Who Are "They" Anyway??

You know who I'm talking about ...

"They" say you should give a baby veggies before fruits.
You should put a baby on his back to sleep, "they" say.
Kids need limits is what I've always heard from "them."
"They" say you should hold and rock a baby whenever it cries.
"They" say you should lie a baby down to sleep when he is awake.

I've always prided myself on being an avid reader, but I think my reading may be getting a little out of hand now.  Most nights I find myself multitasking, with a book on my lap and one of my many shows on the TV.  (OK, so this is actually dual-tasking, unless you count the glass of wine that is usually on the end table beside me.)  For many months now, I've been passing back and forth between my usual beach smut books and my parenting books, but more recently I've found myself just focusing on the many parenting books I have around the house.

I began reading parenting books before Kendall was born to prepare myself for what was to come with motherhood.  Of course, everyone reads What to Expect When You Are Expecting (because that's what "they" tell you to do), and I even threw in a little Belly Laughs just for kicks.  Then once K was born, there was On Becoming Babywise.  And once I thought she should be sleeping through the night or be on a schedule of some kind (because that's what "they" said), I began reading the plethora of sleep advice books -- Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was my favorite, and it's still the one I recommend to my new-Mommy friends.  When we found out we were pregnant with number 2, I started reading other books about bringing home a new sibling.  Of course most of that reading came from one of the seven magazine subscriptions I had because there wasn't much sitting and reading with a 20-month-old running the roost.  When Tanner was born, I started the Babywise and Sleep Habits books all over again, and Toddler Wise, Screamfree Parenting and The Happiest Toddler on the Block also came into play because K was becoming a bit precocious and unbearable (little did I know ...).  So I was pretty busy with the reading for a few years.  But it was good because I cared what "they" had to say and the advice "they" had to offer.

Now that both of my kiddos are older and a bit more manageable, I realize I've taken many years off from reading.  A few years ago Tim and I attended a behavior management seminar (hey, it was free) with Dr. Jim Fay.  I picked up several books from that seminar about how to handle early childhood issues.  There's even a cute one about what to say when the kid says something you have no idea how to respond to.  Good for a laugh.  When the ugly potty-training monster started rearing his head recently, I found myself searching through the bookshelves in the family room, praying to find a book I hadn't already read that could possibly bring me a miracle shed some light on this for me.  Naturally, "they" must have some advice for a mom who is at her wit's end, right?

As luck would have it, I have the best best friend in the world who sees me ready to jump out of a window can see me trying as hard as I can.  She ordered On Becoming Childwise for me, and I read it in two days.  Then I decided I would put some of the ideas into play, and that lasted about 2 more days before I threw my hands up, screamed, and went back to my old ways.  Then I tried re-reading my Jim Fay book, which also expresses many of the ideas Childwise does, but then it also says some things that are completely contradictory.  For example, Childwise says that many parents give their kids too many choices and too much freedom, making the kids feel as if they are in charge.  However, Dr. Fay says that parents should make deposits into the "trust account" with their kids by allowing them to make many choices (whether silly or not) so that when it's time for the parent to make an important choice (like you have to wear your seat belt), the parent can remind the child that they have been allowed to make many choices throughout the day - now it is the parent's turn to make a choice.

Anyway, after all this reading I'm just so darn confused about this parenting thing.  According to one group, I'm doing it all right.  According to another, I'm doing it all wrong.  According to another, my kids are going to be self-centered mass murders sociopaths.  According to another group, my kids are perfectly normal (which I seriously doubt some days).  How is a woman supposed to raise kids in an age like this when there is so much contradiction around???

So here's what I've decided --

"They" were completely wrong about how hard it would be for me to get pregnant.  "They" were completely wrong about how, if I was prepared, my labors and deliveries would go smoothly.  "They" were wrong about letting them cry it out or rocking them to sleep.  "They" did not prepare me at all for the roller coaster of being a mom and what it entails.  So I will no longer be listening to "them."  I will continue to read, but I will treat it the same way I treat what my pediatrician says (don't judge if you don't have more than one kid).  I will nod in agreement, insert the appropriate, "I see's", and then do what ever I darn well please.

Because in my heart, I know what's best for my kids and my family.  Sure, my kids eat chocolate and jump on the furniture.  Sure my daughter sasses me and occasionally rides from point A to point B without her seatbelt buckled (not on the big road though).  Sure my son is almost 4 and is just now "potty-trained."  Sure he still sucks his thumb.  And sure they beat each other regularly, but I'm sure they are going to turn out OK.  And I will do what I have to in order to survive.

Because I'm the mom, that's why! ;0)