Because I'm the MOM, that's why!: Reflections -- Look how far we've come!!

I'm feeling very nostalgic this morning.

A friend from high school who I have recently reconnected with had a baby yesterday ... her second. When I saw the video and pictures this morning, it took me back to when I was going through the same experience. Many things about Kendall's "babyhood" I don't remember. Some people say I have blocked it out because it was so hard. I certainly have blocked out her birth. I only remember snippets of my labor and delivery, so I suppose I am lucky to have a few pictures from June 16, 2004. I went into the hospital on June 13 for an induction. I had been fighting with high blood pressure my entire pregnancy, and the doctor decided it was time to get her out before anything got worse. So I was prepared ... for the cervadil, for the pitocin, for the birthing ball. I had watched A Baby Story and Birth Day for a month on bed rest ... I was READY. My "labor" didn't really start until day two, but once it started it was on, full force. I wanted to walk around and sit on that ball (which was wonderful, by the way), so I put off the epidural until the last minute. I made it to 8 cm when the midwife informed me that this was my last chance; if I went any further, I wouldn't be able to get the drugs. So after fighting through two more contraction and a fit of nausea, I decided on the epidural. Shortly after, I was comfortable and dilated 10 cm. Ready for go time. And go time it was.

So we pushed. And we pushed. And when I say "we," I mean WE. I pushed, Tim pushed, the midwife pushed ... but, after 3 hours, nothing seemed to be working. Apparently, Kendall was sunny side up, and she was lodged behind a broken tailbone I never knew about. The midwife called the doctor in, and she quickly explained that it had been almost 24 hours since my water had been broken (blah blah) and that we needed to get the baby out. "You need to sign this consent ..." (blah blah) I didn't hear anything else except, "OK, Hun, we're going to have to push her back in." WHAT?!!!! Those of you who have never experienced anything like this, it's worse than the contractions!! And my epidural was wearing off by this time. So the doc did what she had to do, I screamed ... and basically had to clench my thighs together (not easy to do after holding that "position" for 3 hours) to keep Kendall in. They wheeled me through the waiting area to an OR. I hugged my mom and dad, and

told them how sorry I was that I couldn't do it. (I think I was delirious.) About an hour later, Kendall was here by way of Cesarean section. 7 lbs. 3 oz. I remember seeing her when they were cleaning her up and then I was out. I asked Tim later if they knocked me out; he says I just passed out from exhaustion. When I woke up, I was in recovery, and my daughter was perfect. A slight cone head was present, but it faded after time. My darling precious girl was here ... and we thought our lives were complete.

As Kendall approached her first birthday, the second itch began. I knew we wanted another baby. I really wanted a boy. Those of you who say you didn't care one way or the other as long as the baby was healthy -- well, I think you are fibbing. I wanted a boy. My whole family is girls. I have 6 nieces between my two brothers. And then there was Kendall. So now was the time. Tim and I knew that this was it ... the last try ... neither of us wanted more than two children.

So we got pregnant without much effort; we're very lucky, I suppose. Around my 20th week, my doctor started talking to me about VBAC. I already knew that I wanted another C-section; I

had already done the pushing thing ... so we checked our calendars and scheduled Tanner's birth for August 4, 2006. How nice is that?? Tanner's birth was much smoother than Kendall's, obviously. This is what the pictures I saw this morning reminded me of. Waiting patiently in the room in that gorgeous hospital

gown, blood pressure cuff on. Tim in his scrubs. The oxygen in my nose. The doctor talking to me during the delivery. It was so much more pleasant. And Tanner was here just like that. 8 lbs. 10 oz. And nothing made me happier than seeing Tim holding his son for the first time.

And now here we are. 8 years of marriage, a 4 year old in preschool and a 2 year old toddler. So seeing all of my friends now with their first or their second babies makes me think about those times ... learning how to work a breast pump ... figuring out how to mix formula ... trying to work that silly bottle warmer in the middle of the night ... deciding which advice I wanted to follow and which advice I wanted throw out ... learning by instinct ... They have so much to look forward to. And when I listen to them talk about how they are ready for the babies to start "doing stuff," I want to tell them to enjoy this time ... hold onto it. It will go by so quickly and then the memories will fade. The important things are still there ... but after a few years you forget the smell of a newborn ... you forget what their cry sounds like in the night ... and those sweet moments are what makes having a baby worth it.