What Advice is Good Advice?

I have this friend. She's a really good friend. She's been married to her husband for almost 10 years. They have children. They live in a beautiful house with their beautiful dog. From the outside, she appears to be really happy and "together," much like so many wives and moms would like to be.

This is why it is so hard for me to listen to her talking about the lack of trust in her marriage. At least I know she's having a hard time trusting him ... years ago, her husband strayed. He had a little fling with a co-worker. It didn't last too long, but when my friend found out, she was devastated. Now it's been years, and she's still having a hard time handling the situation. She, her husband, and his fling still run in the same circle of friends. They live in the same city ... hang out at the same restaurants ... and occasionally, they have run into this girl. While her husband swears that there is nothing going on now, my friend knows he has talked to the girl on a few occasions, whether it be on the phone or in person. My friend desperately wants to trust her husband. He is the love of her life, the father of her children, but she still finds herself wanting to check his email and cell bills. These thoughts have almost become an obsession of sorts. So she asks me what she should do.

I don't know what the right thing is ... I don't know what to tell her. I could tell her to just give him the benefit of the doubt; however, when she did that before, he broke her trust. I could tell her to confront him, tell him her feelings. But she is afraid of "rocking the boat." Like I said before, from the outside her life appears perfect. She and her husband always seem happy to others when they are out. They even seem happy to each other when they are at home. But it is so obvious to me after talking to her that she is so very unhappy. She goes out of her way to make sure he is happy all the time, but it doesn't appear to me that he reciprocates. She hardly ever gets time to herself, while he goes on guy trips every few weeks. There are so many things about her marriage that bother me ... but I don't want to give her the wrong advice.

Part of me wants to say, "Lay down the law! Tell him that if you find out that he has seen or talked to her again, you are taking the kids and leaving!" Another part of me wants to say, "Just talk to him, tell him how you feel." Then another part wants to say,"If he says he's not talking to her, then you should trust him. What's a marriage without trust?" I'm torn.

So I come to you, my very wise readers. What do I do? What do I tell her? I am the only person she has confided in; all of her family and friends live elsewhere. She is waiting for ME to tell her what the next step is. She has printed emails and phone bills with the forbidden phone number on them, and she doesn't know what to do with them. Can you, oh wise ones, please impart some wisdom? (She does not read my blog, so be as honest as you like.) I appreciate it!