Snakes, and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

For those of you who do not have a little boy, I'm not sure you truly understand what it's like to have one running around the house.

And I say "running" because that's actually how they move -- it's not a figure of speech at all. Tanner isn't going anywhere unless he's running there.

I have found myself collecting little memories here and there in order to write this post, and it has taken me a while since I seem to forget one thing only to be reminded of it when he does something else "cute."

So here is my list -- the lessons I've learned from my little boy (so far).

1) If it is quiet, he's doing something wrong. A few weeks ago, Tanner and Kendall had gone upstairs to play while I was folding laundry. I'm always thankful that I am able to send them to another part of the house when I have things to do that don't require any distractions. Anyway, they usually don't last long upstairs before I hear someone screaming or crying or a toy comes flying down the stairs. It had been about 15 minutes, and there hadn't been one peep. I came upstairs to find Kendall "washing" an ink pad in the sink ("Why won't the red wash off, Mommy?"), attempting to hide the evidence that Tanner had just stamped his way down the hallway -- literally. He had taken one of Tim's stamps from the desk -- this one happened to say PAID -- and stamped it several times down the hallway. Red ink. Lovely.

2) If he says "Don't look at me," he wants to stick his hands down his pants without you watching. This is a new thing. Just this summer, Tanner has "discovered" himself. I can't remember exactly when it happened, but there was a day when we were putting on his swimmie diaper and he noticed that his wee-wee "comes out" when he -- ummm -- messes with it. So now he likes to experiment -- and he experiments a lot. Just last night he was experimenting in the back seat of the truck coming home from DeeDee's house. Good times.

3) If he says he's full to the top, he still has room for ______________ (fill in the blank with something sweet). No matter what we eat for dinner, Tanner still has room for fruit snacks or ice cream. Enough said.

4) If he can figure out how to get his shirt or shoes off, they're coming off. I've pretty much decided that Tanner doesn't need shirts unless we are going to a restaurant to eat. He only wears them long enough to eat anyway ...

5) If you buy him a new toy, you might as well buy a real one, not one from the dollar bin. Why? Because the cheap toy has met its match and will be destroyed within mere moments. We bought a toy fire engine last week and Tanner had the ladder broken before we even got out of the parking lot of Learning Express.

6) If you must go to a store that has Thomas the Train, leave your boy at home. Unless you want to spend money. And the smallest Thomas usually runs you about $13. If you aren't planning on spending that, it is wise to leave him with someone at home or be prepared for a meltdown on the way out the door.

7) If you don't think he will do something, he inevitably will. I was sure Tanner wouldn't touch a hot sparkler after he saw it was on fire. But, none the less, once that fire went out, he just had to hold it by the "hot" end. (And also, if you think, "He'll only do it once," and think that he will learn his lesson, I must say you are wrong.)

This one is my favorite --

8) If he gets a boo boo, Mommy is still the one who makes everything better. And apparently this will always be the same ...