Not the 8th grade I remember

Yesterday was hard.  On many levels.  I've never been "the new girl;" my first job, there were 15 new hires.  My second job, I came in during pre-planning and there were other new teachers as well.  My third job, I had been subbing and my kids had gone to school there, so everyone already knew me.  Yesterday, I was completely new.  Not one person in that building knew me except my assistant principal.

Can you say scary???

And not only was I the new kid on the block, I'm in a new grade level with a new subject area surrounded by new walls in classes with kids who have been with another teacher for almost 2 years (some of the ESEP kids have been with the same teacher since 6th grade).

And 8th graders are intimidating.  And big.  And these 8th graders are rich, which just adds another level of intimidation.

But if you ever tell these kids I said they were intimidating, I'll beat you with a stick.

Luckily, the staff at the school is awesome -- they were all very welcoming and tried to make me feel at ease.  The teacher whose place I am taking (she's moving into a GEN ED position and I'm taking her ESEP position) is my new best friend.  She has gone out of her way to make sure my transition in will be smooth as possible.

But, for some reason, when I got in my car yesterday to drive home, I just lost it.  I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted, my feet hurt, and I was scared to DEATH of what Monday will bring.

What's wrong with me?  I've totally got this.  I'm a teacher, for goodness sake.  I've dealt with some of the roughest kids in Cobb county when I worked in south Cobb.  Most of my general ad kids were worse off than the special ed kids at my new place.  I think my brain had just absorbed all it could take yesterday (every time I turned around it was, "Have they told you about this?" or "Did she tell you that?"  and the answer was always, "No ..."), and tears were the only way to release some of that energy.

I know everything will be fine.  I will go to work on Monday and get in a groove.  Tim and I will get a system going at home.  The kids will be OK without me in the afternoon.  Everything will be OK.

It's just the change.  I'm no good at change.  And even after spending the day at school yesterday, I have no idea what I'm walking into on Monday.  I still don't have a full picture.

But I also know that after a week, it will all be habit.  And I'll wonder how I ever stayed away from the classroom for so long.

So, yes, I'm nervous as hell.

But I'm also excite beyond belief.