Well, here it is, folks. The day I've been aching for ... waiting for ... praying for ... the first back of school. I have been looking forward to this day for 2 months, trying to remember what it was like to only have to manage one child.
So if I've been so excited about this day, why couldn't I sleep last night? Its not like I was lying in bed, thinking about all the things that could go wrong; that's not it at all. I was lying there, listening to Kendall breathe, realizing that this the last first day of school before she goes to "real" school. After the hellacious summer we have had together, I felt myself feeling guilty -- guilty for not trying to understand her feelings more, guilty for not taking her to do more things during her months off, guilty for not telling her every day how proud I am of the way she's growing up. Instead I have been spending my days telling her to leave her brother alone, to sit right in her chair, to keep her hands to herself, to share her toys, to stop talking back, and to be patient. Now she'll be off to school, with a new group of kids.
We went to meet and greet, and luckily Kendall has one of her two teachers from last year. And there are only 8 students in her class. Wonderful!! But I still worry. Will she make friends? Will she be bossy? Will she sit quietly and follow directions? Will she keep up with the other kids in her class? Will she be respectful to her teacher and the other adults at her school? I'm sure these are all things that parents worry about when their children go to school. And I'm sure I will have these worries, plus a few more, every year. So, since I couldn't sleep, I just layed there. Until Kendall woke up this morning, excited beyond belief. Good, that's one hurdle I don't have to jump.
We got up and ate breakfast. We packed her lunch in her new Disney 
Princess lunchbox. We brushed her teeth and hair, put on her new outfit and her sparkly shoes. I made her pose for several pictures, much to her chagrin. Then we kissed Tanner and Daddy goodbye and loaded in the car, equipped with camera, school bag and lunch, 4 bags of classroom school supplies, and some tissues in Mommy's pocket, just in case. Tim stayed home with Tanner so I could give Kendall 100% of my attention during the drop off process. I knew she would cry and hang on for dear life, so I wanted to have both hands free. We pulled up to school, she climbed out with her bag and started to walk in the door. I had to call, "Wait for me," for her to even stop! Once in her classroom, she was done with me. She greeted Ms. Gyzell (yes, respectful) and headed over to the book shelf. A classmate came in the same time we did, the only one from her class last year. Brooke joined Kendall on the floor while her mother and I stood in disbelief. Where was the long, drawn out goodbye? Where was the crying? The begging for Mommy not to leave? When I pulled out my camera to take some pictures, Kendall looked at me and said, "Mommy, one picture and then you have to go."
No, really. She did.
So I got one picture, and got ready to take another of Kendall with Brooke when they both looked at us (the moms) and said, "Mommy, just leave," through gritted teeth, as if we were embarrassing them. Hunh?????
So I gave Kendall a kiss, patted her pretty little head and left. Tears welled in my eyes as I walked to the car. What happened to my baby? The one that needed me so much?? I suppose I should be thrilled that she didn't make a big scene. And I am, partially. But I also wanted to see some inkling of fear, just for my own reassurance. Yes, selfish, I know. But I'm sure I'm not the only mom in the hallways of Child's Play thinking the same exact thing!! And, at 1 o'clock pick up, Kendall was still smiling, her lovey was in her bag (not in her hand), and she had been very well-behaved. She ran to me, gave me a big hug, and said, "Mommy, I had such a fun day today!" This is what being a Mom is all about!!
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