(Bitter)Sweet dreams ...

The last thing I did last night before I went to bed was look at the calendar.  It was just as I feared ...

June 5th.

Which means tomorrow (or today, as it is now) is June 6th.

I hate today.


So I suppose it is only natural that I dreamt of him last night.  My dreams of him have been few and far between lately, what with daily grind and all.  I'm lucky if I get a solid enough sleep to have any dreams lately.  But I fell asleep last night thinking about him and he found his way into my dreams.

And I feel blessed that I am still able to remember his voice.  When he hugged me in my dream, he still smelled the same -- like fresh cut grass and sweat.  When we talked, his eyes were still that blood-shot crystal blue.  And when he told me that he was home and he would't have to leave again, I was overcome with joy.


Pure joy and happiness.

Oh, how I wish my dreams could come true.

I miss you, Daddy.  Every day ... but especially today ...

Come back and visit any time. :)

While I Process

I've got some time while my hair processes, so I might as well take advantage.

Last night, Tim and I took the kids to see the Creekview Grizzlies play against Sequoyah.  I figured since my kids are in the Sequoyah district and I have a little baby cousin who QB's for the Creekview, it was a good game to go watch.  So we loaded up the crew and headed out, dressed in green and blue (yes, I know, not black and gold ...).

First, I had no idea how much it would cost to get into the game.  I never had to pay to enter the gates of any high school game.  It cost our family $30 to get in this game.  Seriously.  (Side note -- Completely worth it.)

Second, Friday nights must be the nights all the high school hoochies whip out their shortest shorts.  I'm pretty sure I saw some butt cheeks at that game last night.

Third, the "kids" look very different now than they did back in my day.  I said several times last night that the kids today look much older.  I know.  It makes me sound like an old maid.  But the girls had much bigger boobs and the boys looked like full grown men.  As I watched the team warm up, I was amazed at the amount of facial hair on the field!!

Fourth, divorce sucks.  I know ... seems completely unrelated to football.  But we went to the game with my brother-from-another-mother to watch his son play.  And as we sat amongst the family that included his ex-wife and her new boyfriend, her other ex-husband and his parents, and my aunt, I was reminded of how much I loved this family when they were a complete unit.  Shane and Dan were one of my favorite couples; I loved being at their house and around their kids (who are now on the brink of adulthood).  I hate that their family fell apart.  However, it was nice to see everyone getting along last night (and I hope it wasn't just for show).

Last, Go, Hayden Hall!!!  How awesome to watch the little boy that I used to hold in diapers.  He is an awesome player and an even better young man.  Shane, you've done good!!  I look forward to possibly watching him on TV one day!!

Blessings

Every year as June 6th rolls around, I find myself in a really grumpy mood.  Of course, I don't realize why the grump has washed over me.  I usually contribute it to a full moon or grouchy kids who are already bored with their summer vacation.  Or I may blame it on Tim's work schedule or my lack of direction/motivation or the fact that I'm so frustrated with not being able to find another teaching job.

Alas, I woke up this morning and Kendall announced, "Today is June 6th, Mommy."

She was, of course, reminding me that her 8th birthday is only 10 days away.

But all I heard was "June 6th."  And I was suddenly overwhelmed with sorrow.  Most of you know today is the anniversary (which I hate calling it because anniversaries are supposed to be happy ...) of my dad's death.  Yes, I still remember every second of that day.  I'm not sure those memories will ever fade.

But what does scare me is that other memories are fading -- I don't dream of him as much as I used to.  I remember what he looks like and what his voice sounds like, but somethings I can't remember.  And that makes me so sad.

How will I tell the kids about their grandpa if I can't remember every single bit of him?  How can I make then understand what a loving and caring man he was?  How can I make them understand his passions and his ambitions?  How will I ever be able to make them believe how much he loved them -- even Tanner, whom he never met?

After moping for an hour and thinking about how to talk to them about what I'm feeling, I instead decided to look at it a different way.

I am so blessed to have had a man like that as my daddy.  I am blessed to have videos of him with his voice, so I'll never forget.  I'm blessed he was there to walk me down the aisle and to dance with me at my wedding.  I'm blessed I was able to see him holding my first born.  I'm blessed to have heard (and read) the words telling me he was proud of me.  I'm blessed to have handwritten notes and photos of him so I'll never forget what he looked like.

And I can share all of those memories with my kids, his grand babies.  I hope that my older nieces know how blessed they are to have memories of him.  He adored his granddaughters.  And I know he would have given anything to laugh with his grandsons.

So instead of being sad today, I will instead hold onto these blessings.

Favorite Photo Friday

Heather's 2nd Birthday

June 1998

As I'm in the throws of birthday planning for Tanner's birthday party (and I just finished planning Kendall's), I am reminded of when things were simple.  This picture showed up when Kendall and I were organizing the scrapbook closet this morning, which just also happens to be where every photo in our house is kept.  When I saw it, I couldn't help but notice how much Heather looks like my little 2 year old Kendall did.  Of course, everyone in the picture looks much younger.  But it was, after all, 15 years ago.

What??!!!

My first little bundle of love is turning 15??!!  On Tuesday??!!

OK, so she isn't mine, per se.  But I loved her like she my own before I had my own.  And I remember when she was born, like it was yesterday.  I remember leaving for UGA and being so devastated that I wouldn't be home when she entered the world.  I remember Mom calling me to tell me when she was born, and I couldn't wait to get home and see her.  I also remember leaving for my sophomore year when she was almost one and being so sad because I was afraid she wouldn't remember me when I came back.

(OK, so I was a little dramatic.  I did live out of my suitcase after all, coming home almost every single weekend.  I know ... I was a party animal.)

Now, as Heather has grown and matured, I get the feeling she doesn't like me as much as she used to.

Maybe that's just the hormones talking.  Of course, what 15 year old does like her aunt?

Anyway, I love this picture.  I love all the people in it.  I love that Josh looks so young (well, actually he was just then voting age.)  I love that Tim and I are together in this picture.  I love that it was taken in my mom and dad's old kitchen.

Happy birthday, Heather!!  I love you and I'm very proud of how you have grown!

Shout out!

I talk alot about my immediate family -- Tim, myself, my kids -- but I rarely mention any of the other people in our lives who make it worth all the effort.  Since today is his 41st birthday (Holy crap, he's old!), I want to introduce you to David.  Or Uncle David, if you are Tanner or Kendall.


David has been a part of the family since ... well, almost as long as I have.  He's pretty awesome as far as uncles go.  On that note, Uncle David and Aunt Keri are pretty damn fantastic in that department.  Any time my kids have something going on -- births, graduations, birthdays, dance recitals, lost teeth -- they are always there.


But I digress.


This one is about David.

So, David is awesome.  He is always very matter-of-fact about things, and he loves family.  Well, he loves what family should be.  He is quick to point out if something is being done in a ridiculous way.  (It's a compliment, trust me.)  He's quick to defend the ones he loves.  He is willing to pour the Jager shots at birthday parties. He is always willing to hide the Easter eggs (we missed him this year) or get in the floor and play trucks.  In fact, many times he'll steal the kids' toys to go play where no one can bother him or interrupt!  (Again, it's a compliment.)  David isn't a dad yet, but I know when it happens, he is going to be a natural.


I am so thankful for David.  I know I never tell him this; and many times it probably seems that I take him for granted.  But my kids don't have many male influences in their little lives.  They have their daddy, David, Josh (though we rarely get to see him because he's so far away), and Tim's dad.  Tim is the only man they see regularly, so I'm very thankful that they have Uncle David in their lives.


So here's to Uncle David on his 41st birthday!  Thank for being a part of this crazy family with me.  It's nice to have someone else who has to weather the storms with me!! ;0)

Who Cares if the Tub is Dirty???

I just read this on my cousin's Facebook page and it speaks volumes to me.  As a SAHM, I struggle daily with all the hats I must wear.  Many of my SAHM-friends joke around about needing a secretary or an assistant.  But it's so true.  Staying at home and raising kids is a full time job.  One that often goes unrewarded and underpaid, unless you count being paid in kisses.  But even as the kids get older, their appreciativeness and kisses tend to get fewer and far between.  So, as this poem says, I think it's important to make the most of the times when you can get them.

Some houses try to hide that fact

That children shelter there.

Ours boasts of it quite openly--

The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,

Little smudges on the doors.

I should apologize, I guess,

For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children

And we played and laughed and read.

And if the bathtub doesn't shine

Their eyes will shine instead.

For when, at times, I'm forced to choose

The one job or the other,

I want to have a lovely house,

But first I'll be a mother.

--Author Unknown

Take My Mother. Please.

OK, OK, before all you nosy family members jump on your phones to tell my mom I'm talking about her, you should keep reading.

I mean this in the nicest, sweetest, most loving way possible.

My mom is awesome.  She is beautiful and kind.  She has a loving and patient heart.  She is a dedicated hard worker.

And for all of these reasons, she absolutely does not deserve to be alone.

Now that I know for sure she doesn't want to be alone, I'm putting it all out there.  I wish I could write her profile for the online dating sites.  I'm fairly certain she hasn't said all the things I think about her -- and that so many other people feel.  If I wrote her profile, she'd be fighting them off with a stick!  Honestly, I believe if my mom put herself in the right situations, she would meet someone.  She's been trying the online stuff for a while.  She's made several "matches," but nothing ever seems to pan out.  I wish she had more time to devote to meeting people -- and not just men.  I think she would be a happier person if she had a group of friends to hang out with -- to go to the movies and dinner.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I've said it before -- I love having her available to babysit at any time.  And if she was dating, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be able to do it.  But the kids are getting older, and I don't mind taking them with us when we have to if we have a date night or something like that.

What I do mind is how my mom has so much on her plate -- she works 4 days a week, 10 hours a day.  One day of her weekend is devoted to spending time with my grandmothers at the nursing home.  She also visits one night during the week after work.  She gets up so early for work that she's exhausted when she gets home from work.  She has this crazy dog that has kidney problems and costs her an arm and a leg, and she pees and poops (the dog, not my mom) all over the house, which doesn't help with Mom's stress.  She spends her days and nights worrying about her mom (my grandmother in the nursing home), her sisters, her brother, me and my family, my brother and his family ... and I know, that's what moms do..

But I want her to think about herself.  I want her to be completely selfish.  I want her to not have to worry about what the other people in our family think about this guy or this new outfit or the paint color or the new furniture.  But with her big heart comes big worries.  I don't know where her low self-esteem comes from.  She always puts herself down when I talk to her.  She asks me why, after 6 1/2 years, no one has approached her; no one has asked her out.  I don't know what to tell her.  I don't know how to explain that the world must be blind.

She said something to me on the phone two days ago after I told her a friend's mom was getting married for the 3rd (or 4th) time.

"How does this happen to other people?  What's wrong with me?" she asked.

It took me a little off guard.

There's is nothing wrong with her.  At all.

"There is no way that the one man I married is the only love I was meant to have my entire life."

OK, that one threw me for a loop.

He was a damn good man, though, Mom.  Some people marry 4 or 5 men who don't even come close to totaling her 1.

And while I pray every night for her to find someone else to share the rest of her life with, I know he won't be as awesome as the first love. ;)

So here are the requirements:  (Yes, I'm campaigning.  And not because she's desperate or because she asked me to.  In fact, she'll probably be upset when she reads this.)

He must be at least 5'10" tall.
He must be a Christian.
He must have something to offer -- she can't support him forever.  I'm hoping for a little money because she'd like to retire ... eventually ...
He should be handsome.
Tim would like for him to be Harley man.
He should have strong shoulders to help carry the burden.
He should be accepting of the crazies in my family.
It would be nice if he has kids and grandkids as well, so he can appreciate the worry she provides.
He should be honest.  No liars.  No ladies' man.

Anything else, Mom?

So if you know any men like this, send me their names and numbers.  We can play match maker.  My mom needs and deserves some happiness in her life.  She's given me so much; this is my way of giving back. :)

Christmas Cards

As I was taking a shower this morning, I realized something (Yes, in the shower I do most of my thinking as it is the only place that is quiet.). I bought my mom a display box from Creative Memories last year for Christmas. The intention of the display was to help her display a calendar and keepsakes for each month. However, being the un-creative person she is (not saying anything I wouldn't say to her face), I promised (fingers crossed behind my back) to make her a new calendar with photos every month.

As you can imagine, that happened about ... ummm ... 3 times? I saw yesterday that the last pictures she has displayed are from Preschool Graduation, which was May. So I guess I suck at keeping her "up to date."

Anyway, this made me realize something (other than I'm the worst daughter ever). THIS YEAR HAS F-L-O-W-N BY!!! I mean I remember making that last display in May. Doesn't seem like it was that long ago. But that was before Kendall turned 5! Before Tanner turned 3! Before our 9th anniversary! Before kindergarten! Before so many things that I feel have made this year amazing. Then I started thinking that I didn't write a Christmas letter as I usually do to mail with our Christmas cards. I guess time just slipped away from me.

So here's the better-late-than-never Christmas letter ...

Dear Family and Friends,

It's been a year of ups and downs in the Morris house. Though we've had some rough times, we've tried to infuse our days with happiness and laughter as well. As I look back I realize that though the year flew, a lot of wonderful and joyous things occurred. Tim and I took a trip in February to Copper Mountain, Colorado, and I was able to see my first real snow while Tim finally got some good snow skiing in. We also celebrated our 9 year anniversary in July; hard to believe we've made it through the roughest year so far, and we are closer than ever.

Tim continues to work like crazy -- I've sort of adapted to the idea that my husband is a workaholic. And that's OK. We are continually thankful for the job that he has, so no complaints here. Unfortunately, we had to say goodbye to Sequoia Builders Development, Inc, earlier in the year. While Tim still loved the idea of building, the aspect of actually owning and running his own company is a thing of the past, I'm sure. Though Tim has had to make a few sacrifices in the way of free time and toys this year, he still tries to make time to take a ride on his Harley when he can. To clear his head ... ot get away from his crazy wife, which ever it may be!

I have rather enjoyed my last year as a stay at home mom. Though I had intentions of returning to work last Fall, God had a different plan for me. So I've been at home with Tanner this year, working with him on his letters, numbers, and colors. Well, I've been working more on not sucking the thumb and using the potty, but the rest sounds good. While this may make me sound like a complete dork, I have to say that my biggest achievement of this year has been attaining the title of "Crazy Coupon Lady" at the grocery store. Silly as it may sound, I am very proud of the ways I've learned to save money this year. I also was able to complete my first Peachtree Road Race in July, not far behind Tim.

We celebrated Kendall's 5th birthday in June, and she started kindergarten this year ... and she has amazed me beyond belief with what she has learned. It seems that she has grown so much in the few months she's been in school. Writing, reading, tying her shoes, swimming, sleeping through the night, being independent ... there is no better feeling than knowing that my daughter is well-balanced and sure of herself. She has a wonderful teacher at school, a good group of friends she adores, and a mommy and daddy who love her.

Tanner continues to be a momma's boy at heart. Also learning a lot this year, he has begun tinkering ... I'm fairly certain he is more like his daddy than we first thought. Not quick to sit and watch TV or read a book, Tanner would much rather be taking things apart or building. We are in the, "Why?" stage now, with me having to remember the answer to endless questions. Fortunately for me, Tanner just takes me at my word and I don't have to explain too much. We are currently getting Tanner ready for his first stint at school in the fall, when he will be going to Georgia Pre-K. He'll be ready ...

We have had a long but quick year in the Morris house. While there are many good things we enjoyed about this year, we are happy to see a new year upon us. And we are looking forward to "starting fresh" in 2010, looking ahead and hoping that this year, for us and you, are better than the last!!

With much love,
The Morris'
Tim, Keisha, Kendall & Tanner

Easter Egg-stravaganza!

A week later I suppose I need to post our Easter blog. We had so much going on this week that I never got around to sharing what a good time we had this year. Having an almost 5-year-old ad a 2 1/2-year-old makes Easter extra fun! The weeks leading up to Easter are always filled with Egg Hunts and parties ... unfortunately we had yucky weather for many days before Easter. But that didn't keep us from having loads of fun indoors!


Kendall's school egg hunt was held indoors due to rain. But we still had breakfast with the Easter Bunny. Tanner was astounded when he first saw that big bunny sitting in a chair. And every time the bunny had to "take a break," Tanner announced to everyone at our table that the bunny had to go potty.


We also attended the Holly Springs Easter Egg Hunt this year. Luckily, the weather was good for that day. It started off chilly but turned out rather warm in the afternoon. Because they separate the kids by age level, Kendall stayed with her friend Daniel to hunt with the big kids while Daniel's sister Zoe came with Tanner and me. The two little ones weren't so sure about this egg hunt thing ... Tanner picked up his first egg and said, "I done! Look at my igg, Mommy!" I had to show him that all the other kids had more than one egg before he would keep going. After the hunt, the kids had a chance to pet some animals; their favorite was the baby lamb. And the Easter Bunny arrived in a firetruck, so Tanner was really excited to sit in the truck and wear the gear.


Another gorgeous day brought us to Learning Express to pet some more animals. I was a little miffed when we got there because I was told there would be baby ducks and bunnies for the kids to hold. There were some there, but you had to pay to have professional pictures made with the little animals to hold them. But the kids still got to see some piglets, so we left content.


Finally, Easter Eve arrived. Before bed I told the kids to find their Easter baskets and sit them out for the bunny to fill. Naturally, we can't have anything without a mishap, so we had to look for Tanner's basket. It was nowhere to be found ... how does a little blue bunny disappear??? We looked high and low, in and out, right and left, here and there ... finally, after realizing that this bunny wasn't in the house anywhere, I asked Tanner if he threw it in his dirty clothes hamper. Guess what ...



So dirty blue bunny joined pink bunny on the table and the kids retired for the evening. I spent an hour stuffing eggs and putting all the goodies in their baskets, and they were very excited to find their full baskets in the morning. Of course, they wanted te eat everything right then ... restraint, please. (I was actually having a hard time restraining myself from those Reese's eggs!) The kids played with their new stuff while I cooked up some baked beans in the crock pot, and then we dressed in our Easter finest and headed to Powder Springs.


Easter day was gorgeous, and we had two more egg hunts at MeMaw and PePaw's house, along with two more Easter baskets stuffed with goodies and an Easter present from MeMe and PaPa. Everyone couldn't get enough pictures of Tanner's fauxhawk, and Kendall was my beautiful angel in her Easter dress. Hailey had to come along in her matching dress, of course! All in all, a wonderful Easter season. I even got a new family picture out of it!

Nerves, Anxiety, Guilt and Insomnia

The 4 certain feelings all moms must feel when they are forced to return to the work force. I feel all of these feelings in different combinations throughout the day, every day.

This is where I stand right now. I have known for a year that this was my last year at home with my children. And I have been OK with it until now simply because, well, honestly, I thought Tim would sell a few houses and I would end up being able to stay home another year. So now here I am, filling out applications to return to teaching, forced to explain why I wish to be a teacher, why I wish to work in ___ County, and my philosophy on education. I am supposed to squeeze all of this information into 9-10 lines that are about 8 inches long.

How do I explain why I wish to work in the school system when I don't actually want to go back to work? Don't get me wrong -- I love teaching; there's nothing I've ever wanted to do more (except be a mom). And I'm a good teacher. My students generally liked me, I got along with my colleagues, I related to my parents well, and I got my work done in a timely and adequate fashion. My last day at work, I cried all day because I was fearful of what life would be like when I wasn't working anymore. I knew I would miss my friends and my students. I knew I would miss the adult interaction. I knew I would miss the continuing education .... I've always been a sucker for learning. Dorky - I know - but true.

Those first few months at home were a whirlwind -- we moved to Canton, I had another baby, and life as a stay-at-home mom began. I was depressed for a while, constantly emailing my teacher friends, asking about my students from the year before. Then the e-mails got further and further apart ...

Now I find myself here, 2 1/2 years later, embarking on this "new" phase that I'm not whole-heartedly into. Because the housing market has not been good to us, I must return to work. We cannot possibly live on Tim's paycheck alone (well, we probably could, but not in the fashion we have grown accustomed to). So I have filled out the applications, written the resume, and mailed the reference forms to be filled out. I have formulated a plan in my head for the logistics of how next year will run. I plan to get a job in Cherokee County, and I will take Kendall to either the school where I work (if it's elementary) or to the feeder school (if it's middle school). She can stay in ASP after she gets out of school until I can pick her up when school gets out. So Kendall is taken care of.

Then there's Tanner -- my sweet, uncorrupted angel-baby. Untouched by the influence of other children, he is still so sweet and kind and loving. I am terrified that he will no longer be this sweet baby boy once I go back to work. I am terrified to leave him at a daycare center. I am terrified to leave him with a babysitter. I am terrified of so many things.

So now, the once excited-to-get-back-to-the-real-world woman is suffering from insomnia and anxiety. As I go through the day-to-day activities of my home, I find myself thinking, "How will I ever get all this done when I go back to work?" I don't know how I will be able to get myself and 2 kids ready for school and work and get there on time. (I have visions of showing up at work carrying one of my kid's lunchboxes or putting on my mascara driving down the road.) I don't know how I will be able to get home from work, get dinner ready, clean up dinner, spend quality time with my family, get the kids bathed and in bed, get papers graded and lessons planned, and get sleep at night. Then my weekends will be filled with more paper grading and lesson planning -- I just don't know how I'll do it. I know other women do it all the time -- and many do it without a husband. But I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I'm built that way. I mean, I worked when Kendall was a baby -- and I remember the papers that piled up on my couch every night. And Kendall was a baby, not requiring a lot of "attention." And I was lucky enough to have wonderful neighbors who watched her right across the street. I never worried for a second during the day that she was not getting the best care possible. Those women loved her almost as much as I do. How can I be sure that someone will love Tanner that much? Someone who doesn't even know him?

So this is where I am now. Tim wants me to go back to work yesterday -- and it's unfair for me to hold that against him. We do need the money desperately, and he has worked his butt off the past three years so I could stay home. But I also know that me going back to work is going to put even more pressure on him -- to be home, to spend time with the kids, to take over some of the household duties, to put up with my stress. I'm interested to see how he feels about this trade-off after 6 months of work ...

I will continue to pray about all of this -- I've never prayed so hard in my life about something. I'm hoping that I still have a chance to stay home for one more year -- then Tanner will be old enough for pre-K and Kendall will be in 1st grade. And if I can't stay home, I'm hoping that God will help me find a way to alleviate these feelings of guilt I'm having about leaving Tanner. Either He will help me find a suitable school/day care or a suitable sitter. I'm still not sure which I prefer for him. Just one more thing to think about.

The Christmas Letter

Every year I write this long, drawn out Christmas letter explaining what has changed for our family over the past year and how we have all changed. I racked my brain this year trying to come up with something creative. Every night I told Tim he was going to have to help me write the letter ... how had we changed? ... what have we done this year? ... etc. However, every time we sat down to write it, we couldn't some up with much for ourselves. The kids have changed a ton, but the grownups? Not so much. I procrastinated so much on my Christmas letter that my Christmas cards went out later then usual. And they still went out without a letter.


But I didn't think it was fair not to share with everyone how much my kids have grown and developed this year. They are like night and day now compared to this time last year. So I have written a letter for 2008 that does not even compare to my previous letters but conveys my feelings, nonetheless.

If you did not receive a postmarked Christmas card, it is because I tried to send them to the people I don't see on a regular basis. (Translated -- I'm broke and cheap and only ordered 60 cards. So if I see you at least once every two weeks, you didn't get a card in the mail. It's not that I don't love you, but you can hug my kids whenever you want!!)

Continue reading for the Christmas letter. Happy holidays!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Family and Friends,

I had a dilemma trying to write this letter for you all this year. I sat for many nights, pondering what has changed in our lives this year. While it doesn’t appear that life has changed much for Tim and me, our children have changed plenty.

It appears that Tim and I have really done nothing except keep our heads above water and age. Sounds pretty insignificant, right? Not really. Tim continues to build, working harder than he should with no obvious payment for his work. He is working at Inglett & Stubbs again, traveling from job to job, which keeps him entertained; never in a place long enough for it to get dull. After working his 8 hours during the day he drives back to Canton, only to work on the houses he continues to build in hopes that the market is going to swing our way. He began building in a new neighborhood in Canton, Royal Oaks, and was successful in selling one house there earlier this year. We are now waiting for the right buyers to come along for his current 3 projects; of course, we’re not very picky at this point! Tim continues to entertain his children when he is home, whether it be with four-wheeler rides or blowing them with the blower. He astounds me with his ambition and drive.

I have almost completed another year away from “work,” though I certainly feel like I work more now than I did when I was getting paid. Tanner and I have been more mobile this year with Kendall at school, and we’ve been able to do things we couldn’t do before. We spend time at the playground, and I’ve been trying to work with him on his colors and letters to no avail. I have begun filling out the dreaded applications for employment for next school year, hoping that teaching has not changed that much in the 3 years I’ve been away. I am eager to return to the work field so I can get a break every now and then (yes, now I understand what you all were talking about before). And I’m looking forward to some adult conversations again. Hopefully it will not be as difficult to find a job for me as it has been for so many others this year.

Kendall began real pre-school this year, attending four days a week. Her class consists of only 5 other children, and she has the same teacher she had last year. I feel that the continuity has really helped her this year. I am still amazed when I think of all she has accomplished this year. It has only been 365 days, but she has tackled so much! She has learned to write her first and last name, learned her phone number, learned to swim underwater with goggles and no swimmies, learned to ride her bike without training wheels, learned a little Spanish, and learned to pump her legs on the swings. While her advancements have made life easier for me (no more pushing two swings at once or juggling two kids in the pool), it makes me sad to see her growing up so quickly. I remember just yesterday when we brought her home from the hospital … I am eager to see what Kindergarten has to offer her this next school year.

Tanner also has changed a lot this year. He started out not talking much and has become a serious chatterbox! He asks questions constantly, and his favorite is, “Why?” Every day he says something to make me smile and giggle, whether it be, “Mommy, I like your dress,” or “You love me?” While I still try to get him to sing his ABC’s and count for me, he in stubborn (not sure where he gets that from) and wants to do everything in his own time. Kendall successfully taught him his colors with flashcards, but he still wants to be my baby. While I have talked to him about going to “school” next year when Mommy goes back to work, I’m not sure he’s looking forward to it. Perhaps he will surprise me and just walk away with a little wave over his shoulder. I’m certain I will be shedding more tears to watch my last baby walk away into childhood.

Though this year has been tough for many, we have received some blessing from above. Memaw (Tim’s mom) remains cancer free after 4 ½ year. PePaw (Tim’s dad) had successful prostate surgery after cancer was discovered, and luckily he did not have to endure any other treatment. We were lucky to have a visit with Josh before he returned to Iraq on December 6th. We pray for a safe and successful trip for him so that he and his boys will not have to return after this deployment. We know all of these blessings would not be possible without the Lord’s help, and we’re certain our Guardian Angel is watching out for us.

As always, we wish we saw more of you more often, but as families grow and people move, it becomes harder and harder to keep in touch. We hope that you and yours have a wonderful and safe holiday season and a joyful new year in 2009!

With love,

Tim, Keisha, Kendall, and Tanner Morris

Perks

OK, so right about now there aren't many perks to being a builder's wife. He's working super long hours trying to make these houses perfect that no one is even bothering to look at. I understand that times are tough. And I am one of the lucky ones who happens to have a husband who still has his "bill paying job." So after weeks of seeing him only right before dinner until bed, I finally received some perks.


I call them perks simply because they perk up my mood. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing or not, but Tim has connections. So we are able to get new stuff for our house easier than your average Joe would be able to. For instance, when we wanted our walls repainted, it was easy to get the painter in to do it. When Kendall and Tanner wanted a playhouse built, we had workers here the next day. (No, Tim did not build that himself. But he could have ...) When we need new fluffy pinestraw or a dead shrub replaced, it's done right away by the landscaper. You get my point. So for the perks ...


A few weeks ago we found out a local family-owned lighting company was going out of business. So Tim gets this stuff in the mail alerting us of the sale. So on a Saturday Tim and I set out to find new light fixtures. For one of his new houses, I thought. So why did he need me there? Because the light fixtures were actually going in our house. And our light fixtures were going in the new house. See, perk. Because he is building a house of the same floor plan, the lights match up perfectly! So now I have a gorgeous new chandelier in my master bath, along with new vanity lights. The old ones were OK, but new is always better!


Just this week I experienced another perk. I've been having issues with my dishwasher for months. Apparently one time when Tanner was trying to help me unload, he decided to hang on the top shelf and it popped out of the groove. Tim popped it back in, but every since then it hasn't stayed properly. Most of the time when I'm trying to get all the sippy cup stoppers out and into the right cups, the shelf will fall and everything hits the floor. Then I have to chase the dog down because, inevitably, she gets a stopper in her mouth and runs off with it. Anyway, Tim and I were trying to watch TV the other night while the dishwasher was running. Usually I run it during the day because it is so loud. And most of you know how light a sleeper Kendall is. So the dishwasher was RUNNING and Tim and I were squinting at the TV, trying to hear (Why do we squint when we are straining to hear, anyway???), afraid to turn the sound up because we may wake Kendall, and she'd be up forever, and I wouldn't get to watch TV after all.


I'm on a tangent.


So Tim got online to find a quiet dishwasher. And quiet he did find! The next day he informed me that our dishwasher would be arriving Wednesday. Hooray! (No, we're not putting the broken dishwasher in one of the other houses!) So I now have a new dishwasher from Builder Specialities (because he's a builder, we get wholesale price or something like that). It has a dip in the top shelf so you can put wine glasses in and they won't hit the top when you close the door. It has 4 baskets ... that means I can put stoppers everywhere if I want to! And those crazy 3-piece straws that come in those Dora cups! And it's sooooo quiet. Oh, and I forgot to mention you can put detergent in this little compartment that holds enough detergent for an entire month!!!!!!!!! You don't have to refill every time you wash! I'm so excited!!


I know ... it's the little things ...

Too Much Going On Around Here

Even though it seems that, at the end of the day I've done nothing, I feel like I've been super-busy for the last week or so. I was determined to get all my Christmas shopping done last week, and I have achieved this now. Of course, everything isn't wrapped yet, but that can happen later. So what else has been going on?

Well, Tim and I had 4 invitations to 4 functions in 4 different places for this past Saturday. After racking my brain and trying to figure out how we could be in 4 different places at once, I figured we couldn't do it all so we took the first invitation we received.

So Saturday afternoon we headed out to Blue Ridge for Matt's surprise 30th birthday party. We stayed in this gorgeous cabin that slept 14 or so. There were 4 couples and some other people. Luckily, everyone was up for a good time. All of the couples are parents, so it was nice to let our hair down with some people who understand what our lives are like on a daily basis. We ate a low country boil, cake, and drank wine and martinis. All without the pressure of having to drive home. It was fabulous!! We ended our night with several hours in a hot tub ... it was Heaven! It is really great when Tim and I have the chance to relax and not worry about anything. We remember how to laugh and enjoy each other's company and remember how lucky we are to have each other. So, all in all, fabulous trip.

On the way back from Blue Ridge, I made Tim stop on 575 beside the DUI sign for my dad. There are still flowers where his accident happened.

Lastly, Saturday night Josh deployed for Iraq again. 2nd tour of duty. This is my favorite picture, though it frightens me that the government gives my little brother a weapon ... kidding! I talked to him Thursday night, but I was hoping to be able to talk to him again before he left. But we had zero bars in the mountains, so I don't know if he called or not. I'm hoping that he knows how much I love him, how much I pray for is safety, and how proud I am of him. Mary (my sister-in-law) sent the pictures from deployment and I just sat and cried looking at them this morning. It still hasn't quite sunk in that he is gone for another year ...

So that's where we are now. No more online shopping and no more other stuff going on for a while, so hopefully I'll have more time to rest before the craziness of Christmas gets here.

Sharing another secret

If you can't read it, it says, "I sit at the kids table because I like them better."

In the spirit of the upcoming holidays, I thought this one was pretty darn funny. Do you remember the days of sitting at the kids' table? Our was always in Grandma Dean's cigarette-stained kitchen. We had a small TV (with rabbit ears) that we could try to watch while we were eating, but dinner always turned into the boys throwing food or playing around. As I was the only girl, naturally, I was perfect. Then I remember the first time I felt old enough to sit at the grown-up table. How boring was that? These grown-ups didn't have fun conversations like the kids did. They were so quiet and careful -- no one laughed or giggled. They were always talking about something serious ... no fun at all. So I only sat at the big table for one year. Then my cousin Jason and I returned to the kids' table in the kitchen. Definitely a better place to be!

Tights, PJs, and Chocolate -- oh my!

While many people are sitting at home complaining about the cold temperatures outside, I am loving this time of year. November always brings out a side of me that is usually pushed under the hustle and bustle of every day life. I find myself more relaxed right now ... more calm ... perhaps from listening to the crackle of the fire or from drinking hot chocolate. Regardless, I love November ... these weeks right before the Christmas craziness begins. This year, in particular, I find myself noticing more things about Fall that I love. I mentioned before the changing of the leaves and the gorgeous colors outside. Those of you who are not fortunate enough to live where the leaves change, you don't know what you are missing! But not just the leaves keep my giddy. Here's a list of the top 5 things I love about this time of year.

5) Tights - Silly, I know. But I love tights on Kendall. We make it a point to go out and buy the craziest tights we can find every year. In the mornings, she picks out her tights first, and then we match her outfit to the tights. She has all the regular colors, which are reserved for dance class and the patterned dresses and skirts. But she really shows off her personality when she throws on her stripes or her pink camo. I am so blessed to have a little girl who is a prissy as I am!

4) Feet PJs - When Kendall was a baby, I loved dressing her in feet jammies. They were always so soft, and she still felt like a "baby" when she was bundled up. I feel the same way about Tanner now ... I'm hanging onto this one piece of "baby" I have left. I even went out and found big girl feet jammies for Kendall, even though she doesn't get to sleep in them that often (they are pretty warm). But it is fun to watch them snuggle up together in a chair early in the morning, nestled inside their warm PJs, hanging onto those lovies. How much sweeter can you get?

3) Silly Thanksgiving pictures - The perk of having a child in preschool is that I get to attend all these fun singing and dancing functions where the kids are dressed ridiculously. Kendall's class was a big group of turkeys this year for her Thanksgiving sing-along and feast. She took her job very seriously, wearing that beak with pride and shaking those tail feathers when required. She will, of course, look back at these pictures when she is older and say, "Mom, what were you thinking? How could you torture me that way?!" And I will remind her that she loved every second of it!!

2) Monkey Munch - Yes, I'm talking about the chocolaty, peanut buttery, sugary treat that Kate swears by on Jon & Kate Plus 8. I love making this with my little ones because it is simple and doesn't require a lot of steps or mess. The kids are able to help me melt, stir, mix, taste (mmmm, the best part), and shake. And the end result is so tasty that it rarely lasts long in the pantry. Which gives us more chances to keep making it!

1) Jumping in the leaves - I had forgotten about doing this as a child. Of course, Josh and I only had pine straw to jump in, but the effect was the same. Two days ago, the neighborhood girls came over and asked if they could make piles of leaves to jump in. My first reaction was, "No way, Kendall and Tanner will get nasty and dirty." But then I thought about how much fun it would be for them. We have been cooped up in this house for a while with all the colds, so I figured, "Why not?" So I snapped pictures while the 4 of them ran all over the yard collecting leaves and transferring them to one big pile. And once the pile was complete, the 4 of them jumped and bounced and threw leaves til they were exhausted. Yes, my babes had leaves and grass in their hair, but who cares? Those things can be cleaned. But memories like these are priceless and irreplaceable.

So there you go ... my reasons for loving Fall. While I probably will not enjoy this cold weather much longer, I'm going to revel in the fact that I can hide those few extra pounds behind sweaters and jeans, wear warm, woolly boots, and wipe Tanner's snot with my sleeve without anyone thinking I'm strange for it.

Happy Fall, ya'll!

In the loop

I know many of you are wondering what happened. Why I haven't written in, like, a week or so. There's no real reason, I suppose. I have either had not enough to talk about or too much and can't narrow my topic down. Here's the rundown.

Most of you know my brother and his family came to visit last weekend. This was to be the last time I will see him for at least a year (assuming Obama isn't going to pull a miracle out of his hat and get the troops home in March ...). He is leaving for Iraq on November 25th (or December 5th, they keep changing it), and they came to visit so he could say goodbye to everyone before leaving.

I hate to say it that way ... "say goodbye" ... it terrifies me, actually, to think about it that way. Last time Josh went overseas he was injured, twice. Both times he was thrown from his vehicle in an explosion of some sort. The first time he was injured, but not put out of commission. The second time is what brought him home a few months early. He sustained a traumatic brain injury, which terrified all of us to no end. He fought headaches, speech issues, and memory lapses for months. He says that he is "all good" now and back to normal. I think he still has headaches and occasional bouts with insomnia (what vet doesn't?), but he seems ready to head back over there.

So they came to visit, and our family dinner became a double-family party. While I am very happy that Josh was able to spend time with our family and Mary's, I wish I could have spent more time with him ... my family and his. It's tough to ask him to do that when he seems to enjoy his time with his in-laws so much more. Mary comes from a huge family, 7 brothers and sisters I think. Lots of nieces and nephews. Josh has grown very close to Mary's youngest brother, Tom. He is a great guy, and his wife is equally as wonderful. The rest of the family I don't know as well, but they seem alright. They are loud ... which is to be expected with a big family where everyone has to compete with each other to be heard and seen. So, it is hard for Tim (who never makes a peep), my mom (who never wants to rock the boat and make people uncomfortable), and myself to compete. But we made it happen on Saturday night. The whole clan, plus my surrogate brother Chris (Josh's BF from grade school) came to dinner at my mom's house. We ate chicken, burgers, drank beer ... it was a good time.

Then Monday was committed to me. Mary, Mom, and I went shopping while the kids all played together with Unc' Josh watching over them (OK, so he was sleeping, but he needs to stock up!). Then we had dinner again, quieter this time, and said our goodbyes. Tuesday morning they left to head back to North Carolina.

So here we are now, still not absolutely sure when he is leaving. It makes me sad that Mary and Josh's girls will have this Thanksgiving, the first in their new house, without their daddy. And this Christmas Mary says they won't be able to come visit because she has to work. So it may really be a lonnng time before we see them again. And it will definitely be a long time before we see Josh.

While time seems to be flying by in all other respects, the time that Josh is gone crawls. I try not to watch the news. I try not to read too much about the war. Last time he was in Iraq we could at least email him and talk to him on the phone occasionally. Mary even had a web cam so the kids could see him from time to time. This time will be different. He will be in a more remote location without all the technology. I guess we'll have to communicate the old fashioned way with letters and care packages. Hopefully, he will return to us unscathed this time and never have to go back. Hopefully, he will not lose any friends this time. Hopefully, he will be able to play a part in what has become one of the most argued-over wars in our history. And when it is all over, he will still be my little brother. My little brother, the hero!

Laugh Lines

So I recently was introduced to a blog called Post Secret. It's linked on my blog, and they usually update it every Sunday. Basically, people are supposed to anonymously send post cards with their deepest secrets written on them, and this guy posts them on his site. I guess it gives you something to think about. Anyway, every Sunday, I pick out my favorite and ponder on it. This is my favorite from this morning.

Most of the time the postcards have things written on them that either make me sad or disgust me. But every once in a while there is one, like this one, that just makes me smile. It makes me think twice about the wrinkles that are finding their way around my eyes and mouth. It makes me think twice about growing up and growing old. And it makes me realize how extraordinarily lucky I am to have what I have -- a husband who will do anything for me, two perfectly healthy children who adore me above no other, a strong family unit and support system backing me in every decision I make ... I mean, really, what else is here better in life???

More "treats" than "tricks"

Well, the Halloween season has officially come to a close. Well, almost, once the candy is eaten. Which shouldn't be long judging how much the kids downed (with the help of Mom and Dad) last night before bed. The kids had lots of fun going from house to house to get candy. They got more than they could ever possibly eat on their own (which is why I'll be avoiding the scale for a while) and they looked precious in their costumes. Excuse me, Kendall looked "beautiful" as Snow White, and Tanner looked "strong and scary" as Batman. (I'm not supposed to say "precious.")

We walked with the kids in the neighborhood most of the time, and then Kendall caught up with one of our pool friends from the summer. She is Kendall's age, so we let the older kids travel ahead of us (how many 10-year-olds do you know who want to wait on a 4-year-old?) and Kendall and Katie walked together. Tanner rode in his Batmobile costumed as a stroller (clever, I know) and he hopped out at almost every house. This year was such a change from last year because Kendall went to the doors on her own, said "trick or treat" on her own, and said "thank you" on her own. Super cute! Tanner had a hard time understanding why I wouldn't open the candy as it was poured into his bucket, but once I opened a sucker or two, he was content. By the time we reached the end of the houses, Kendall was tired and I had to carry her. Of course, trick-or-treating was not the only excitement of our day yesterday!

We started our morning with a trip to Learning Express. This store always wears Kendall and Tanner out because there is so much to do. The workers allow the kids to play with the toys that are on the floor, and Tanner immediately hits the choo-choo while Kendall finds the dollhouses (hence, our choices for Christmas gifts this year). I went with the sole purpose of buying an Elf on the Shelf. If you've never heard of it, Google it. So now we have our elf who will roam around our house until Christmas, taking notes on the kids and their behavior in order to report back to Santa. Fun, right?!

Our second trip to the pumpkin patch followed. Mom needed a big punkin, so we hit the same place the kids and I went to Thursday. They jumped in the hay some more. They picked out more small pumpkins (my house is being overrun with baby pumpkins.). I took more pictures. Fun times.

Third trip was to dance. Kendall's class got to wear the Halloween costumes to dance, and they played games and practiced all at the same time. Her Snow White dress especially looked cute with tap shoes!! I honestly thought she would lie down to take a nap once dance was over, but no. She was too excited about getting in her time on the computer since she SLEPT ALL NIGHT IN HER BED THE NIGHT BEFORE!!!!

I know, it just keeps getting better!

So then it was dinner time and time to get dressed up again. Yes, a rushed and busy day ... but so worth it to see their faces when that first handful of chocolate was dumped in their buckets!!

So now off for another exciting day dressed up ---- IN RED AND BLACK!!

Gooooooooooooooo, Dawgs!! Sic 'em!!!!

Pregnant Brain Strikes Again

No, I'm not pregnant. Settle down. But I am convinced that my brain has yet to return to its natural size. When I was pregnant with both of my kids I swear I lost brain cells. (Apparently, it's been proven that some of your grey matter goes to the baby in the form of fat, so you really do get dumber.) Anyway, several weeks ago I blogged about losing my mind? Well, this morning confirmed all of my previous assumptions -- my grey matter never grew back.

First, I set my alarm last night to make sure we were up earlier this morning. We've been rushing around in the mornings trying to get Kendall ready for school, and Tanner and I had a fun playdate planned at Meg's house. So I set the alarm for 7:45. At 8:05, I looked at the clock, trying to figure out why it hadn't gone off. Well, it was going off, but the volume was turned down. So ... we got Kendall dressed in her Halloween shirt with ghosts on it (so cute), grabbed juice boxes and granola bars and headed to the car.

We arrived at Kendall's school and I immediately noticed there were children getting out of the cars in their costumes. Strange ... the parade and party (that I'm in charge of) isn't until tomorrow. The teacher gets Kendall out of the car and I ask, "The parade is tomorrow, right?"

Nope. It's today. And not only today but in 2 1/2 hours.

So poor Kendall has to go to class in her regular clothes while all the other kids have on costumes. And I have food to cook, a shower to take, and two bodies to dress. And somewhere in there I have to call Heather and tell her that we won't be making it to her house, which is a bummer in itself.

So Tanner and I rush home, I bribe him with a Tootsie Pop (yes, at 9 AM) in order to get the food started. Rice Krispie treats have to be first because they have to cool in the fridge. Then I had to make the trick-or-treat pizzas, which I had not tried before, so I actually had no idea if they would really turn out or not. I had to gather up all the pieces of Kendall's costume and throw them in a bag. I called Heather while melting marshmallows to apologize for missing Meg's costume party. Oops, I forgot to feed the dog, so I had to do that too.

But do not fear. Somehow, Tanner and I made it out the door, showered and dressed, with BINGO games, art supplies for spiders and webs, goody boxes, pizzas, and pumpkin-shaped Rice Krispie treats by 11:05. I still can't believe we pulled it off!! We rushed to the school to get Kendall dressed as Snow White, and then everything finally slowed down.

Craziness aside, the party was a success and Kendall looked gorgeous as Snow White. Her classmates seemed to enjoy their food, and their art projects turned out super cute!

Now I have to attempt to clean up.

Because the house is a disaster. I didn't clean as I went this morning ... and Tanner made a huge mess while I was cooking ... but right now I'm tying to catch my breath ... then I'll clean. And eat a Rice Krispie treat. :)

What Advice is Good Advice?

I have this friend. She's a really good friend. She's been married to her husband for almost 10 years. They have children. They live in a beautiful house with their beautiful dog. From the outside, she appears to be really happy and "together," much like so many wives and moms would like to be.

This is why it is so hard for me to listen to her talking about the lack of trust in her marriage. At least I know she's having a hard time trusting him ... years ago, her husband strayed. He had a little fling with a co-worker. It didn't last too long, but when my friend found out, she was devastated. Now it's been years, and she's still having a hard time handling the situation. She, her husband, and his fling still run in the same circle of friends. They live in the same city ... hang out at the same restaurants ... and occasionally, they have run into this girl. While her husband swears that there is nothing going on now, my friend knows he has talked to the girl on a few occasions, whether it be on the phone or in person. My friend desperately wants to trust her husband. He is the love of her life, the father of her children, but she still finds herself wanting to check his email and cell bills. These thoughts have almost become an obsession of sorts. So she asks me what she should do.

I don't know what the right thing is ... I don't know what to tell her. I could tell her to just give him the benefit of the doubt; however, when she did that before, he broke her trust. I could tell her to confront him, tell him her feelings. But she is afraid of "rocking the boat." Like I said before, from the outside her life appears perfect. She and her husband always seem happy to others when they are out. They even seem happy to each other when they are at home. But it is so obvious to me after talking to her that she is so very unhappy. She goes out of her way to make sure he is happy all the time, but it doesn't appear to me that he reciprocates. She hardly ever gets time to herself, while he goes on guy trips every few weeks. There are so many things about her marriage that bother me ... but I don't want to give her the wrong advice.

Part of me wants to say, "Lay down the law! Tell him that if you find out that he has seen or talked to her again, you are taking the kids and leaving!" Another part of me wants to say, "Just talk to him, tell him how you feel." Then another part wants to say,"If he says he's not talking to her, then you should trust him. What's a marriage without trust?" I'm torn.

So I come to you, my very wise readers. What do I do? What do I tell her? I am the only person she has confided in; all of her family and friends live elsewhere. She is waiting for ME to tell her what the next step is. She has printed emails and phone bills with the forbidden phone number on them, and she doesn't know what to do with them. Can you, oh wise ones, please impart some wisdom? (She does not read my blog, so be as honest as you like.) I appreciate it!