Pick Your Battles with Your Picky Eaters

Did anyone see Dr. Phil today? The whole show was dealing with the strange fights parents are having with their kids. There was one woman who was afraid her daughter (age 9) was OCD because she was so picky about what she wears. (I was having visions of Kendall freaking out and kicking her shoes across the room because the seam of her sock was on her toes.) Another woman was stressed out about how messy her kids' rooms were. But the one that really hit home for me was the woman who wanted to know what to do about her picky eater. I know that several friends are also wondering about the same thing -- especially when there's so much contradiction when it comes to what "they" say about the situation.

This woman had a 9-year-old son who would sit for hours in front of his plate at the table. He would vomit when she made him try new things. She had tried several things to get him to eat, like sending him straight to bed, bribing him, taking away his electronics, not letting him play sports. (Sounding slightly familiar to some of you, I know.) Then Dr. Phil put up a slide showing what this boy's preferred menu consists of ...

peanut butter and jelly
flavored yogurt
any kind of pasta
french fries
grilled cheese
sloppy joes
hot dogs
fruit

Holy mackerel!! This is almost exactly what Tanner's menu looks like!

And the mom's question was, "What do I do about it? Do I make him something I know he will eat? Or do I continue the way we are, fighting about eating and forcing him to eat what we have or not eat at all?"

Wanna know what Dr. Phil's suggestion was?

I'll tell you this -- it's NOT what I thought he would say at all.

He (along with Dr. Sears from The Doctors Show) said that if he doesn't want what you have chosen for the menu, allow him to make something else. Why not? He said that this is not a battle you should be choosing to fight. There are so many other things in the world that we, as parents, should really be concerned with, and forcing a child to eat is not one of them. He also commented that if a child gets hungry enough, he'll eat the place mat. (I've heard that one before! Still have yet to see proof of this place mat-eating phenomenon.)

Of course, Dad of the Year had to pipe in, "I agree with you 100%, Dr. Phil."

What?? Where did that come from??

Anyway, I partially agree. I mean, as long as they eat something that is somewhat good for them, who cares what it is? And if my kid was 9 and could make his own alternative meal, then I'd be gung-ho for this. But seeing as how I never get to sit down at the table and eat the same time my family does ("Mommy, I need some juice." "Mommy, where's my spoon?" "Mommy, I don't like this spoon." "Mooommmmm, I'm not gonna eat anything." "Mom, I need a napkin.") I'm not willing to make another meal. I work hard to come up with my menus, cook the food, and get it on the table. The last thing I want to do is cook something that I know they will like if they try it and then have to make PB&J for Tanner and mac-n-cheese for Kendall.

See, that's the other problem.

If given the choice, my kids would always request something different as their alternative meal. So not only would I be making my gloriously well-balanced meal that no one wants to eat, I'd also be making two other things for the kids.

No way. Nada. I decided when the kids started eating big people food that I was done making separate meals. I'm not a short-order cook. They get to make choices with their dinner (ie. They can choose what they want to drink, what fruit they want, and what type of meat they want, occasionally.), and of course there's the choice of eating it or not. And that's where I have to draw the line.

Dr. Phil didn't even say anything about the usual "put some of the other stuff on their plate no matter what." Does this mean everything we've learned about feeding our kids was false?

And if so, what am I supposed to do with all the other advice "they" gave me???

Geesh -- just when I thought this parenting thing was getting easier ...