I was going to tell you something ...

I forgot to put "Buy stamps and a pre-paid credit card" on my grocery list this weekend.  And it made me cry.

I don't usually get so upset about forgetfulness, but this weekend was a tough one.  I think my kids are out to get me, first of all.  I had to take them grocery shopping with me yesterday while Tim was cutting the grass; usually, that's not a big deal, but for the last week I think they have been having secret meetings after I go to bed, discussing the many ways to make me nuts.  So after working in the second yard that doesn't belong to us to make it presentable, I loaded my kids into the card with list and coupons in hand.

I gotta give it to the staff at Publix.  They are super nice.  Here I am, practically dragging a 4-year-old through Publix while he whines, "But I waaaannnnnt a toy ...", all while my 6-year-old is driving the buggy into my Achilles tendons.  I'm just trying to hurry before a real meltdown occurs (from me, not the kids!), and we whip it into the checkout line when I realize I forgot a loaf of bread.  Naturally, the bread is on one of those aisles that has the Hot Wheels cars strategically placed on the end, and I knew I'd have to walk right past them.  Since I had spent the last 45 minutes telling Tanner that he was not getting a toy (because Nana already spoiled him this weekend and his birthday is 2 weeks away and he has not been behaving like a little man who deserves a new toy anyway no matter how much a Hot Wheels costs ... all the while Kendall is piping in with her un-needed two cents worth: "But Mommy, it's only 1 dollar" ... insert eye roll here.),  I took a deep breath and held back my tears as I backed the buggy out of the checkout line.  Then, my saviour, the Pirate Bagger (Tanner calls him that with affection since he wears an eye patch.) asked, "Would you like for me to go get a loaf for you?"

The clouds parted and the sunshine shone through the clouds.

This is exactly why I love Publix.  (Oh, and the fact that, even with two whiny kids hanging all over me and the buggy, I still spent $50 and saved $81!)

I cannot put a finger on why I am so sensitive right now.  I know I spent the rest of the night pouting and whining.  That couldn't have been fun for Tim; I mean I know I'm fun to look at usually, but not when I'm poking my lip out.  I think I'm just feeling a little let down and un-appreciated in the last few days.  And the kiddos are pretty much on full-force-fighting mode now.  Summer has worn them down, they are tired of each other, and everyone is getting fairly bored with the daily routine.  I know that taking 5 minutes to sit in the floor and play with them would solve a lot of our problems, but it's just not in me right now (and honestly they wouldn't be able to agree on something for us to play so I'd have to do what one wants first and then we'd have to fight over who gets to pick first ....you get my drift ...)  I suppose I should be happy that we made it this far without anyone hurting anyone else.  I mean summer vacation is almost to a close and we all still have full heads of hair and all limbs attached.  There are no holes in the walls or broken toys.  No one has been bitten.  The slapping and hitting actually fell on the back burner a few weeks ago.

So everything sounds all good, right?

Oh, wait.  I failed to mention the eye rolling from the 6-year-old.  And the sassy tone.  Seriously, I'm pretty sure I didn't start all that mess until I was much older.  Kendall is on the verge of being out of control with her sassing.  I've caught myself wanting to pop her a few times, but then I realize she gets a lot of her tone from me.  I talk to her the same way she talks to me.  So I suppose that's another reason I'm down on myself right now -- I've created a monster and I don't know how to fix it.

Don't get me wrong on Tanner either.  While he has matured leaps and bounds in the last few months, and we are ready for him to hit PreK in 3 weeks, he has now started this spitting thing ... eww.  And Tim and I have talked a few times about how much he doesn't know upon entering his new classroom.  I know comparing my two kids is like comparing apples and oranges, but Tanner doesn't know letters or numbers; he can't count past 15; and he doesn't know sounds of letters.  All I can think about is how I've failed him as a mom.  Kendall knew so much more than him when she went to PreK.  I just hope he catches on and is a good student the way she is.

And that all brings me back to why I cried when I forgot the stamps and the prepaid credit card.  Well, obviously we need the stamps to pay bills.  But we also need the prepaid card for me to help pay the bills.  I'm seriously considering trying this writing thing online.  And Tim wisely said I  needed to get a prepaid credit   card to sign up so they wouldn't have our credit card info.  He's so smart. :)  So I'm hopeful that it will be a new way of me bringing in some money.  I can work on the reading/writing the 4 hours the boys are at school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and maybe bring in some money to help my poor, exhausted husband out.

I know he wants to take care of us, but I miss having him around.  I miss sharing the load. :0)