Just go away ---

I have got to be the worst mom in the world right now. Really. I mean I had an entire "break" when we went to the beach. My kids went to Nana's on Saturday night and I got an adult night of watching football. But, for some reason, I'm feeling very on edge today. Of course, I'm writing this at 5 PM, which is usually the beginning of the "witching hour" at our house. Tanner never seems to be all that happy in the afternoons after his naps. He usually wakes up (or I wake him) around 3, but the hours between nap and bedtime creep by. He wants to be held all the time ... he wants to eat snacks all the time ... And then there's Kendall. Little miss sunshine -- not really. Since school started, the days have been better. I pick her up at 1 and we come home, put Tanner down, and then she usually watches a movie or we color for a little while. I know I should go out of my way to spend some quality on-on-one time with her during this 2 hour period, but at the same time I feel like I owe it to myself to get a break during this time. People who don't stay home all day just don't realize ... and I know it sounds whiny ... I should be appreciative that I am able to stay home with my two wonderful children. I should feel blessed that I get to spend every waking minute with Tanner ...
But ...
well, I don't. Let me be totally honest here. Around 5 PM is when I start watching the clock. This is the time when we are usually looking forward to Daddy coming home. Though I still don't get much of a break (he gets home at the beginning of the dinner-bath-bed whirlwind), the kids are so happy to see him when he walks in the door. I only wish they were as happy to see me all the time! I suppose the reason these last few days have been so rough is because Tim has been working doubles. He goes in at 6 AM and doesn't get home until around 10 or 11 PM. So not only have the kids not seen him in two days, but I've had to deal with all the fallout. Kendall is extra tired because she hasn't been sleeping (again -- surprise, right?). I am recovering from 2 days worth of headache. I don't even want to cook when Tim isn't here; it's so much easier just to eat cereal or something. And then, after the kids go to bed, I have to sit down and look at the mess of a house I'm living in. I know Tim has to work ... because I "don't" ... hmmm ... and he has to work while he has work. Who knows when the work may run out. It's just tough doing everything on your own. I don't know how single moms do it!!!!
What has made these days so bad? Why am I feeling so down? There are glimmers of happiness every day ... and we have a very busy week after today ... so maybe I'm just in a rut. I see that I'm not explaining it very well (though I know some of you are sitting there and nodding because you know exactly what I'm trying to say). Maybe I just wish I got a little more appreciation? I wish my kids would eat the food I make for them. I wish they would be nicer to each other. I wish they would do it the first time ("it" meaning whatever I asked them to do 50 times). I wish they would appreciate the things they have more. But how do you explain that to a 2 and a 4 year old? Yeah, they are pretty self-centered, though this reads like I am the selfish one. (OK, so I am.) Maybe we just need some fresh air.
Yeah, that's it -- we're going outside ...
And then to Taco Bell -- A bean burrito always cures the grumps!!