Breaking the Habit

Several months ago it was brought to my attention that I was possibly mis-dosed (not really a word, I know) when my doctor prescribed my anti-depressant. It appeared to me, at the time, that he had given me way to much of these little white miracle pills; several of my friends were not on 300 mg, as I am. Most of my friends freaked when they heard he started me out at 300 mg. Anyway, I hadn't thought much about it. Just kept popping my pills, unaware that they were doing me absolutely no good. In fact, after doing some homework with Dr. Internet, I think my anti-depressants may have actually, well, depressed me even more.

Allow me to explain.

I went to my doctor last April hoping to get something for the anxiety I had been feeling. Anxiety over having 2 kids under the age of 5 is unavoidable ... but I felt like I needed something to help me cope with the ups and downs in my mood. He prescribed Wellbutrin only after I asked for it. A few of my friends had told me that Wellbutrin is the only anti-depressant that keeps you from gaining weight and has little to no sexual side effects. Dr. W agreed to let me try it with the understanding that, if I didn't like it, he would give me something else. (I had already decided, though, that I wasn't going to take anything else if this didn't work. No weight gain for me. Vain, I know.)

I'm not sure what I expected, but the first day when I got home and had my prescription filled, I couldn't wait to pop that first pill. I probably should've waited until the next day; no one told me it would feel like I was on SPEED the first time I took it. (Warning #1 that I should've checked this out before I asked for it.) So I didn't really feel any different except for the sweating and the racing pulse. And then, that night, I didn't sleep. At all. Not for a second. And we all know that I certainly don't need to NOT sleep.

I vowed to give it at least a month to kick in, but the first week was a nightmare. I was more irritable than ever; I got a UTI; libido was all out of whack. Once everything leveled out, I was OK. Mind you, I wasn't great. But just OK. My meds are time-released, which means I take them in the morning and they last all day (except for those hours before the kids go to bed; nothing can help then). I've been taking them now for about 10 1/2 months, I guess, and I have converted many of my "depressed and anxious" friends over to this wonder drug (not). I even talked my mom into trying it after fighting with her weight on her medicine. (Yes, we're just a big ole' family of sad people!) And Mom is the one who really got me thinking last week. Her doctor told her that Wellbutrin isn't for anxiety -- it's for depression.

What? I remember specifically telling my doc that I was not depressed; I was anxious.

Anyway, I thought I should probably check this out online before I go back to my doctor in a few weeks. So I Googled Wellbutrin side effects, and this is what I found:

Not a treatment for anxiety. In fact, some of the negative side effects are increased sleeplessness, irritability, anxiety, and dizziness.

And I feel 1000X better after reading that. It's not just me!!!! I thought I was the only one in the world who took anti-depressants, and they made me even more insane!! Lord knows I don't need any help being irritable; Tim can attest to that. All this time I though I was taking something that would help me keep my cool with my kids, when, in fact, I have been even more upset and angry with them due to these "possible" side effects.

Now all you Wellbutrin poppers, don't think that you need to stop taking yours. I know a lot of people who have had great results with it. I just think it may be time for me to try other methods of taking care of my inner turmoil. Yoga ... therapy ... locking myself in a closet and screaming ... going back to work ... wine ... whatever it may be. I just can't see taking a pill just for the sake of taking a pill.

And it doesn't hurt that it will save us some cash too.

So here's to turning over a new leaf -- hopefully the other side is greener ...