!!

That's it. I've made a decision. I am going to stop sleeping in the bed with Kendall. Tonight is the night. For sure. I don't care what it takes. I'm gonna do it.

I know. You're skeptical. "She's said this before," you're thinking. And I have. Several times, in fact, over the last 2 years. Yes, it's been 2 years and some months since the whole co-sleeping thing started. The pediatrician told me early on that co-sleeping was a safe idea; but I'm sure she meant for the baby, not for the pre-schooler!

Now I know that about 70% of American parents of pre-schoolers are "going through the same thing." Not true. Because if there were 70% of parents going through this, there would be more cases of child abuse! (I'm absolutely kidding about that. I would never hurt my little girl just because she wants to sleep with me.) And many parents are going through this and think it is perfectly fine; that there is no problem with sharing the bed with your child. But when does it stop????? When Kendall started this, she was 2 months shy of being two years old. We were in the process of moving, and I was 8 months pregnant with tanner. So I understood then. There was a lot going on ... she was unsure ... things felt unstable. So when she started pole-vaulting out of her crib, we decided to just move her to toddler and bed and then a bigger bed. "Ohhh, she'll stay there," they all said. "It's all about consistency." Hmmm.

So for 2 months, even though I was hugely pregnant, I was consistent. Kendall would cry at bedtime, jump out of her crib or bed as soon as I left the room, and I would hoist her up over my belly and put her back in bed. Again and again this would happen. Finally, I was just too pregnant and too tired to deal with it. I spent a few hours on her floor sleeping next to her toddler bed. Yeah, that was fun. So we put her in a big bed so I could just get in bed with her to get her back to sleep. And then I would go back to my bed. Sounds like a great plan, right????? I talked to several of my mommy friends, and they were going through the same things, so I just figured it was a phase and she would grow out of it.

Now, 2 years later, I'm wondering. I don't think it's a phase anymore. More like a habit. I thought for a while that she sleep walking or that she had sleep apnea. Nope, all been checked out. For a few months she would come running out of her room screaming for me. Now she just gets up out of her bed and quietly enters my room. For a few months she would sleep with Daddy in the bed in our room. This was when Tanner came along and I had to tend to him as well every two hours. Now, she only wants me. So if I happen to be in Tanner's room because he had a bed dream, all hell breaks loose when Kendall can't find me in my room. I just don't know what to do anymore!! I know my mom and MIL are so tired of hearing me complain about it, as are Stacey and Karen, I'm sure! "Just do something, already," I can practically hear their brains saying though they are listening so intently.

So that's why I'm gonna do it tonight. Even though Kendall has school tomorrow and will probably be sleeping away from home this weekend for at least one night. At least that night I'll get some sleep!

Just in case you don't feel sorry enough for me, here's what the last 3 nights have been like at the Morris house:

8 PM - both kids in bed, Kendall asleep, Tanner crying for Mommy. I go back in to rock him one more time before he'll give up.
8:30 PM - Both kids down, Tim and I watching TV; peace and quiet abounds.
10 PM - Tim and I retire to our bed.
11:15 PM (and this time varies) - Kendall toddles into my room. She checks the clock to see if it's morning (yes, she does), and then I get up and carry her back to her room. I crawl in bed with her. She goes right back to sleep, as do I.
12:45 AM - Tanner wakes, screaming for me. "Mommy, I wanna rock rock." So I go in, afraid that he will wake Kendall. I rock him for a few minutes, and he goes back in his crib. I go to the restroom and head back into Kendall's room. ( I know, you're wondering why I don't go back to my bedroom. Because sometimes Tanner screams for a little while before passing out, and I figure that he will wake Kendall anyway, so I might as well just stay in her room.)
2 AM - Kendall wakes me up by whispering, "Mommy. Mommy. Are you sleeping?" in my ear. Well, I was ...
4:30 AM - Tanner wakes up again. Good God, is he teething???? Does he have an ear infection?????? (this is very out of the ordinary. Tanner usually sleeps like a rock for 13 hours. Occasionally, he goes through this and we just have to let him cry it out. So that's what he will be doing tonight while Kendall is screaming in her room.)
5:30 AM - Tim gets me up from Kendall's bed when he leaves for work. We have to do this so that I can be in our room in case Snickers or Sugar tries to go in there. Sugar pees on the bed. And sometimes Snickers needs to go out. I don't mind because these are the best 2 hours of sleep I get!
7 - 7:30 AM - Kendall enters, raring to go. I am still completely out of it because I haven't gotten more than 2 hours straight of sleep all night long. I thought I would be done with this once Tanner was out of the baby stage????? Apparently not.

So if you didn't feel sorry for me before, you do now. Or maybe you re inspired that I still like to even be around my kids all day after dealing with them all night long. Or maybe you think I'm an IDIOT for letting this go on this long. (If you feel that way, I agree.) So no more Mrs. Nice Mom tonight. I mean it. Super Nanny says to just pick them up, put them back in bed, and walk out. No matter how many times you have to do it. So that's what we'll do. We meaning me ...