I woke up this morning with the strangest feeling. It's not the first time I have felt this way upon waking ... and I'm certain it won't be the last. My heart was pounding, my eyes were wet, and my fists were clenched.
Nightmare, you ask?
No, I had a dream about my dad.
And not just a regular dream, you know like it's just a regular day and I see him. I have those all the time -- the dreams where it's like he never died.
No, this dream was different. He was a ghost. And I knew he was a ghost. My mom and I were at a mall of some kind, on the top floor, looking down over the rail at some kind of play or something. My mom was to my left, around the corner of the rail. And he was just standing next to her, between us. I kept trying not to look at him because I knew he wasn't "real." But I just couldn't help it ... it was like in the movie Ghost the first time Demi Moore touches Patrick Swayze's ghost. And it was really strange because the first time I reached out for him, I didn't feel anything; my hand slipped right through. But then Mom told me to try again. This time my hand rested on his right forearm.
And I just cried. And cried. Because I could feel his rough skin and the scruffy hair on his arm. He never said a word to me. He just stood there while I held my hand on his arm.
And then I woke up. And for a moment I thought, "He's still alive." You know when you have those dreams that are so real that you're not sure if they really happened or not? Well, this was one of those dreams. He felt so real -- it was like I still felt the heat of his arm on my hand when I woke up.
So maybe he was here ... and he just wanted to remind me.
3 comments:
i have dreams like that about my mom. some, like you say, where it's like she never died. but, also the ones where i know she's gone, but i get a second chance to talk, feel, touch, and smell her. it's comforting and shattering all at the same time.
i think he was just saying "hi" to you. and that just warms my heart for you.
You are not alone - I have dreams about my Dad like that too. I wake up and grieve all over again, I grab his Princeton Tshirt and hug it. It makes me sad that it used to smell like him and now it is beginning to fade. I always think when I have dreams like that - He is trying to reach out to me to let me know he is there.
Love you!
He was SO proud of you, Keesh. SO proud, and he LOVED you!!!
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