I miss my kids.

I was going to spend the first half of this post giving you the low-down on why I've been such a bad blogger as of late.  Instead, I will assume that all of you have been keeping tabs on me via the New Facebook that tells you my every move on the right of your screen.  For the one friend I have who is not on Facebook (Pennington), let me just say that my days have been filled with work, a new puppy, raising my kids, loving the hubs, and balancing all of the other things in-between.

Forward ahead to today (it's only been 3 months since I blogged ...)

I miss my kids.  I've had a pretty hard time lately with juggling all that goes into being a working mommy.  Granted, I don't work long hours (thank goodness its only 9-1 every day), but I do have to spend my time at home trying to do all the things that I used to do all day long while the kids were at school.  Lucky for me, I have a husband who enjoys helping around the house -- but I can say that I absolutely do not want to spend my time at home cleaning now.

Mommy guilt has kicked in to the -nth degree in the last week.  My kids went to school on picture day before I was able to snap a picture with our camera.  I refuse to pay $130 for school pictures, so I will not have any pictures from Fall picture day.  The same day, I sent in Tanner's field trip form with a simple check next to "My child ___________ has permission to attend the field trip.  Fee is attached."  This is the first time there was no check beside "I would like to be a chaperone."  That part made me really sad. And then, the same morning, I overheard another Supermom in my neighborhood telling her kiddos, "I'll see you at lunch, OK?"  I was almost in tears at that point.

I know my kids probably don't even notice that I don't come to eat with them that often.  I've only been once since school started.  My mom has been a couple of times, and Tim has even been once.  But I miss doing that.  Also, K brought home a U on a language arts test (which is the equivalent of an F) Friday, and I had to write en email to her teacher saying, "Sorry its taken me so long to get in touch with you, but K is failing and I just now have time to talk to you about it."

OK, it didn't actually say those exact words, but you get my drift.

And I think now I put ridiculous expectations on my kids when we are together.  I expect them to tell me all about their days and talk to me about their friends.  I expect them to love on me and tell me how much they miss me.  I expect them to be perfect little angels all the time because I want our time together to be perfect.

Those are ridiculous expectations for any 5 and 7 year olds, I know.  But it's what I want.

So, yes, I miss being a stay at home mom.  I miss having all that time to spend at school with the kids, getting to know their teachers and friends.  I miss the sweethearts my kids used to be ...

And are they ugly now because I don't spend so much time with them?  Do they misbehave because they do not have me there to guide them every step of the way?

Or are they just growing up?

But, I must add as a disclaimer, while I miss being a stay at home mom, I do really enjoy my job most days.  But that's a blog for another day!