Just go away ---

I have got to be the worst mom in the world right now. Really. I mean I had an entire "break" when we went to the beach. My kids went to Nana's on Saturday night and I got an adult night of watching football. But, for some reason, I'm feeling very on edge today. Of course, I'm writing this at 5 PM, which is usually the beginning of the "witching hour" at our house. Tanner never seems to be all that happy in the afternoons after his naps. He usually wakes up (or I wake him) around 3, but the hours between nap and bedtime creep by. He wants to be held all the time ... he wants to eat snacks all the time ... And then there's Kendall. Little miss sunshine -- not really. Since school started, the days have been better. I pick her up at 1 and we come home, put Tanner down, and then she usually watches a movie or we color for a little while. I know I should go out of my way to spend some quality on-on-one time with her during this 2 hour period, but at the same time I feel like I owe it to myself to get a break during this time. People who don't stay home all day just don't realize ... and I know it sounds whiny ... I should be appreciative that I am able to stay home with my two wonderful children. I should feel blessed that I get to spend every waking minute with Tanner ...
But ...
well, I don't. Let me be totally honest here. Around 5 PM is when I start watching the clock. This is the time when we are usually looking forward to Daddy coming home. Though I still don't get much of a break (he gets home at the beginning of the dinner-bath-bed whirlwind), the kids are so happy to see him when he walks in the door. I only wish they were as happy to see me all the time! I suppose the reason these last few days have been so rough is because Tim has been working doubles. He goes in at 6 AM and doesn't get home until around 10 or 11 PM. So not only have the kids not seen him in two days, but I've had to deal with all the fallout. Kendall is extra tired because she hasn't been sleeping (again -- surprise, right?). I am recovering from 2 days worth of headache. I don't even want to cook when Tim isn't here; it's so much easier just to eat cereal or something. And then, after the kids go to bed, I have to sit down and look at the mess of a house I'm living in. I know Tim has to work ... because I "don't" ... hmmm ... and he has to work while he has work. Who knows when the work may run out. It's just tough doing everything on your own. I don't know how single moms do it!!!!
What has made these days so bad? Why am I feeling so down? There are glimmers of happiness every day ... and we have a very busy week after today ... so maybe I'm just in a rut. I see that I'm not explaining it very well (though I know some of you are sitting there and nodding because you know exactly what I'm trying to say). Maybe I just wish I got a little more appreciation? I wish my kids would eat the food I make for them. I wish they would be nicer to each other. I wish they would do it the first time ("it" meaning whatever I asked them to do 50 times). I wish they would appreciate the things they have more. But how do you explain that to a 2 and a 4 year old? Yeah, they are pretty self-centered, though this reads like I am the selfish one. (OK, so I am.) Maybe we just need some fresh air.
Yeah, that's it -- we're going outside ...
And then to Taco Bell -- A bean burrito always cures the grumps!!

Blackout Bama!!

So today is THE BLACKOUT... and I'm so very excited!! I've passed the kids off to Nana, and Tim and I are looking farward to watching the game in surround sound with some neighbors. I bought my Little Black T-shirt ... my kids are even dressed in their GA garb, though Kendall insists she will not be watching football. Though I'm super excited about this game, I'm also a little sad. When we play Bama, it always brings back some memories of growing up with a dad who was, quite possibly, one of the biggest Bama fans ever. He was raised on Crimson Tide ... my grandfather's basement was decorated with pictures of Bear Bryant and famous players of the past. Josh and I both had Alabama T-shirts from the age of 2 (Kendall is wearing mine in this picture from January!) I used to listen to my dad quote statistics on the players for Alabama every Saturday. I remember him yelling at the TV during football games if things didn't go his way ... or even when they did. And I remember thinking when I was accepted to the University of Georgia that my daddy was gonna have such a hard time adapting to red and black. He had been crimson for so long!! But he took it all in stride. He began wearing his Georgia Dad t-shirts and sweatshirts proudly. He put his Georgia Christmas tree ornaments in the front and allowed the Alabama ones to move to the back. I was so very happy that my dad was willing to root for a team he never dreamed of liking. Luckily, UGA did not play Bama in football when he was still alive, for I am certain that it would have forced him to make a very difficult decision. However, he always looked better in black than in crimson, so perhaps he'd be wearing his black right alongside me today!! And he'd be yelling, "Go Dawgs" for sure!!!

Reflections -- Look how far we've come!!

I'm feeling very nostalgic this morning.

A friend from high school who I have recently reconnected with had a baby yesterday ... her second. When I saw the video and pictures this morning, it took me back to when I was going through the same experience. Many things about Kendall's "babyhood" I don't remember. Some people say I have blocked it out because it was so hard. I certainly have blocked out her birth. I only remember snippets of my labor and delivery, so I suppose I am lucky to have a few pictures from June 16, 2004. I went into the hospital on June 13 for an induction. I had been fighting with high blood pressure my entire pregnancy, and the doctor decided it was time to get her out before anything got worse. So I was prepared ... for the cervadil, for the pitocin, for the birthing ball. I had watched A Baby Story and Birth Day for a month on bed rest ... I was READY. My "labor" didn't really start until day two, but once it started it was on, full force. I wanted to walk around and sit on that ball (which was wonderful, by the way), so I put off the epidural until the last minute. I made it to 8 cm when the midwife informed me that this was my last chance; if I went any further, I wouldn't be able to get the drugs. So after fighting through two more contraction and a fit of nausea, I decided on the epidural. Shortly after, I was comfortable and dilated 10 cm. Ready for go time. And go time it was.

So we pushed. And we pushed. And when I say "we," I mean WE. I pushed, Tim pushed, the midwife pushed ... but, after 3 hours, nothing seemed to be working. Apparently, Kendall was sunny side up, and she was lodged behind a broken tailbone I never knew about. The midwife called the doctor in, and she quickly explained that it had been almost 24 hours since my water had been broken (blah blah) and that we needed to get the baby out. "You need to sign this consent ..." (blah blah) I didn't hear anything else except, "OK, Hun, we're going to have to push her back in." WHAT?!!!! Those of you who have never experienced anything like this, it's worse than the contractions!! And my epidural was wearing off by this time. So the doc did what she had to do, I screamed ... and basically had to clench my thighs together (not easy to do after holding that "position" for 3 hours) to keep Kendall in. They wheeled me through the waiting area to an OR. I hugged my mom and dad, and told them how sorry I was that I couldn't do it. (I think I was delirious.) About an hour later, Kendall was here by way of Cesarean section. 7 lbs. 3 oz. I remember seeing her when they were cleaning her up and then I was out. I asked Tim later if they knocked me out; he says I just passed out from exhaustion. When I woke up, I was in recovery, and my daughter was perfect. A slight cone head was present, but it faded after time. My darling precious girl was here ... and we thought our lives were complete.

As Kendall approached her first birthday, the second itch began. I knew we wanted another baby. I really wanted a boy. Those of you who say you didn't care one way or the other as long as the baby was healthy -- well, I think you are fibbing. I wanted a boy. My whole family is girls. I have 6 nieces between my two brothers. And then there was Kendall. So now was the time. Tim and I knew that this was it ... the last try ... neither of us wanted more than two children.

So we got pregnant without much effort; we're very lucky, I suppose. Around my 20th week, my doctor started talking to me about VBAC. I already knew that I wanted another C-section; I had already done the pushing thing ... so we checked our calendars and scheduled Tanner's birth for August 4, 2006. How nice is that?? Tanner's birth was much smoother than Kendall's, obviously. This is what the pictures I saw this morning reminded me of. Waiting patiently in the room in that gorgeous hospital gown, blood pressure cuff on. Tim in his scrubs. The oxygen in my nose. The doctor talking to me during the delivery. It was so much more pleasant. And Tanner was here just like that. 8 lbs. 10 oz. And nothing made me happier than seeing Tim holding his son for the first time.

And now here we are. 8 years of marriage, a 4 year old in preschool and a 2 year old toddler. So seeing all of my friends now with their first or their second babies makes me think about those times ... learning how to work a breast pump ... figuring out how to mix formula ... trying to work that silly bottle warmer in the middle of the night ... deciding which advice I wanted to follow and which advice I wanted throw out ... learning by instinct ... They have so much to look forward to. And when I listen to them talk about how they are ready for the babies to start "doing stuff," I want to tell them to enjoy this time ... hold onto it. It will go by so quickly and then the memories will fade. The important things are still there ... but after a few years you forget the smell of a newborn ... you forget what their cry sounds like in the night ... and those sweet moments are what makes having a baby worth it.

So love those babies!! And then you will appreciate them growing up so much more.

Girls vs. Boys

Just in case you're thinking this is going to be some warm and fuzzy comparison of my two gorgeous children, let me warn you. It's not. This is the story of a dinner conversation between a wonderful, understanding mommy, her talkative, studious preschooler, and her newly curious toddler.

Over burritos, quesadillas, and refried beans tonight, my children proceeded to have a conversation of which I was not, at first, a part of. I was getting all the food on the table (which takes a bit longer when Tim has to work late). Because we were having left overs, everything came to the table at different times. I have to place the plates, push them to the middle of the table so Snickers can't get to them, and then go back for silverware. (If I put silverware down first, Tanner proceeds to gouge holes in my kitchen table with his fork.) So while I was getting milk for the kids and a much needed beer for myself (yes, drinking "alone," but not really), I overheard Kendall and Tanner talking ... having a real conversation. I've heard them do this before ... when they are playing or when Tanner first wakes up in the morning and Kendall goes in to greet him. It really is so sweet the way they talk to each other 80% of the time. (The other 20% is pure torture as they scream and yell at each other. You moms of two or more know what this is like.) Usually I hear Kendall explaining how Tanner has said something wrong or showing him how to perform some task he has not yet mastered. This evening's dinner conversation was one that has been addressed before with Kendall -- the differences between girls and boys.

Yes, this difference becomes apparent very early to siblings. I suppose because they bathe together and often see each other in the buff, the physical differences are obvious. So as I listened, I heard Kendall telling Tanner the following things about girls:

1) Girls are prettier than boys.

2) Girls read better than boys.

3) Girls have little boobies, and boys have little boobies, but one day girls will have big boobies, like Mommy. Boys will always have little boobies. (Thank goodness someone thinks they are big!!)

4) Girls have teeth that fall out. (Not sure where that one came from.)

5) Girls have a tu-tus.

Apparently, the last point was the one that caught Tanner's attention because he quickly piped up, "I no have no tu-tu. I has wee-wee." This is where Kendall decided she needed to tell Tanner how boys are different from girls.

1) Boys smell different and old.

2) Boys wear socks with their shoes. (I'm assuming this is because she is wearing sandals and Crocs right now and has forgotten that she, too, wears socks with her tennis shoes.)

3) Boys go to work, and girls stay home with the babies.

4) Boys run faster and play football.

5) Boys are louder and don't raise their hands.

6) Boys have wee-wees.

I tried to let them finish, but I was also trying to hold back the fits of laughter. Where do they get this stuff? And the funniest part was that Tanner was GLUED to her every word!! Just hanging, waiting to see what she would say next, as if he was taking mental notes. He was even shaking his head every once in a while and agreeing with her, as if to say, "Hmmmm, very interesting, Sissy."

So as I approached the table, I had to intercede. I asked Kendall what they were talking about, and she looked at Tanner and said, "Well, Tanner, tell her what I taught you today." I wear, that's really what she said!! Here's the recap of Tanner's mental notes (and I was actually surprised I got this much from him.)

"I a boy. I has wee-wee. Sissy a grrrd (girl). She have tu-tu. Daddy a boy. He big boy. He have wee-wee, too. Mommy a grrrd. You big grrrd. You has big boobies."

I tried not to laugh ... I want him to feel encouraged ... but it was hard!! He told me this while shoveling his taco in his mouth. Like it was nothing. I don't know if I was more surprised by the topic of conversation or the fact that he remembered that much of what he told her.

As I'm reading this back I see that my shock and amazement is not coming through at all ... but hopefully you got a little tickle over it!

I finally did it ... again.

So after our trip to the beach and watching Tanner's "wings" expand in the humidity, Tim and I decided to get a real haircut for Tanner. Tim got online and found a haircut he liked, and I took Tanner for a cut today. Naturally, he wanted Sissy to go first, even though she just got her hair cut!! So she got her hair trimmed to "look like Mommy's" while Tanner got his wings shaved off.

While the hairdresser shaved, I sobbed, watching his precious blond curls fall to the floor. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. I attempted to catch each and every curl in my hand, tears streaming down my face. It was awful. I kept apologizing, and the hairdresser told me that it happens all the time. So I felt better ... a little. Before I knew it, the deed was done. It took such a short time to cut it off after waiting for so long for it to grow.

So now Tanner is so proud of his big boy haircut. He loved the way he could feel the "shunshine" on his neck when we were outside. He loved that I didn't have to blow dry his hair before bed to keep it tame. He really loves that his hair can be shaped into a mohawk in the bathtub. And now he's not a baby anymore. When I ask him, he now says, "No, Mommy. I Mommy's big boy."

I just can't believe he's growing up ...

There's No Place Like Home

We have returned ... from our gorgeous beach weather ... our live-in babysitter for the week ... our unlimited kid entertainment venues ... our 3-beers-a-day and eat whatever you want vacation. It was great. Really. The drive down was pretty quick. The kids behaved well while watching movies in the back seat. Tanner was still a little sick, so he probably could have felt a little better, but you never would've known he was sick. Of course the first day is always rough. We get in around dinner time, eat dinner at a restaurant because we don't want fast food, and then hit the Publix to buy groceries. By the time we got in our room, the kids were CRAZY with fatigue. It was late, they were both still on antibiotics, but it was all good. Everyone crashed, slept well, and then our vacation began!!

I always have a hard time on vacations because I want to stick to our "schedule" as much as I can -- waking up, lunch, snacks, nap time, baths and bedtime. But it's so easy to just go with the flow when you are at the beach!! Tanner slept late every morning, til about 9 or 9:30. He usually wakes at 7:30 or so. We would drink our coffee and eat breakfast, no one wanting the same thing, naturally! Tanner always wanted "cancakes" and donuts. Kendall always wanted yogurt and cereal. I don't let them make decisions like this at home -- everyone eats the same thing. So breakfast was a treat.

In the mornings after breakfast we would get ready for sunshine time -- castle making at the beach or swimming in the ginormous swimming pool. For those of you who have kids, you know about the ordeal of suiting, sunscreening, packing, and hauling. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like it's worth it!! But once I saw Tanner in that sand for the first time, I knew it WAS worth it!!! Though the beach was disgusting from the storms, we still enjoyed the sand and the water. Kendall had fun looking for sea shells, of which there were plenty. One day Tim and the kids tried to fly a cheap little kite -- it was fun! Pool time was just as much fun ... except Tanner didn't really seem into it. It took us 4 days to decide that, as long as he had his lovey, he was content. So, yes, our son swam with his lovey ... IN the swimming pool. The most exciting part of the swimming was that Kendall is swimming now!!! Under water!!! I am so proud of her!! She was like a little fish by the end of the week!

After nap, we had play time. The condo has a huge indoor playground for the kids. Slides, tubes, rope swings, zip lines -- the whole nine yards. This is where the kids really had the most fun, I think. (And I think Tim had a lot of fun in there too!) We let them play there and wear themselves out before we headed upstairs for dinner and the rest of the night, just like at home. Kendall slept with Mom, Tanner slept in his own room, and I slept in the bed with Tim every night!! It was HEAVEN!!

Highlights of the week:

* The animal show-- baby alligators, snakes, hairy spiders-- what's not to love?!

* Tanner climbing out of hi pack-n-play the first morning and coming out of the room saying, "I got up, Mommy." He was very proud of himself!

* Tim cooking dinner (and me burning it)

* Our family dinner night where Tanner LOVED his calamari "french fries"

* The most beautiful weather we could have asked for!

* The one afternoon Tim and I got by ourselves at the pool right before we left -- when we realized that life without kids is really boring!

* Getting to enjoy my kids again because I didn't have to worry about cleaning up after them, returning phone calls, doing laundry, or washing dishes.

The drive home on Saturday was not as wonderful as the drive there, but when is it ever? I think the kids almost made Mom crazy!! They just couldn't wait to get out of the car!! And now we're home, thankfully, well-rested and happy. And tan. :)

What is the big deal??!!!

OK, I'm going to go out on a limb here and post about something that has been bothering me some time now -- my weight.

Now before you all freak out on me, I'm not saying that my current weight bothers me. I'm saying that it bugs me that other people are having such an issue with it. I have constantly heard over the last few months, "You don't need to lose anymore weight," or "Are you still trying to lose weight?" I asked Tim the other night if he thinks I'm too skinny ... of course not. I ask my mom because she will be the first to tell me if I start to look unhealthy. She thinks I'm OK. Please don't think I'm that I'm fishing for compliments here. Let me explain why this topic is so bothersome for me.

For those of you who knew me in high school, you remember what I looked like in a cheerleading outfit. While I always thought my thighs were big, looking back I should have been happy with my 115 lbs. But there were always thinner girls around ... anyway, when I went to college, all of my physical activity stopped. I had been cheering year-round since 6th grade. This had a huge impact on my metabolism. Living in the dorms and eating at the dining hall and sorority house (LOVE MS. ELLA!!!!!) did not help. So at summer break of my first year of college I had packed on not the freshman 15, but 25 lbs. I carried that 25 around for 4 years ... and added some more along the way. Tim and I had our wedding date set for July 2000, and when I went to try on my wedding dress after being altered, it wouldn't zip.

Oh Lord. This is every bride's worst nightmare. So I decided that I was going to do the Atkins Diet until the wedding. No carbs. I ate eggs, bacon, burgers with no bun, green vegetables (translation: green beans because I don't like anything else!) and cheese for 2 months. It was successful; I lost 20 lbs. But I still can't eat bacon to this day! And naturally, the first year of marriage, it came right back, plus some.

Fast forward to 2003 -- I find out I'm pregnant with Kendall. "Hooray," I think. I can eat whatever I want because I'm preggers!! AND I DID!! We had Mexican once a week, Coldstone Creamery almost twice every week, and Grilled Stuft Burritos once a week. By the end of my pregnancy, I had gone from 130 lbs. to 195 lbs. Yes, people, that's on a 5'1" frame. I also had been placed on bed rest due to hypertension, which didn't help with the weight gain.

Like all pregnant women who know nothing about childbirth, I expected to lose at least half of my 65 lbs. when I left the hospital. Ummmmm, no. After 3 days of labor and an emergency C-section (during which they had been pumping me full of fluids), I only lost 10 lbs. How is that possible? I gave birth to a 7 pound baby!! I was terribly frustrated ... many of you remember this feeling. So I got home and started planning my workouts and new diet. Of course, I couldn't do anything for at least 6 weeks due to the incision in my abdomen. After that, the leisurely walks I had planned with my baby in her stroller were NOT HAPPENING. Have you ever tried to walk with one of those travel systems??? Uh, no thanks. So I proceeded to put off the weight loss.

Fast forward again to November of 2005 -- I found a picture my mom took in the kitchen of her old house. I was standing sideways, in my skinny size 10 jeans. It was the beginning of November ... and I had finally lost all of my baby weight!! And at Thanksgiving dinner it felt really good to have everyone tell me how good I looked. Little did I know I was about 3 weeks pregnant. Sooooo ...

When pregnant with Tanner, I decided I was NOT going to gain as much weight as I did with Kendall. I tried to really watch what I was eating. And it helped that I was chasing Kendall around and not on bed rest. Makes a huge difference!! I also wanted to make sure I didn't have high blood pressure again. At this point I could walk with Kendall in a stroller, and I tried to as much as my body could handle it. At the end of my pregnancy I had gone form 130 to 165 lbs. A huge improvement!! And after Tanner was born, I knew I was going to have to do something to lose the weight. Fast. I had been unhappy with the way I looked for so long. So in January, when I had only dropped down to 155 lbs, I signed up for Weight Watchers after a friend told me she had started and lost 15 lbs. eating Taco Bell every day. Sounds like the diet for me!!!!

Most of you have heard me sing the praises of WW until you're probably tired of hearing about it. I've recommended the program to everyone who says they want to lose weight. And while I didn't attend many meetings (difficult with my 2 year old and newborn), I found the program very easy to follow. I counted my points, wrote everything I put in my mouth down in my little points tracker, drank tons of water, and took my vitamins. I tried not to draw from my 35 bonus points. That's it. Most people don't believe this, but I didn't exercise at all. But I followed the program without fail. And it is a lifestyle change; you learn how to stop eating when you are almost full ... you learn how to judge what is a good portion size ... you learn to make better choices with your food ... and that stuff sticks in your brain. My mom used to joke around that I could tell you the points of every piece of food from memory. Of course, I can tell you how much a portion of chicken is, or a hamburger from McD's, or a taco salad from Taco Bell. And, by the, when I look back at what I was eating when I was pregnant with Kendall, I'm not surprised I had high blood pressure. A bowl of ice cream at Coldstone with no toppings (and how good is that?!) is around 11 points. A grilled stuft burrito is 35 points. That is more than a day's worth of points just in the burrito!!!!! Yikes!!!!

So now it's a year and a half later. I started WW at 157 lbs. I'm now 42 lbs. lighter. WOW!! I haven't calculated the total weight loss ... that's pretty amazing. And am I still trying to lose? No. Am I still "doing" WW? I guess so; it's not a diet that you can "do." It really is a lifestyle change! Once you get to the weight you want, you know how to regulate it. I don't have to write anything down anymore. But I still pay attention to what I eat. My weight fluctuates within 5 pounds. I'm unhappy with anything else. I threw away my old clothes just to make sure I don't go back to my old eating habits! (That's a tip from WW, by the way.)

Personally, I like the way I look now. Of course, I still don't like the way my stomach looks in a swimsuit. But I've had two kids!! That skin has been stretched and pulled ... it won't ever be what it was in high school. I am not obsessed with my weight. I get on the scale every morning. It's how I keep myself in check, but I don't cry if I've gained a pound. I am ECSTATIC with how I look in my clothes. I am smaller now that when I got married. I am very proud of myself ... I set a goal and I achieved it. So why do other people have such an issue with it?

Just to set the record straight--

I am not anorexic. Never could be -- I LOVE to eat. I love food. I love the social aspect. I love the way food tastes, especially food that is not so good for me.

I don't starve myself.

I am not bulimic. I don't like to vomit, I don't like to exercise, and I don't like taking laxatives. Enough said about that.

I am not OCD. I don't have time to be OCD. In fact, if I am any acronym, I am ADDPC - attention deficit disorder post children.

I am healthy. My weight is perfect for my height. According to some charts, I'm still overweight for 5'1".

I am thin. But I am fit, too. I still have muscle tone. I still have big thighs and a bubble butt.

I look exactly like I hoped I would after giving birth to two kids. :)

There. I've let it all out. Long, I know. I feel so much better though. See what happens when I don't get to blog very often!!

Now I'm off to the beach on Saturday to eat like a king!! And I won't hide behind my kids if someone wants to take a picture at the pool!

It's just eczema

So most of you know that I have been battling a rash on my hands for about 2 years now. It started on my left hand ... my ring finger to be exact. This is why I haven't been wearing my wedding rings all the time. Anyway, right after Tanner was born, my left hand started breaking out. The pain was unbearable, and when it didn't hurt, it was itchy. REALLY itchy. I would put lotion after lotion after lotion on it, hoping to make it stop. Then I started putting antibiotic ointment on when I wore my rings; I even used that Second Skin stuff once. (Yeah, not a good idea on broken skin.) Nothing seemed to work. So I just decided I would only wear my rings when I had to ... when we were going to dinner or a party.

Then about 8 months ago, my right hand started breaking out. Very strange considering I don't wear jewelry on my right hand, usually. And it's all over my right hand ... pinky, middle finger knuckle, right side of my hand ... very unpleasant. And the rash is so ugly, it's embarrassing. It made me not even want to try on rings when we had to buy the new one (well, almost!). And now that we've been spending time in the pool, the chlorine has made it really awful, and the itching keeps me up at night. (Now I know how Kendall felt all those years!)

I decided, when Tim bought me the new rings, that I want to figure out what's up with my skin. Why is it only on my hands? Am I allergic to white gold? Soap? Shampoo? I made an appointment with a local dermatologist (in my network), and they got me in this morning finally. Naturally, he told me it is eczema ... which I didn't know you could just "develop" in your 30's, but whatever. I asked him why it just started when I had Tanner, and he called it "housewives' eczema." Funny, hunh? He said that when Tanner was born, I probably started washing my hands more, and that's also when I started staying home full time. I do more dishes, wash more clothes, give two baths a night, etc. My hands are exposed to a lot more soap and hot water now than they were before. Ergo, eczema.

So, they gave me a prescription for a steroid cream. Little do they know that my med cabinets are well stocked with steroid creams from Kendall's eczema. I probably won't get it filled unless I have to.

The trip was a success ... except one thing really bugged me. When the nurse left and came back with the doctor, she was carrying this blow-torch-looking thing in her hand. Apparently, the nurse must have mentioned that I look well-tanned or something. The doctor talked to me about my hands and then said, casually, "Well, let me take a look at the rest of you to see if there's anything else we need to worry about."

Hunh? The nurse had asked if I wanted the doc to look at anything else, and I said no.

So he proceeded to check my stomach, my back, my shoulders, my chest ... then he blow-torched the sun spots on my shoulders. Yes, he took that little blow torch to my shoulders, zapping the little spots there. It stung ... I guess he was "freezing" them off. He says they will scab over and peel off within 10 days.

10 DAYS?!! Did I mention that we are going to the beach in 5 days? To add more sun spot to my shoulders???

Oh well ... at least I'll have some healthy new skin to burn ...

WAIT!!!

I forgot to mention that my little man got his first big boy haircut yesterday. And whether anyone can tell or not, I can. I just couldn't make myself cut off the curls. He's very proud of his haircut!!

My husband is a workaholic ...

... and I'm home alone again, so why not fill you in on all the things that have made me feel NUTS in the last few days!! I've truly been out of the blogging spirit -- I don't know if it's because nothings been happening worth talking about, or if too much has been happening and I can't sift through it all, or if I'm just so tired form all that has happened (and the previously discussed 2 years of sleeping with a toddler) that I can't get it all straight in my head to put it on paper, or I guess, screen. Anyway, Tim is working his second all-nighter this week, and I can only Facebook and Myspace so much. I finished my last Reader's Digest Select Edition last night (you know, the one's that have 4 books in one). Soooo ... now I will bore you with the details of the last few days.

Let's see, the weekend was fairly uneventful. We had some much needed family time, just the 4 of us. We have so much fun now that the kids are getting older and Tim and I can actually have conversations with them. And it's a real treat when they are in good moods at the same time. So we just played around the house, caught up on house-cleaning, did laundry, cooked out, drank beer. It was great. Of course, I have to mention that, for some unknown reason, Tanner woke up Sunday night/Monday morning at 4 AM and proceeded to play in his crib until 6:15 AM. I don't really mind him talking and playing, except that he has this habit of banging on the back of the crib. It's REALLY loud. So I had to keep going in his room and telling him to be quiet so he wouldn't wake Sissy up. It was actually funny the first few times because when I walked in, he would play possum, like he was asleep. He's so funny. (OK, so I didn't think it was funny at the time ...)

This week has just been ablurofcraziness. (Yes, I said it that way on purpose.) I always start to feel this way when I've had the kids all to myself for a few weeks in a row. I'm so used to them going to Nana's or MeMaw and PePaw's house for a weekend ... I'm very blessed that way. I don't know how people do it when they don't have family around to take the ids off your hands!! Anyway, this week has been a struggle, for all of us. Snickers has been pooping on my rug in the keeping room on and off for a few days. Just when I think she's OK, she'll do it again. One morning she climbed down off the couch right after I cleaned the rug. Twice. Yes, I was thinking about calling the pound, but I decided not to when I realized the kids have been dropping grapes on the floor. I'm assuming you've all heard the scare about grapes and dogs. Yeah, so I've forgiven her for now.

Umm, what else? Oh, I was so excited when it was time for Kendall to go back to school on Tuesday. I dropped her off and Tanner and I finally had some time to ourselves. Then, when I picked Kendall up, I noticed she looked very tired. (Of course, she had been up virtually all night long, tossing and turning, crying out in her sleep, etc.) So I just brushed it off and made her lie down on the couch while Tanner napped. Then, at 4:30, she melted. Just completely fell apart. I had promised to take them swimming because the weather had cleared up, and we were there 30 minutes when Kendall looked at me with her pathetic little brown eyes and said, "Mommy, I wanna go home." So I got her home, and she wasn't even dressed before she started crying ... sobbing ... and couldn't stop. I didn't know what to do. She wanted me to sit and hold her, to rock her (mind you, she is almost as tall as me, it seems), to give her my undivided attention. And I wanted to do that. But Tim wasn't home yet, and Tanner wanted to play. This is the first time I've had to do this .. handle a sick one and a well one at the same time. Before, when Kendall was sick, Tanner was immobile, so I could put him in the swing or the bouncy seat and he was OK. And Tanner won't watch TV ... at all. So I proceeded to hold Kendall in my small lap in the recliner while Tanner jumped up and down in the other recliner next to me. I didn't realize Kendall had fallen asleep on me until Tanner ran around me and stopped very quickly, held his finger up to his lips, and said, "SSShhhhh, Mommy, Sissy sleeping." So cute! So Kendall has missed 2 days of school this week, had a fever on and off for two days, had goopy eyes and runny nose, had croupy cough at night, and had minimal sleep. And I'm trying to be patient, but I know I'm starting to wear down. On the phone with my mom this afternoon she had to remind me that Kendall doesn't feel good - it's not her fault she's acting like this. When did I lose touch with reality? When did I start thinking that a 4 year old could muster up all these crazy actions just to make Mom go nuts? So I had to sit down and reevaluate how I was handling her. I finally just had to hold her ... I carried her around the kitchen ... I held her in my lap ... I wrapped her in her towel after her bath and carried her to the bed to get dressed ... and for a little while, she was my "baby" again.
For now, she seems to be sleeping well. We'll see how it goes. I just hate to see her sick (and tanner, too, for that matter) because there's nothing I can do. I can give her Tylenol for her fever, but I can't take it away. I can giver her cough meds, but they don't really work for croup. And no matter how much I love on her, it doesn't seem to be enough to make her feel better. I hope this passes by this weekend ...for two reasons.

Reason one is the selfish one -- the kids are going to Tim's parents' for the night Saturday. Hallelujah!!
Reason two is for the kids -- I overheard Kendall and Tanner having a "conversation" in the car the other day. Kendall told Tanner, "I wish I could see MeMaw and PePaw." Tanner replied, "Yeah." Kendall then said, "I miss MeMaw and PePaw." Tanner agreed, "Yeah." (He's a boy of few words!) So I'm glad they get to go visit.

OK, I'm rambling. Where was I going with this? See what I mean? My brain is malfunctioning. Hopefully a day on the lake will get me back on track. Tim says I just need to go back to work; that I need to get away from the kids during the day. I don't think that's the answer. I cannot imagine having to teach all day, have meetings after work, come home, cook dinner, clean up, give baths, put kids to bed, grade papers/write lesson plans, AND get up with Kendall in the middle of the night!! NO WAY!! And I really do enjoy them, most of the time. It just takes a toll ... all you SAHMs know what I'm talking about.

Now that I have gone on and on, (if you're still reading, thank you) I'm going to bed. It usually takes me a while to fall asleep when Tim is not here, so I should probably get on it. It's 9:35 ... that gives me 2 hours to fall asleep before Kendall comes in. ;)

Oh, and one more thing -- did any one see the new 90210? Were you as disappointed as I was???? It's just another OC ... there can never be another Brandon Walsh ... and Shannen Dougherty looks R-O-U-G-H. OK, good night!

I'm ashamed to say it

But I have not voted in a presidential election. Ever. I am 30 years old and I have not voted once. That's horrible, I know. Especially since I was a social studies teacher for 6 years. But I registered when we moved to Cherokee County, so I'm gonna vote this time. For certain.

I wish I could say that I've been paying attention to the issues. I try to listen to all the commentary, but it gets so muddled. It's hard for me to listen to anyone talking about the war because my brother is in the Army and was injured in Iraq. I hate to think that it was in vain. It's hard for me to listen to them talk about education because I was a teacher. Not only did I have to deal with the early changes when No Child Left Behind came through, but I disagreed with a lot of what was required of teachers. What ever happened to just teaching? I hate the idea of higher taxes. I feel like all children should get free health care. GOOD free health care. I think it's a woman's right to choose. So you can see I'm a little mixed in my feelings. Does that make me an independent? I'm not sure.

I've spent the last few months watching Obama make speeches. He's impressive, no doubt. He's inspiring, for sure. Oprah loves him; all the celebrities love him. So I should too, right? The ultimate propaganda. I've also heard all the negatives about Obama. It's hard for me to vote for someone with such a small amount of experience.

I've also listened to everything being said about McCain. Yes, he's old. That just menas he has a lot of years under his belt, a lot of experiences (many in the name of our freedom), and he is very wise. He's had a lot of time to develop his feelings and his ideals. I think many of his morals mesh with mine as a family woman, a Christian, an educator, and a mother of two.

So I'm excited about the idea of change. Who will bring the greatest change? Who will make this country better than it is today? We shall see. But I know I'm voting for John McCain. What sealed the deal?

The speech I watched last night from Sarah Palin. She was truly impressive. Everything about her enthralled me. I'm excited about the fact that there could be a "young" mother of a special needs child, a wife, and a Christian in the White House. While her speech was a little more "attack dog" than I would have liked (perhaps that's what I have never liked about politics), she touched on many of the things I wanted to hear about. We'll see what happens ... I'll keep my fingers crossed. (Had to share this Piece of Flair from Facebook. It cracked me up!!)

Whirlwinds

OK, so I have to make this quick because I don't know how long Kendall is going to let me stay out of her room, and I need to brush my teeth. These last few days have a been a whirlwind, with a long weekend, weird sleeping for Tanner, Snickers pooping all over the keeping room for 2 days, Kendall coming down with "something," and now I'm single-parenting for the night. I always hate these nights. It extra-bad when Kendall is sick ... simply because I want to put her in bed with me, but if she wakes up in my room, and I have gone to Tanner's room (if he wakes up) or gone to let the dog out, she will F-R-E-A-K out. If she's not in her bed, she's worse than usual. But I sleep so much better!! A king size bed means less feet in the ribs. So, I have to decide before she wakes up with a coughing fit (again) if I want to be selfish and just hope that Tannerbug won't wake up, or if I want to suck it up and climb in bed with Kendall again. Decisions ... I'm off to brush my teeth, let the dog out (again), and settle in for, what I'm sure, will be a lonnnnnnng night.

Keep those prayers coming!!