I'm an Addict

Because my dad was an addict (alcohol and drugs), my parents used to sit down with me pretty regularly and remind me that I have an addictive personality.  I shouldn't drink too much or try drugs because it's in my genes to get hooked.  Daddy was an addict, and I still  live in fear that I may also become addicted to alcohol.


So it's not a surprise now that I am an addict.


However, at least I've chosen something worth while to be addicted to.


"Children regularly give parents the kind of highs that only narcotics can rival."  


This quote is from an article I recently read when it popped up on the msn homepage.  As I was reading it, I found myself shaking my head and nodding, and I even went so far as to throw in a few un-hunh's and Amen's.  This is because I can 100% admit I am addicted to my kids.


I'm addicted to everything about them.  I live for the nights they spend away from home, and then I spend the hours missing them.  I plan everything we do as a family around how I think they will react -- heck, last Christmas I talked Nana into buying us tickets to the Disney Rockin' Road Show because I just knew the kids would love it.  (Never mind that Tim loathes things like that ... it wasn't about him, after all.  And don't let him tell you he didn't love every second of it!)  I plan these fun outings where I take my kids to new and exciting places just to get a glimpse of the joy on their faces.  (And then I'm devastated when they don't love it as much as I thought they would.)  I pick out their Christmas presents, all the while wondering how they will react when they open them.  I tell them about funny things or exciting happenings in my world with the hopes that this information will being a smile to their sweet little faces.  And when their worlds aren't perfect, there is no way mine can be.


So, yes, I'm an addict.


I am 100 % addicted to everything related to Kendall and Tanner.


And according to this article, I'm not the only one. Most parents are addicted to their children -- or at least to parenting.  

I remember when I first had Kendall -- Tim and I had an argument about how I had morphed into this strange being -- I had transformed form being "Keisha" and "Tim's wife" to being "Kendall's mom."  This is a huge difference -- and some of my sisters probably remember the first time I went out after having Kendall.  I sat in Amy's living room and talked about how much I missed Kendall and how I felt like a part of my heart was missing every time I was away from her.  Many of them probably thought I was NUTS then, crying about how my heart was living outside my body -- but some of them have kids now and they totally get it!


These feelings are still true today -- I've just learned to manage them, just as a junkie learns to manage his addiction.  I can be away from Kendall for small amounts of time, but then I'm so happy when she returns.  And Tanner is a completely different story.  He is  my baby -- I literally ache for his hugs.  (Some of you mommies-of-boys are nodding right now, aren't you?)  There's something special about boys and their mommies.  Anyway, I know this drives Tim crazy, but there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.  I am addicted to my children's smiles and laughter -- I would certainly die without it.  It does interfere with my daily functions.  I will miss them desperately when I have to go back to work -- but it will be easier when I know they are at school and wouldn't be with me anyway.  (Side note : When I subbed at Tanner's school a few weeks go, I missed him more when we were in the same building.  I'm telling you -- it's craziness!)

Like addicts, parents will sacrifice anything for the glimpses of heaven that their offspring periodically provide.  While the smiles may be few and far between (especially when it comes to 6-year-old girls), I still live for them.  And when I get them, all is right with the world.


So spare a moment of compassion for the next junkie you see. And spare a smile for the next parent you run into. Junkies we are—and proud of it.

Career Opportunities

I've recently been exploring my options for next school year.  There is always the slim possibility that the principals in this town will WAKE UP and realize they are missing a fundamental member for their teams (uh-hum, that would be ME), but on the off chance that this does not happen, I am preparing myself.

I know after these past few weeks that I cannot be a stay at home mom if I'm not actually mommying.  I know ... I'm awful.  Many of my mom friends revel in the joys of motherhood, perfectly content to volunteer at the school or do other mommy-type things while their children are at school.  Sorry, but it's just not in me.  I thought I could do it.  And while I have loved being able to do all these things with Kendall and Tanner this year, I'm just not sure I can handle the off-days on my own.  The freelance work has kept me pretty busy, and there's always work to do around this house, but I just don't think I can keep my days filled with it.  I know many SAHM's take the time while their kids are at school to take care of themselves, as well.  Lunch dates with friends, hair appointments and doctor's appointments.  It is prime time to do many of the things that become nearly impossible once you have small children.  But I feel incredibly guilty when I spend money if I'm on my own and there's no true reason for it.  I feel guilty about spending money Tim is working so hard to provide when I'm not contributing to the family purse.

So, with that in mind, added to the fact that I'm pretty sure I've forgotten how to interact with adults in a work situation, I've been making a mental list of possible careers for next year.  Some are more serious than others; but all are viable options.

1)  Day-to-day substitute -- I was going to get on the sub list for Cherokee County this year, but I was planning to have Big B all year, so we planned around it.  We enrolled Tanner in 9-1 school and I never had my fingerprints done to get on the list.  Now, here we are with no Big B (and no real income), a 4 year-old in private preschool, and crazy hours that keep me unable to get a "real" job (because being a Mommy isn't a REAL job, right?).  So next year, I have the option of going through the motions again, filling out the application (which, mind you, is the same application as the teaching application), getting my fingerprints done, and waiting.  We all know how subbing isn't guaranteed, but I do know enough people that work in Cherokee County schools to keep myself busy if they need me.  Subbing has its perks -- no lesson plans, no grading, great hours.

2) Homeschooling -- I know, it sounds crazy.  And, at first, I thought, "No freakin' way."  I certainly am not interested in homeschooling my own.  They are thriving at school away from me. But I was having a discussion with a friend of mine at dinner a few weeks back about the possibility of homeschooling other people's children in my home.  Think about it -- there are tons of people out there who would love to homeschool but don't have the know-how or have other jobs and can't do it.  If I offered my services, they could pay me to homeschool their kids.  Some people would likely pay boo-coo's of money to have their kids homeschooled.  If I had a small class of 3-5 kids, each paying $100 a week (or whatever), that would be perfect!  Top it off with the parents purchasing all the books needed, and it's a viable option.

3) Teaching at Child's Play -- I had a chance to substitute at Tanner's school last Thursday and Friday and it was so much fun.  I was in a small 4-5 year old class, and we played and colored and traced letters.  We read stories and looked for acorns on the playground.  I was there at 8:40 and out by 1:30.  Sounds prime for me.  And it pays just enough to help out with the bills.  I'm going to make sure the director knows I'm interested with a capital I about working for her next year.

4) Writer -- This one is constantly floating around in the back of my head.  You guys (the people who read my blog) are always telling me how I should write a book with all these crazy stories.  And I probably could write a book if I knew I had someone to publish it.  But I have no idea how to go about doing such a thing.  I have been looking at some more writing opportunities through the Freelancer site, but they just don't pay for how much time I'd have to put into it right now.  When the kids are both at school next year, maybe; but not right now.  But if you hear of any opportunities, let me know.

5) Boosterthon Cheerleader -- This is probably the most far-fetched, but it's my favorite option.  Last month, Kendall had the Boosterthon at her school.  Most of you have heard about it, or seen pictures, and I have to tell you, this is right up my alley.  Of course, I have no idea how it really works.  All I know is that this group travels around to the schools and puts on these big pep rallies for the kids to kick off their Fun Run fundraiser.  I thought it looked fun in kindergarten, but this year I actually asked one of the guys about it.  When Tornado Taylor (yes, they all have fun names like that ... ) came up to say hi and thank us for taking part in the fun run, I asked, "Why aren't there any girls on your team?"  You see, the Fun Run cheerleaders are all boys.  Young-ish, thin, bouncy boys.  He told me that there are, in fact, girls on the team, but they just weren't part of HSES's team. Then I asked how I could do it.  I figured he would look at me like, "Who is this old lady asking to take my job?" But he was very nice about it and said all I have to do is apply online.  It seriously looks like tons of fun.  And I cheered for so long ... I think I could hang if I lost a little weight.  And the real kicker ?  They have cool shoes.  Cool, one-of-a-kind shoes and a nickname?  Sounds perfect. :)

So there are a few of my options.  We'll see how it all pans out next year.  But I need to start planning for something.  This $.10 per 100 words proofreading isn't paying at all ...

Favorite Photo Friday

Kendall Leigh

January 2007

Since everyone else has seen her panties. ;0)  This was right after she was potty-trained.  Officially potty-trained. So proud ...

I would go on and on, but I am WHOOPED after a measly 8 hours in the "workforce."  I'm beat ... 

(BTW -- this one won't be up long ... my blog isn't private, and I don't want any creepies looking at my baby ...)

Back in the Saddle

That was so fun!!

I subbed for the first time today at Tanner's school.

I know, right?  Totally out of my element.  I man, I'm used to 11 year old's and pimples and hormones and drama ...

But instead I was surrounded (well, not really, there were only 7 of them) by little 4 year old's.  And they were so sweet and cute.  We did handwriting (the letter of the week is O) and played.  We went outside and read books.  We danced to music.  A few of them even tried to share their lunches with me (I ran out this morning without food, completely unprepared for work ...) at lunch time.  I worried what Tanner would think if he saw me, so we made a game out of sneaking past Tanner's door when we had to go down the hallway.  Of course, I don't know why I worried about it -- Tanner saw me during carpool and he was fine.  he even stayed in his place by the wall with his class -- I figured he'd pitch a fit and try to come down to my classroom.

Anyway, it felt good to be back among the living, even if I was still surrounded by little people!  And when I left, Ms. Sheila asked if I would be on call in case they need me tomorrow.

Who knows -- maybe this will be the start of something new ... a new way for me to bring in some income ...