No Smoking in This Area ... or that one ... or that one, either ...

I have become the Smoking Nazi at the neighborhood pool.

It's really bad.

But I'm not ashamed of it at all.  I've always prided myself on being a non-smoker.

Well, OK, so I was not a non-smoker for a few months in college when tobacco was the only "bad" thing I could legally purchase, but I digress.

I can honestly say that since becoming a mom, especially, I have noticed smoking more ... when others are doing it ... I can smell it on anyone who has been within a mile of a smoker in the last 48 hours ...

I often find myself thinking, "Oh my gosh, that's what I smelled like for 7 years of school.  Eww."

Anyway, like I said, since becoming a mom, I have taken on this Warrior Princess of the Non-Smokers role.  I absolutely cannot stand it when I see pregnant women smoking.  I am appalled when I see parents smoking with their kids in the car.  Let it be known, Tim and a friend of ours did not invite a smoking-pregnant-mom friend on our boat a few years ago because we didn't like the message it sent about us and our families.  Also, I have not allowed Kendall to go to a friend's house more than once because I knew her parent's were smokers.

And yes, I have gotten out of my car, more than once, in the car pool line to tell someone that he or she wasn't supposed to be smoking on school grounds.

I just can't tolerate it.

I mean, if you KNOW that it WILL kill you -- not it might or it may -- it will, why would you do it?  And better yet, why would you do it to your kids????

Anyway, so I noticed earlier in the summer that there are a lot of smokers in our neighborhood (not really our neighborhood, but the neighborhood across the street with which we share amenities).  Now while the smokers are generally also the ones who do not hold back the swearing while they drink from glass beer bottles in the pool while their un-pottitrained kids are not wearing swim diapers (OH, I know I just ticked somebody off -- I'm not saying all smokers are like that.), let's just say they are easy to spot at the pool.

And it could be that they are usually sitting directly between two signs that say, very plainly, "No Smoking in This Area."

So, me being the nosy, pushy, and rule-following super parent (Don't laugh!), I have taken it upon myself to remind people (just in case the smoke is affecting their eyesight and they cannot read the signs) that they are not to smoke in that area.  And yes, I've even gone so far once as to tell the same person, "No, not that area either."

Don't you love me?

Sorry, dude, but I just can't let you break the rules at the expense of my kids' health.

So get over it.

And find somewhere else to puff that smoke.

A Post Secret for Your Sunday

Posted on Post Secret, June 20th, Father's Day, 2010

This "secret" is something I've thought about.  I often hear women say, "I hate it when he says I'm just like my mom," and I wonder what the big deal is.  I love it when people compare me to my mom ... she's pretty spectacular!

The Passing of a Friend ...

... or two ... or 362.

Last week, I said goodbye to some friends.

OK, so I wouldn't say they were really "friends," as in we talk on the phone and see each other all the time.  But still, some of these people were people I did "talk" to every day, about one thing or another.

Unfortunately, I "talked" to many of these people at the expense of sharing things with my husband.  So Tim and I have decided to trade in our Facebook accounts for some real face time with each other.  Hopefully, this face time will extend to many of our "friends" who have recently become just pictures on the computer monitor.

I like to believe I wasn't addicted to Facebook the way Tim thinks I was.  I didn't think I was online too terribly much during the day -- I mean, I was still taking care of the house and taking care of the kids who run amuck around here.  I was still doing laundry and feeding the animals.  Occasionally, I was still cleaning up all the bodily fluids that seem to find places to reside around here.  Dinner was still cooked every night at 6 PM, baths were still given at 7, and the kids were still in bed by 8:30.  But then Tim and I would sit, one on the couch and one in the recliner, clicking on our phones while the TV was on in the background.  There was always the usual, "How was your day?" with the constant, "Fine.  It was work."  But that was it.  And that's no way to share your daily events.

So I have said good bye to Facebook for a little while.  After a few weeks of withdrawal, shakes, and constant nausea not having a connection to the outside world, Tim and I will re-evaluate the importance of Facebook and clean house, leaving only friends, and start over.  I mean, who really needs to be friends with the girl from high school who wasn't your friend in high school???  And is it necessary to be friends with someone just because they live in your neighborhood??  Or because they are friends with your parents?  Anyway, if you are lucky enough to remain on the friends list, feel honored. ;0)

What do I miss most about Facebook?  Not necessary knowing what everyone is doing at all hours of the day (though that was pretty awesome) ... but I miss seeing pictures of everyone ... I miss parenting advice ... I miss the coupons and freebies that come through when you become a "fan" ...

But I don't miss all the Farmville and Mafia Wars crap. :0)

Favorite Photo Friday

Tim & Tanner - April 2009

A Day Out With Thomas

I love, love, love this picture.  I mean, how could I not?  My two favorite guys on one of my favorite days as a family.  We took the kids to see and ride Thomas the Tank Engine in Tennessee last spring, and we had such a good time.  Of course, it was characteristically HOT, as usual in these parts.  But it was such a joy to see Tanner's eyes light up when he saw that big, useful engine!!

This outing, which isn't something we get to do very often due to cost, was so worth the money.  The anticipation on the way to the train station was almost too much for Tanner to bear.  We hoped he and his sister would take a nap on the way there, but he would have none of it!  Once there, we saw the sites, visited some train tables and tattoos stations, picked out some ice cream and treats from the train tent.  So much fun.  No matter how hot it was or how long we had to stand in line to actually ride Thomas, it was worth it.

And while I wasn't sad to see the Thomas stage leave our house (Oh, who am I kidding?  Thomas is still around every once in a while.), I am happy Tanner went through the train phase ... no matter how hard I tried to keep Thomas out of our house!!

Did You Get Your Tickets??

Tickets to what, you ask?

Tickets to the show.

What show, you ask?

The GUN SHOW!!

That's right, folks.  In this post I'm totally and completely going to brag on myself.  I have been working these glamour muscles and it has paid off!  I wasn't too sure if I was looking much different, seeing as how I look at myself every day ... I don't see much of a change.  But last Thursday Tim and I got a much needed grown-ups night out at Taco Mac to see our favorite dirty uncle who was passing through town, and when I was in the restroom washing my hands, I noticed a girl on her phone, staring at me.  I looked in the mirror, wondering if I forgot to pull my pants up or something, when she finally commented, "Your arms look awesome."

Say WHAT?!

Did I just get a compliment on my arms?  Seriously?

Of course, flabbergasted, I replied with, "Thank you!" and a sheepish smile.  I did notice, at that point, my heybabies weren't rocking around like they used to.

Then she proceeded to continue, "No, seriously, like, your arms are super ripped.  Even when you were just washing your hands, those muscles were bulging all over the place."

(By the way, no, she was NOT hitting on me.  She was in her late teens and in very good shape, so I felt especially proud that she noticed!)

I exclaimed, a little louder this time, "Thank you," and she continued on.

"So, do you do, like, some kind of workout routine?  What do you do?"

By this time I had an audience, all with their eyes glued to my arms as I dried my hands under the electric dryer.  Heybabies still were not swinging.

"I do P90X.  And carry toddlers and preschoolers around."

"Well, whatever you are doing, it works!  Seriously.  And your chest, too.  Not, like, your boobs, I'm not checking out your boobs, but your muscles.  Your arms are, like, hot!"

So there you go.  Week 14, day 4 ... still hanging in there and so proud of myself for pretty much being finished with my first official round of Tony Horton craziness.  I still don't look like Dreya (but hey, she hasn't had kids, I'm pretty sure), but I do look a lot better than some of the people on those videos.  And I have some serious glamour muscles.  And no more heybabies!!

So, thank you to the girl in the restroom at Taco Mac on Dallas Highway.  You, like, seriously made my day!!

One of the Best Things About Me is HER

Well it was inevitable.  It finally happened.  Kendall made it to her 6th birthday.

And so did I.

And her birthday came and went just like Eloise's 6th birthday.

You know Eloise?  "I am Eloise, and I am six."  I felt like that's all I heard all day yesterday.  Kendall actually woke me up early (around 6), and when I walked in her room, she motioned me over to her bed, pulled my ear down close and whispered, "Mommy, I'm six now," before plopping back down on the pillow and drifting back to sleep.

I love her.  So cute.

As promised, Kendall got to pick every single thing we did yesterday.  She chose cinnamon rolls for breakfast -- "But not until after you get your coffee, Mommy."  Bless her! -- and then Aunt Keri brought over some birthday gifts -- Gotta love that Aunt Keri.  She thought it was important for Kendall to get her present on her birthday, not after. -- and then we headed to the pool -- What else would my little fish choose?? -- and back home to open more presents from Nana, Mommy, Daddy, and Tanner, and then to Stevie B's for pizza and video games.

Seriously, how awesome is that birthday??

She only got a little sad one time when she was opening her present from Keri and David and I had to explain why no one else was coming right now.  I guess this is the first time she realized her actual party is not going to be on her birthday ... anyway, after I explained that today she was getting s few presents, Saturday she was having her party, and then next weekend we will have a family party when MeMaw and PePaw get back in town, she was OK.  I suppose it could be confusing to a 6-year-old as to why everyone doesn't want to celebrate with her on her special day.

As we spent the entire day celebrating Kendall, I kept finding myself remembering.  Of course, I'm sure all mommies do this on their children's birthdays.  I'm always nostalgic, and I always cry when we sing "Happy Birthday."  But as Kendall gets older, I find myself remembering more about her "babyhood."  Many things, I think, we block out -- the sleepless nights, the crying, the colic, the spit up, the  reflux -- simply because, if we don't block them out, we'll never have another child.  But even now my memories are filled with so many more wonderful things about her that the bad things are overshadowed.  And a few times yesterday Kendall would look up at me and see my eyes tearing up, which happens any time I think about how much she has grown (and how quickly), and she said, "Oh, Mommy, don't cry.  I'm only six.  I wish I was sixteen."

Like that is supposed to make me feel better?  And  not cry?  I just want it to slow down a little.  She's already not depending on me for things anymore, like getting her own breakfast, bathing and dressing, or pouring her own juice; I'm not ready to let it all go yet.  I even heard myself telling Tim last night not to dwell on how early they rise right now because, before we know it, we'll have to drag them out of bed in the mornings.  Now I look at Kendall with her independence and her strength and wonder where my baby girl went?  I know they have to grow up, I just wish things didn't have to change so suddenly!

So, as we celebrate 6 years of Kendall, I also celebrate 6 years of being a Mommy.  We've traded the crying, reflux, and sleepless nights for sassing, eye-rolling, and ... well ... sleepless nights.  But I wouldn't trade a single second I've had with this precious gift from God.

One of the best things about me is HER.

Stage Moms

Kendall had her second dance recital last weekend.

It was, by far, her best dance experience thus far.

Of course, she's only had two dance recitals, but this one was wayyyyy better than last year.

The three little ones in her class have grown so much this year.  I remember when they started at the beginning of the school year and we all hoped more girls would join the class.  It just doesn't seem like much can happen with just three girls.

But at the end, I was so happy she only had the three.  And their dances were simply perfect, even if they missed a few steps here and there and their Rockette kick line wasn't perfect.

That's what made it all more endearing.

And I know now that, no matter how long Kendall dances, or if she chooses to do something else with her free time laster, I will never be one of those stage moms.

You know the ones.  Dancing along, mouthing the words to the songs, telling her daughter that was almost perfect, but she should do it this way next time.

And yes, there were moms like that at Kendall's recital.

And it wasn't pretty.

But here are some pictures of what was pretty.  Gorgeous doesn't even sum her up!

Favorite Photo Friday

Daddy and Kendall - August 2005

This picture was taken on one of the random Saturday mornings when we had not much going on.  I miss images like this ... of Tim doing his mundane Daddy duties and Kendall sitting in his lap, "helping."  I was probably sitting on the couch with our dog, watching while Tim explained to Kendall what he was doing.  

Life was easier then.  I miss easier.

Can't We All Just Be Honest??

Why is it so hard for us to just tell the truth?  Why do we always have to paint a rosy picture of what life is really like?  I mean, seriously, I know, sometimes, I tend to be a bit negative about things ... but I only do it in order to paint a true picture.  I don't like to sugar coat things.  And I am convinced that some people really don't want me to sugar coat.

They want the truth.

Of course, I am referring only to motherhood here.

And possibly to the age old question, "Does this make me look fat?"  (If I ask you if something makes me look fat, you better tell me if it does!!)

I just feel like there are so many moms around me who are constantly struggling ... with, well, all the "hats" that we mothers have to wear.  And I truly think that if we just talked to each other, honestly, about the things that are going on in our lives, we could help each other out.  When my kids are making me crazy, and my hubby just doesn't seem to get what the big deal is, and I'm not getting any sympathy from my moms, all I really need is for another mom to tell me, "Girlfriend, I've been there.  This is what my kid did today."

I don't necessarily need advice or even a shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I just need to hear that I'm not alone.

That I'm not the only woman in the world who stares at the clock waiting for 5 o'clock to I can pop the cork in the wine bottle.

That my kids are not the only kids in the world who can be so mean to me that it brings me to tears.

That I'm not the only woman who is excited about not being a stay at home mom anymore.

That I'm not the only one who would sometimes sacrifice sex for an earlier bedtime and an extra hour of sleep.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

I posted a few months ago about all the reading I had been doing ... all those books written by "doctors" and "experts."  I finally had to ask a dear friend for a book that just had stories -- stories other women had divulged about the "true confessions" of motherhood.  And I have to say that the two books I borrowed helped me more than any of the doctors or experts did.  Just to "hear" someone else say that she had considered not answering when her child got lost in the store ... or that she had contemplated driving away just to see if the hubby could really "handle it" as well as he thought he could.    But I have to say, I think it would be more therapeutic if I could hear it from a mom I know.  To know that the woman who looks like she always has it together really doesn't would help me greatly.

And it's not me wanting to be better than someone else.  It's just me wanting to feel validated ... that I'm not crazy ... that the things I'm going through and the things my kids do are completely normal.

So maybe what we need to do is start talking a little more.  Being a little more honest.

June 6th

Today is the day.

I'm not sure anyone else even knows what today is.  I have tried not to think about it all week ... luckily, the days have passed quickly, and I've been surrounded by my wonderful family.

That helped.

But last night, after putting the kids to bed, I lay in bed, trying to sleep.  Trying not to think about what today is.

And I was, thankfully, able to fall asleep quickly after all the day's festivities.  But, even after a wonderful dance recital where my little angel performed beautifully, I still couldn't dream of anything else.

Of anyone else.

But that's OK.  Because dreams are the only place I can still hear his voice or feel his hugs.


Today marks the day that, five years ago, a drug addict took my daddy from me.

And he has served four years of his eight year prison sentence.

And I hope he is as sorry as he said he was at his trial.

But I know, no matter how sorry he is, he'll never be as sorry as I am that my dad is gone.

I miss you, Daddy.

Every day ... but especially today.

I Have Arrived

After our couple of hours at the pool today, the kids and I pondered what to do for dinner.  I absolutely did not feel like cooking, and Tanner doesn't appreciate the art of pizza as much as his sister and I do, so we were left with the options of McDonald's and Mexican.  Naturally, we chose Mexican.  Everyone switched out of their swimsuits into their clothes and we jumped back in the car to hit the restaurant.  It wasn't until after we were seated and our drinks were ordered that I realized something.

We have arrived.

We are finally where I've been waiting for us to be.  For years.  The transition from pool to clothing to car took all of 15 minutes.  Both kids can get in the car by themselves.  Kendall can buckle her brother and herself.  We can make a short drive up the road, singing along to our favorite Ke$ha songs.  Kendall can order her own food.  And we can sit in a booth, with no diaper bag or highchair or bibs, and have a conversation with our kids about our day or things coming up in the next few days.

And I am so happy. Not just content, but happy.  I realized that tonight.  Now, I would've been happier had Tim been at dinner with us, but still, it was so much fun.  We just sat and ate our chips and salsa, shot paper straw covers at each other, and enjoyed each others' company.  No pressure to hurry for bed time.  No constantly having to ask, "Do you need to go potty?"  Just being with them is so much fun now.

So we have arrived.

I have arrived.  I have made it through some tough years and issues with these kiddos.  Would I have done some things differently?  Absolutely.  But I can honestly say that the best things about me are my children.

My sweet, dirty, smelly, loud-mouthed, misbehaving, loving, kind, giggly, squirmy, absolutely beautiful gifts from God.  They are by far the best thing I've ever done.

No question.  No doubt about it.

Favorite Photo Friday

Tanner & Kendall - August 2008

Sometimes, as stay at home moms, it's difficult for us to just let kids be kids.  We spend so much time trying to make sure our kids are being challenged or entertained that we forget the world is filled with built-in opportunities for enjoyment and engagement at little to no price.

This picture was taken on one of those days when I was bummed out that we couldn't go to the pool because it was raining.

And what did the kids do?

They got wet anyway!  And I had the best time listening to them giggle and laugh while they ran in and out of the rain and laid in the puddles on the porch.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that they are kids ... they don't know what they don't have or what classes they aren't taking or what event they can't attend unless we tell them.  It is always the internal Mommy Guilt that gets the best of us.  

Just yesterday I found myself feeling really upset that I never found a VBS for the kids to attend this summer.  Kendall always has the best time at VBS with her friend Daniel, but Daniel isn't going this year, so I just never signed Kendall up.  I still get so weary about her going to a new place without a friend to hold her hand.  (I know, I shouldn't do this, but I do, nonetheless.)  And this summer Tanner was going to get to go for the first time as well, being newly potty-trained and all.

But the days got away from us with the end of the year festivities and with me trying to get my certification updated.  Days were filled with other activities, and now it appears we will not be attending a VBS this year.

But I am pretty sure it bothers me more than them.

So we'll just spend our days together doing the every day things that make us smile ... plus the two pages from our Summer Bridge Activity workbooks.  :0) (Again, Mommy guilt is kicking in.  I never taught Tanner all those things I said I was going to, and now I'm sending him off to Pre K without being prepared.  But that's a blog for another day!)

Bring On Summertime!!

What a crazy whirlwind?  These past few weeks, especially those at the end of the school year, have absolutely flown by.

It's such a cliche, but so true -- Time flies when you're having fun.

I'm not even sure where the month of May went, but it appears, after looking through the pictures on my Facebook page, that we had some fun.  May is always filled with loads of activities -- end of the year school activities, the close of another dance season, the pool opens, yardwork begins, and birthday season starts.

This May was no different.  We celebrated the close of Kendall's kindergarten year with an end-of-the-year performance, complete with white gloves, sign language, and bells.  I was excited that Daddy was able to take off work and join us to celebrate the amazing year Kendall has had.  It seems like yesterday (literally) I was just dropping her off, tears streaming down her face, for her first day of school.  (OK, so there were tears streaming down my face, too.)  And on this day, I had her pose in the exact same spot, right in front of the lilypad beside the door she has entered every week day this school year, and I snapped a picture (through tears).  I watched, through those tears, as she happily walked through the door that seems much smaller than it did the first day.  I watched her greet her teacher and her classmates.  And before I walked away, a few of her friends waved to me through the open doorway.

It was then that I realized how attached I've grown to this group of kids.  Not only have I fallen in love with Mrs. Nations ... I have grown extremely fond of many of Kendall's classmates and their parents.  Lexi, Kendall's bestie, is a sweet, rambunctious little thing.  I got a taste of what they are like at school (and why Mrs. Nations has had to separate them so many times!) when we went on our zoo field trip and I sat with them on the bus.  They are truly like sisters - loving on each other one second and rolling their eyes at each other the next.  They are so cute to watch together.  Her dad is in the army and is in Afghanistan until June (he's left in November), and that made me care for her just a tiny bit more.  When we left on the last day of school, Mrs. Nations made a remark that has stuck with me -- "Kendall will make new friends next year, but she won't find another one that loves her as much as Lexi."  And I'm not sure she'll ever make a new friend that she will love as much as she loves Lexi.

So as we watched the kindergarten performance and the kids sang about all they learned this year, I was impressed with how different this performance was compared to preschool graduation!  It was a really good "concert," and when it was over we took Kendall out for breakfast to celebrate.  We took over a large table at the IHOP (don't go to the one on exit 19, the service stinks!), and we stuffed ourselves with Rutti Tuttis and pancakes.  It was an excellent beginning to the end of an awesome year.

May continued on, as if it all happened in one blink.  I guess with the daily workouts and the challenges in the parenting (I still haven't blogged about the biting incident.), the days just flew by without me noticing.  Before I knew it, it was the last day of school and we were saying goodbye to another school year.  As I sat and watched a slideshow of the year and all I missed while she was away from me, I realized how much we have accomplished!  I can't even put into words how incredibly proud I am of this little girl.  Her handwriting has improved beyond measure.  Her reading astounds me.  Her character and her confidence have grown by leaps and bounds.  She is so sure of herself now.  And I've wanted that for her for so long.  No longer is she the little girl who sits on the sidelines, waiting to be invited to play.  She's making her own waves now, and I couldn't be prouder.

So now here we are, in week one of summer vacation.  Brady has been on vacation this week, so we've had a good time transitioning into the lazy days of summer.  We started with a trip to the lake with the Wasielewski's, and Kendall and Tanner both had their first try with tubing.  They loved it!  But what they loved even more was their first "sleepover" in bunkbeds with Sam at the lake house.  So much fun was had Memorial Day weekend.  The up-coming weekend will bring the close of dance season with a recital guaranteed to entertain.  And then I'll be in full birthday party planning mode.  Before we know it, Kendall will be 6 years old!!!

It's craziness, I tell you!

And all of this is happening while I'm still hoping for a job opportunity to cross my path and waiting for a call from the preschool of our choice for Tanner's pre-K.

Keeping our fingers crossed!