Learning a New Language

Did you know 40% of 1st marriages end in divorce? And 65% of 2nd marriages end in divorce? And 75% of 3rd marriages end in divorce?

I'm not getting divorced ... nowhere near it. But I still think that is a very scary statistic!! And I don't want to be a statistic. So I'm being proactive ...

Tim and I have a great marriage. He knows me like no other. He takes care of our family, he works hard to make sure we have a gorgeous roof over our heads and some extra money to "play" with. While we have certainly made some poor decisions when it comes to our money, we have, I feel, learned from our mistakes.

But our marriage, NO MARRIAGE, is perfect.

Don't hear me wrong -- I'm not complaining at all about my life. I love my husband. Probably more than he will ever know. He will never know that happiness he has brought me. I love my children ... I truly believe they are the reason God put me on this earth. But every relationship needs work -- work to keep it strong and thriving. Just like you have to practice to be good at a sport or a musical instrument, I think you need to practice to keep relationships healthy.

So in this new endeavor of practicing and nourishing my relationship with Tim, I picked up a book from the library called The Five Love Languages. I haven't finished it just yet, but my brain is already working overtime, thinking about all this book has to offer. In its less-than-150 pages, this book has completely changed the way I look at my marriage. It discusses how, after the initial "in love" phase of a relationship dissolves (usually around the 2-year mark), many people find themselves unable to feel the love they once did when the excitement was still there. Now Tim and I certainly were well past that "in love" 2 year phase when we got married ... we were engaged for 3 years. And before we had kids, I don't think we ever had a problem with communication. We had more energy to focus on each other and what each other needed/wanted. Now that these two aliens have taken over our lives, we hardly have one ounce of energy to devote to each other.

And that's not right. At all.

So I've read this book in hopes of finding a way to help Tim and myself communicate our feelings in a better way.

It basically says (in a nutshell) that everyone has a primary love language, whether it be needing to hear that you are appreciated (Words of Affirmation), needing a good one-on-one talk at the end of the day with no distractions (Quality Time), needing to be touched (Physical Touch), needing flowers or cards to feel loved (Receiving of Gifts) or needing help washing and drying dishes a few nights a week (Acts of Service). If you do not know your spouse's love language, then you probably are not making him feel loved the way he needs to feel loved. And, in return, your spouse may not know the right way to make you feel loved. I was intrigued once I started reading.

So my goal now is to get Tim to at least read the portion about my love language (Acts of Service). If I can figure out his love language, then we will be on our way to filling each other's "love tanks." (I know it sounds super cheesy, but I'm willing to do anything and everything to make Tim feel loved and appreciated.)